In less than 1 week, I'll be at 60 days No P&M

The reason I'm posting it sooner is that yesterday I got severrrrre cravings while I was at work. I think I know sort of what caused them. It all started Friday when I was feeling a bit off and then this sort of spiraled a bit and this weekend was a yoyo in terms of mood swings. I should have nurtured calm and grounded state but instead I went out with friends which actually stressed me out. In theory, going out with close friends (that are on similar wavelengths in terms of self-improvement) should have made me better but the reality was that it stressed me out. I think part of the reason for this is that I hang out with the same people very often and I'm sort of bored and frustrated with them at this point and the whole thing felt forced which actually stressed me out even more. I should have just stayed home or went for a solo walk. These days, solitude seems to be the best practice for me. I also need new friends for sure, a change in perspective. So anyway, I was sort of emotionally depleted and then yesterday I felt really low energy, enthusiasm and my attention was scattered. Needless to say, my thoughts were very negative and I started looking at my life through a bad lens. I was severely tempted to use PMO to distract myself. I ended up eating junk food to increase my dopamine a bit which might have distracted me. I then called one of my boys and told him that I needed accountability. He seemed a little bit frustrated with me and I felt like shit for calling and feeling like a drama queen because I told him I'd call him 1-2 more times that night. I ended up not calling him the third time bc I was too embarrassed. He said it was fine but for some reason, I didn't believe him. I ended up falling asleep thankfully without incident but it wasn't a pretty day. As of now, I have an opportunity to move into 2021 without this crap in my life and today I will double down my efforts to do so. Cannot let this crap take over my life again...

 

Messed up last night. It kind of got me out of nowhere. I was laying in bed and talking to some chick. I was bored and just feeling sort of mindless I guess. One thing led to another and then boom, I did PMO a total of about 3 times and with imagination about twice.