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I failed.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Smoky, Jan 13, 2021.

  1. Smoky

    Smoky Fapstronaut

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    On my first attempt, I could reach 4 months without porn, masturbation and orgasm. I was pretty confident. I really want to meet the opposite sex.

    I failed...
    One day I just wanted to look at porn and I've been holding on my old habits since September.

    I will start again.
    I hope this time can be different.

    My virginity is killing me. I'm almost 23 and I don't know what to do to meet somebody.

    I feel very lonely, but well. Life hasn't been easy. One more thing to fight.
     
  2. FoundTheFreedom

    FoundTheFreedom Fapstronaut

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    I do understand. This might come as a shock and it isn't common but I didn't lose my virginity until I was 47, I believe. (I am now 59.) I had a very bad self-image and lacked self-esteem so I didn't think any woman would find me a catch. I was late in reaching puberty as is. I was on all kinds of dating sites and stuff but I was always friend-zoned. I will tell you what I was told before I lost my virginity and that is, it's not as big of a deal having sex as you might think. Also, sex is so much better when there is love, affection, respect between the two participants. I initially thought I'd save myself for marriage. After I hit 40 I too was desperate and decided if the opportunity came up, I'd take it. Let me offer this advice. Due to Coronavirus, this really is not a good time to find someone. Pretty much everyone is homebound some or all of the time. May I suggest you consider ending your porn addiction before finding a relationship to get into? I have noticed that today's young people seem more into "hookups" and the like than getting to know someone, find things in common, enjoy each other's company, maybe fall in love, and THEN decide to take it to the next level and have sex. I feel sad for the young generation today because they probably won't get to experience the giddy feeling of making a connection and then getting to know that person. I was never one to have casual sex. I just didn't believe in it. That is me. You have to do you. Still, I think it's best to set priorities. Porn addiction can cause ED and other sexual problems so it might be a good idea to get control or eliminate your porn addiction and after that, then find someone. Just something to think about. Best wishes.
     
    Azzure, Smoky and Dobrethatface like this.
  3. You gonna do this bro! Work on your metal skills and be okay that you are a virgin. There is nothing you can do than exept it. When you are okay with that you attract things in your life you couldn't imagine.
     
  4. Maramalade

    Maramalade Fapstronaut

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    Being virgin is no concern at all. Remember, your ancestors lost it after they married. It is just what current society is doing or telling us. So just be patient and continue to fight, you'll find one.
     
    Sugar Shane likes this.
  5. Hey Harry

    Hey Harry New Fapstronaut

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    Be strong.
    U can do it.
    I am 23 and haven't lost virginity as well.
    So no big deal. Try to distract urself and change these with some positive ones.
    Its difficult i know but we have to try
     
  6. I'm a virgin too who cares nothing wrong with that it's that we live in a lust-filled society where people care about sex too much.
     
    Sugar Shane likes this.
  7. TheForsakeen

    TheForsakeen Fapstronaut

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    why do people always assume that in the old days people were better, more virtuous etc, those who have close relationship with their elders have a better understanding of things.
     
  8. Smoky

    Smoky Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much for your kind words. It means a lot.
    My goal now is to totally avoid porn. I do agree with you that in coronavirus' time is very hard to go out.
    Something I remember when I was like 120 days away from porn and masturbation is that the willing to meet a girl were just amazing. I did not care about anything, I just wanted to meet somebody.

    I would like to hear your story, feel free to message me if you ever feel a bit low and want to talk to somebody. Maybe I'm not that experienced, but I can give another point of view.

    Thanks again mate!
    Take care.
     
  9. Smoky

    Smoky Fapstronaut

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    You are totally right. However, since I remember, it's been very hard for me not to focus on the fact that I have no experience while other people is always having different experiences. It's weird, I don't know how to explain it though.

    Thanks a lot for your comment!
     
  10. Smoky

    Smoky Fapstronaut

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    Once covid is gone, I won't wait until it happens, I will look for it.
    I'm scared that never happens. I have wanted someone for ages but I have only had myself all this time.
    Hopefully you are right.

    Thank you so much for your words.
    Take care!
     
  11. Smoky

    Smoky Fapstronaut

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    Extremely difficult, yeah.
    Hopefully, we'll make it one day.

    Thank you a lot for your comments!
     
  12. Smoky

    Smoky Fapstronaut

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    I hate that too, but in this case I believe this is not what he is saying.
    In my opinion he is just saying that in the past, they used to lose their virginities when older, and it was just the trend.
    Maybe, in the past, having sex at a young age could be considered as bad.

    The same is happening now but the other way around. The older, the worse.
    Believe it or not, I do agree with both of you.

    Thank you for your comment mate!
    Hope you are doing well.
     
    TheForsakeen likes this.
  13. Smith Sharp

    Smith Sharp Fapstronaut

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    You succeeded! The graph has taken a temporary dip down the way. You're heading back up the way again.
     
    Smoky likes this.
  14. Smoky

    Smoky Fapstronaut

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    That's another point of view I haven't thought of.

    Thanks a lot!
     
    Smith Sharp likes this.
  15. Slimjimjones

    Slimjimjones Fapstronaut

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    I'll tell you what man. I've failed a countless amount of times and I have nothing but improved and learned from those failures. Look at each failure as a way of looking at things differently. Incredibly helpful for more than just nofap.
     
  16. I appreciate what @FoundTheFreedom wrote.

    Please try and relax about finding 'somebody'. In time, you will. Perhaps you'll find yourself in the near future with the situation where you will need to decide between several 'somebodies'. It's happened to me. Could happen to you. Oh if I could go back and do (some) things differently as a virgin I would! Virginity is a precious position to be in. I would hope the young man my daughter falls in love with is a virgin. But then if he isn't, all good, I would hope that young man loves her with all his heart, might, mind, strength and soul for the rest of their days together.

    I know life can be lonely. I know what it's like to be lonely. I think loneliness can kill more people than virginity. As an introvert I have to push myself at times to connect with people. Even going into a store / mall, I will try and make eye contact with people and smile. I know if I'm having rough day and someone smiles at me it can pick me up for the rest of the day. We never know who we are smiling at. In short, to have a friend, we need to be a friend. I know you have many qualities that will lend themselves to you being a wonderful friend and finding many friends in return.

    And one last thing. I have recently changed my thinking about failure. From now on I will never fail trying to overcome PMO. Instead, I will have growth opportunities. For every time I used to call a 'fail' I can now see, in hindsight, that they were awesome growth opportunities. I am a better man because of my growth opportunities. I have more maturity, I have more experience, I have more to offer the weary traveller I cross paths with.

    It'll all work out for you my friend. Trust the universe, it knows your desires, your needs and your pain.
     
  17. Smoky

    Smoky Fapstronaut

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    To be honest, I wanted to read something like this. It's been hard. Not only because of porn.
    I'm aware that I haven't been out there too much and I need to change that. I guess I'm just shy.

    Also, all this covid situation makes me feel a bit nervous.
    I don't know if I should approach people now. Our habits have changed.

    The worst thing is I don't want to be alone, and it's been 23 years and here I am.

    Thank you a lot for your kind words.
    I appreciate them a lot, seriously.

    I hope you are doing well.
    Take care!
     
    Azzure likes this.
  18. Shawn2020

    Shawn2020 Fapstronaut

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    You only fail if you don't keep trying.
     
    Azzure likes this.
  19. Kevster1993

    Kevster1993 Fapstronaut

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    i give you a pro tip,

    Losing your virginity while being hooked on porn is really bad,
    when i was hooked on porn and went to have sex with a girl, at first i was rock hard, but when the action was taking place i lost all sense and was not able to get it up again. (This happened 2 times).
    now that i dont watch porn and limit my mastrubation, i can stay hard and have fun again.
    real-life sex is soo much different, it's all about the love and the sensations.
    Mastrubating is still fine, but limit it to a max of 2 times a week.

    Don't put your goals too high, First start with no Porn, if you've done that for a month, i would say start with no mastrubation for 2 months.
    why the no mastrubation?, well it's good to give your body a reset..

    if you have trouble finding girls, just stop searching for them, because youre probably just searching sex.
    instead.
    Compliment woman at work, or whereever your at, but dont make it sexist or weird, just tell em their hair is sitting amazing, or something like that.
    ask them what they like to do, and show interest.
    if nothing comes out of it in terms of a relationship, you for sure have a new friend :)
    and who knows what could come out of that friendship ;)
     
    Azzure likes this.
  20. Smoky

    Smoky Fapstronaut

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    This time I hope I've learned the lesson.
    Thanks a lot for your comment!
     
    Shawn2020, Azzure and Smith Sharp like this.

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