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Seeking some advice from fellow Christians (and mental health issues / problem dump / please read) )

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by AJ777, Jan 27, 2021.

  1. AJ777

    AJ777 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    So, I've been practicing NOFAP for a while now, though just joined this site last year. Currently, I'm around 75 days sober from porn and my counter below reflects my days sober from masturbation. My goal is hardmode for life (except / until I meet my future wife / get married / if I do, of course)
    Anyway, what I want to talk about is more the spiritual side of this journey.
    I've been struggling with PMO for several years (I think I got addicted to P. in my late teens and I'm 25y.o. now), and although a lot of my problems stem from that, I also think that a lot of what I'm struggling with currently is aside from PMO.
    Really the hardest challenge for me is to stay focused on life / living life in the present / keeping my trust in God / keeping the faith.
    (This might be a long post so bear with me)

    I grew up in a Christian home; decided long ago to believe in God on my own accord, and not just because I was taught in that way. Been through many dark moments in my life where God helped me through. But on a day-to-day basis, my foundation of faith/hope feels very inconsistent.
    There are some days (more than I'd like to admit) where I don't think about God at all and just feel like I have no desire / passion / joy in life. Then their are other days where I'm feeling very at peace / I can feel God's presence, I feel like I am enjoying life, etc. It's all very back and forth for me, and I consider myself that "double-minded" man as referred to in the Bible, one who is often doubting and not focusing or trusting in God.
    Right now, and what led me to create this post, is I am in one of my "slumps", where the last few days I just feel no desire to read my Bible, don't think about the "faith" aspect of my life really at all - and these are the days when I'm the most miserable.
    I also feel like I don't have a desire to do much of anything at all, and I suppose this could possibly be side effects from PMO such as PAWS or Flatlining, and in some cases I think that may be part of the issue, but I don't think it accounts to all of it - for I remember struggling in this area even when I was younger before PMO was a big issue in my life.
    Some days I'm very depressed - others the total opposite. I just feel like there's not any consistency. I force myself to read my bible and pray, but more often that not they feel like mundane tasks rather than something I am enjoying and learning and growing from, which shouldn't be the case.

    I also struggle a lot in the mental realm, i.e., thinking positive thoughts, staying focused on God, putting others first, etc. etc. - This is a very big issue for me as well that I've struggled with nearly all my life, is controlling my thoughts.
    My mind wanders - constantly. The thoughts aren't always necessarily bad, but just a bunch of random shit my mind drifts to (not intentionally thinking about these things, the thoughts come and I just let them linger).
    A few examples just to better illustrate my issue -
    I can be trying to get some work done, and my mind starts thinking about movies, what my favorite movies are, ones I might like to see, I mentally create a list of favorite horror movies in my mind.... and on and on it goes, sometimes I'll even google random shit about movies. This isn't necessarily bad thoughts, but the simple fact that my mind wanders to random stuff like this all the time is really distracting to my everyday life and it seems like I spend more time inside my head than I do in the present moment. And that was just one example. I could go on about a bunch of different random shit that pops into my head. Lots of imaginary conversations with people I know. Past events. Other things I obsess over like music, books, movies, all in the form of self-indulgence, etc - the list is endless.
    I seem to find it exceedingly difficult to stay mindful of the present and stay focused on tasks. I am very double-minded and absent-minded - even at work, I have a hard time staying aware of my surroundings and staying focused - my mind is just all over the place with a million fucking thoughts at one time.
    I used to day dream a lot when I was younger, and that might partly explain my current issue, but I've made the decision to stop consciously doing that, because I know it can be harmful in excess.
    It's like I have to make the conscious effort every single day to watch my thoughts and not think anything negative and stay positive - and its freaking exhausting. Feels like it actually takes physical effort almost to stay positive on a day-to-day basis. My mind is always criticizing instead of thinking good, pure, thoughts of gratitude and so forth.

    I desperately want to change because I know probably the largest portion of my problems stem from my thought life - and I've been working diligently to improve in this area of my life because I don't want to constantly be worried and depressed and struggling just to focus on my daily tasks, etc. - But it's HARD as HELL.
    I'm not feeling totally hopeless or anything, I have seen some improvement in some areas (I'm 70+ days free from porn, for one thing), but in other areas, it almost seems like I'm regressing at times.

    Really my goal is to live a life where I have complete control over my mind and my thoughts, and I am in a close relationship with Jesus. Both of these things I am constantly working towards but who knew it could be so difficult. Some days it seems like no matter what I do I just can't break out of this negative mindset and I just can't seem to find any sense of peace or purpose.
    I know that I just need to keep my focus on God and keep moving forward but it's much easier said than done.
    Again, I think I may be experiencing some PMO withdrawal symptoms of flatline which could be contributing to my problems, but I don't think that it alone is to blame.

    Another issue I have is when I get into these slumps like I am now, I tend to be lazy, waste way too much fucking time on youtube or facebook, and often I'll even check my email several times a day even though I know there is nothing there to check. I just feel bored and have no desire to do anything and feel drained of all energy. I force myself to get some tasks and work done but my heart just isn't in it.
    It's like I'm seeking for some kind of quick dopamine release by getting a notification or message from someone or maybe watching a funny video - and when it doesn't happen I just feel empty.

    I am currently enrolled in an online college course this semester, and I work part time, so I have stuff going on in my life - its not like I'm completely wasting away, lol, but some days my heart just isn't in my work or homework and I feel like... what's the point?
    Again, I'm not always this depressed or empty feeling, it comes and goes - sometimes it sticks around for a week, sometimes only lasts for a day or two.

    My biggest issue from what I can see myself is really just a matter of my thought life and mental health. I think if I can build a consistent relationship with Jesus and maintain a positive attitude I'll be okay - but its not so easy to do that.

    I really just want to enjoy life to the fullest and live the best, healthiest life that I can. I don't want to just receive blessings, but be a blessing to others. - and right now, I am not doing any of those things.

    (If you take the time to read all this and reply - God bless you!)
     
    FezMan76 likes this.
  2. L3t'sG0

    L3t'sG0 Fapstronaut

    Hello AJ777! I'm not Christian but I want to help. They say in the New Testament that no one has the right to judge fairly, or something along those lines. Thus, I hope you won't judge my advice badly since I'm "Not-Christian".

    So, I'll give you some advice. Accept yourself. Accept that your going to face hardships and that your faith in Christ will be tested. Only through this acceptance will the answer come to you slowly, and help will reach you.

    I personally have not lived long enough to see the solutions to your problems, but it's always nice to just give advice if they need it and see that they have support from the people. Hope you enjoy this.
     
    AJ777 likes this.

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