What's wrong with me?

I dont know why im commenting because i promised myself id be done with this page since Ive essentially cured myself but I felt like I needed to help you, so you dont make the same mistakes I did for 2 years with HOCD. I want you to listen to everything I am saying VERY clearly. I have been through all of this. I know what works and what doesnt. And by the sound of it you are about to enter a cycle that is only going to make it worse and worse. Let me put it into perspective for you.....

I want to stress the importance of DISREGARDING these HOCD spikes, and AVOID REASSURING yourself over things. This is the most important thing to do. You realised you had HOCD and that gave your brain some relief. After a couple days, the HOCD decides to have another crack at you, to see how you respond. You respond with anxiety and you dwell and focus on it all day. YOU ARE LITERALLY TELLING THE HOCD THAT IT IS IMPORTANT. So you might look at pictures of guys, or whatever and conclude, "nope im not attracted to them", and your brain gets relief and reassurance again....until next time in a couple days when the HOCD decides to have another crack, and you direct even MORE importance to it. And the cycle goes on and on and on, and HOCD gets stronger and stronger.

So whenever an HOCD thought goes into your mind, DISREGARD IT. It could be in ANY form. You could have random feelings in places that would contradict your natural sexuality. You could see a random guy and suddenly feel fixated onto them. You could hear the word GAY and have a sinking feeling in your brain. You could have dreams about random guys. ALL OF THIS IS THE HOCD TRYING TO SPIKE YOU. It is literally flashing these things into your mind to see how you react. And if you react as if those things are important, they will continue happening, and in a more relenting way. Your "lack of attraction to girls" is probably just because your spending so much time focusing on the shit that you aren't attracted to, that you don't have the mindset to focus on what you ARE attracted to. And HOCD will jump at that and use at as a way to make itself seem even more real.

IT WILL FEEL REAL, but thats the point. OCD is literally an irrational fear and doubt mental illness.

So what I want you to do is this.

Whenever and HOCD thought comes into your head, treat it like an annoying neighbour screaming at you. DISREGARD IT. Now don't ignore it. Or don't try and supress it. LET IT HAPPEN, but don't react. Just treat it like a screaming noise. You can't magically make it go away, but you can choose not to react. And then eventually the brain will realise that these things aren't important anymore and will happen much less and less until they are gone for good. But you have to stay vigilant and especially make sure that on the good days, you are more vigilant than ever. Use every trigger as an opportunity to make HOCD weaker and weaker, until its dead.

Also, quit porn. Masturbation for maybe a month or so to really test your willpower, but then maybe try and do it once a week or something like that to real, natural thoughts about girls. Quitting PMO isn't going to magically fix HOCD. You can quit PMO, but still dwell over HOCD every day, and you'll get to 200+ days and HOCD will be worse than ever. But quit porn. Porn is not good for you and can definitely fuel your HOCD, especially if you have escalated to more extreme genres.

I have explained everything on how to beat this to you now, but its up to you if you want to heal or not. If you want to heal, take every single thing I have said seriously and DO IT. Know that it WILL attack you. It WILL spike. You WILL feel anxiety. You WILL feel like it is real. You WILL feel lost. But if you keep focusing on it and arguing with it and ultimately reassuring yourself that you are straight, then IT WILL CONTROL YOUR LIFE. I spent 2 years with HOCD, and at the moment I would say I am about 99% cured. I just have to stop myself dwelling occasionally over random triggers. But its because I have spent 2 years in this mindset, and now I'm trying to transition back to a full time clear mindset, and I cannot wait. You can go back to normal as well. But you have to listen to my words.

Don't go on fourms, Don't look up "am i gay". Dont go on gay fourms. Dont do any of that crap. Don't ask people anything. One thing that can help you is "Ali Greymond" on youtube. She makes excellent videos that really helped me. And she literally reaffirms everything that I have said. Go now, and kill this HOCD before it makes your teenage years feel like hell.

 

Good now write down or save what I wrote and get off this site. Don't make this same mistakes I did and let this go on for years. This is all you ever need to read. If you feel like you need to know any more than what i told you, thats just HOCD telling you that it still doubts reality.