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New to this admitting addiction

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Wayne the Train, Jan 20, 2021.

  1. Wayne the Train

    Wayne the Train Fapstronaut

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    Definitely going through some serious issues right now. I’ve done PMO since about 13 years old and I’m 29 now. I’m married and a father. I found nofap yesterday and I consider this morning as to be my day 2. My marriage is crumbling and my family is hurt by my actions. I’m under a lot of stress at my job as I work on the road to support my family. I know my head is screwed up from so much PMO especially going through it my teenage years. I’m still learning a lot about what all porn addiction does to a person but I’m finally admitting that I am addicted. I want to save my marriage and reconnect with my family and I’m doing therapy on top of starting a reboot. I don’t know yet if there’s some mental health issues for sure or if it all stems from porn addiction as I’m still trying to learn. But I’m feeling a lot of anxiety, depression, and fear. Any advice anyone has or pointers on the right direction, I need anything I can get.
     
    Toni7 likes this.
  2. Robindale

    Robindale Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Wayne. You are to be commended for recognizing this as an addiction and taking the NoFap and therapy steps. I hope your wife hangs in there with you and you are both able to rebuild your marriage to where you would like it to be. I'm working on the same thing. Not in a position to give advice since I'm pretty new to NoFap too. I'm working with a therapist, as is my wife. Separate ones as she has to deal with the trauma and grief and anger from what I've done to us. We'll also add a couples therapist sometime soon for someone who can work with us both at the same time. I've signed up for a NoFap group and our first meeting is tomorrow. I'm hoping that leads to a connection with someone to become an Accountability Partner. I need to move further away from isolation, which is what I tend to do when stressed; withdraw which is one of the aspects that led to being alone and PMOing. I'm reading "In the Shadows of the Net" by Patrick Carnes and others. You can also find youtube videos by Carnes and several other books. Another site I found the other day "sexandrelationshiphealing.com" has some good info and podcasts. The guy (Dr. Rob) seems to have a good handle on this issue.

    I'm sorry you're going through PMO, a struggling relationship, stress at work, etc. Please lean on others as they want to help. And I'm trying to remember to just take is a minute, hour, day, etc. at a time. Best wishes.
     
    bama_lost and Toni7 like this.
  3. One Eyed Owl

    One Eyed Owl Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap!!!
     
    Toni7 and Wayne the Train like this.
  4. Wayne the Train

    Wayne the Train Fapstronaut

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    I understand the isolating when stressed. I do it every time it feels like. I don’t know how my marriage is going to go, right now it feels like all is lost. I’m feeling extreme guilt and shame with myself and my actions and my wife is beside herself with anger and sadness and betrayal.

    I’m trying to lean on people but most of the people I turn to are against me right now. It feels like I’m about to lose my entire world and there’s nothing I can do about it. Feeling completely lost right now.
     
    Toni7 and One Eyed Owl like this.
  5. MexFighter

    MexFighter Fapstronaut

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    Welcome!
    Thank you for sharing your story!
    This is totally normal. My friend Tao said: "The lows can feel a lot lower when the brain is not swimming in a sea of dopamine triggered by PMO use".. True dat. Your brain's so used to get dopamine boosts so you need to find new ways to get it.. Working out, lifting weights, laughing more, listening your fav music, running outside or a new hobby..
    What's your first goal? Whats your longest streak? Is this your first attempt?
    Check this post please, it helped me a lot: https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...te-my-dopamine-receptors.166287/#post-1410049
     
    Toni7 likes this.
  6. Wayne the Train

    Wayne the Train Fapstronaut

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    I will certainly check out the post. Thank you. Yeah I’m constantly on the edge of a panic attack right now but I think a lot of that also has to do with me shattering my wife’s trust and confidence. This is my first attempt so I’m on Day 4 right now. Going for 90 and beyond by right now it’s just one day at a time. Trying to change my environment, pay attention to habitual cues that make me want to PMO, and exercise/start hobbies.
     
    Toni7 likes this.
  7. MexFighter

    MexFighter Fapstronaut

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    I see..
    If your wife can see your commitment she will change her attitude but gonna take time..
    If this is your first attempt I would recomend to go for the 30 days first.. focus on go there. When you beat it, keep on to 60 days and then 90 days!
    The best of the lucks!
    One day at a time.
     
    Toni7 likes this.
  8. Wayne the Train

    Wayne the Train Fapstronaut

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    I hope that you’re right. I really screwed up my marriage and I want nothing more than to rewind time and stop myself from such a massive mental breakdown and mistake. I am trying to show her I’m committed as possible. Between being on here, listening in on an sa group, therapy, medication. My end goal is 90+ but I’m breaking it up. 7 days is the first short term goal.
     
    Toni7 likes this.
  9. MountainInMyWay

    MountainInMyWay Fapstronaut

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    Is your wife on here as well? Does she have any interest in joining the nofap section of wives of PA/SAs? It helps to have a community of women that understand you.
     
    Toni7 likes this.
  10. Wayne the Train

    Wayne the Train Fapstronaut

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    I showed her the partner support section but I don’t know if she’s going to join at this time or not. We were able to go to a couples therapy session together today though and will be going probably once a week for the foreseeable future.
     
    Toni7 likes this.
  11. bama_lost

    bama_lost Fapstronaut

    What has helped in the healing process between my wife and I over the last 30+ days has been her seeing that I've really been trying and taking steps like using this forum, or talking with different therapists, or attending a weekly group meeting. Over this period of time there has been one mess-up (not porn related, but still a deception and trust-breaking action on my part), and it was important for me to own up to it and tell her about it as soon as I could. It was hard to talk about but ultimately led to healing in she saw I was willing to own up to problems. We can't expect to be perfect, but we can strive to always be honest.
     
    Robindale likes this.
  12. Wayne the Train

    Wayne the Train Fapstronaut

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    It’s been a week for me now. I’ve talked to therapists, I’ve increased my antidepressant dosage, I’ve joined nofap, I’m attending sa meetings. And she doesn’t think she wants to fix things as of tonight. I’m losing my mind. I don’t know what more to do
     
  13. bama_lost

    bama_lost Fapstronaut

    I'll add one more thought. What really has made me take this seriously this time around has been recognizing that the problem was with me and me alone. It wasn't something I needed to address to fix my marriage or make my wife happy, it was something that I needed to address to make me healthy and happy with myself, alone, in the long run. And in a way, I had to let go of "being concerned with" whether or not fixing myself would be enough to "save" my marriage. It may take a lot of time, but do this for you for now.
     
  14. Wayne the Train

    Wayne the Train Fapstronaut

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    My marriage is what makes me happy. My wife and daughter are my bright spots and the whole reason I started traveling for work so I could take care of them. It just became too much and I snapped. But the damage is done. I’m so depressed I can’t even cry
     
    bama_lost likes this.
  15. bama_lost

    bama_lost Fapstronaut

    That's great that they make you so happy. And you wanting to take care of them can be great motivation to make yourself better. Do it for you... to be better, and to be better able to take care of them. You got this!!!
     
  16. Wayne the Train

    Wayne the Train Fapstronaut

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    I am trying do everything I can to accept this and get better. My wife was angry last night and it was brutal. I felt so horribly depressed. I thought about giving up and doing PMO but I didn’t. I was so close to falling in that moment. It was in the middle of nightmares too so I don’t know if it was real or not I just know I didn’t do it. Something I did when I was able to go home was I had my wife put an app on my phone that blocks adult content and she’s the only one with the pin code to unlock the app and change the settings. I wanted to her to have some control in this.
     
    MountainInMyWay and stegiss like this.
  17. Robindale

    Robindale Fapstronaut

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    Hang in there Wayne. One day at a time. You can do it. I keep a picture or pictures on a screen saver of my wife and family so that if I'm tempted with technology, I see them and look them in the eye. It helps to fight off any urge. Blocking the phone from adult content is great, though I would encourage you not to place your wife in the position of policing that. If you can have someone else as an accountability partner take that on, that should ease her mind and not make her have to keep checking that app or whatever. Just a thought.
     

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