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HOCD and arousal over men making out

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Trey21, Sep 26, 2016.

  1. Trey21

    Trey21 Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone, I have a strange topic for you all. I basically kinda escalated to gay porn as early as about 12 yrs old even though I was ( and still am) straight. Knew I liked girls since about 6 yrs old and only girls.

    Long story short, I am 51 days into my reboot period and I had been suffering from HOCD and feeling basically nothing toward women. But it's like I woke up one morning , two days ago with this sudden arousal and flood of heterosexual thoughts about women... this always happens to me about this point in my reboot ( this is my second time going this far) , like I go through a second puberty or something...

    But I saw this video , it was an lgbt video, noteven intended to arouse rlly, but just to make a point , and it was a video showing men kissing, fully clothed, etc. and I watched it to 'test myself' I guess, and I felt some arousal. I really do not understand the arousal I get to men making out , here's why I dont think I am gay or even bi

    1) I actually really do not like penis, almost repulsed by it
    2) I do not get crushes on guys
    3) I do not see the men kissing as in love, though they all were kissing their boyfriends
    4) My theory is that it's related to dopamine and anticipation arousal ... most of thegay pornos started out with the guys making out so perhaps thats why it arouses me because its like anticipation?

    Let me know your thoughts, either way I am happy to be this far on my nofap journey! Although I am on 51 , not rlly counting because this is for life!
     
  2. diddykong

    diddykong Fapstronaut

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    There are more people here that suffer with HOCD than you might think. I've suffered with this for years and feel that I'm finally making progress with beating it, one small step at a time.

    OCD is a vicious cycle. You have an intrusive thought which in turn causes ruminations (obsessions). They cause anxiety which causes you to create compulsions to deal with the anxiety. The compulsions then feed back into those intrusive thoughts. That list of things you made about why you're not gay is a compulsion - it's reassurance seeking.

    The dirty secret with our brains is that they can get aroused by anything. Our brain is also not very good at telling anxiety from arousal. The reason for this is they are feelings. Feelings are body sensations. Thoughts are what you think. Our brains then try fill in the blanks by attributing our feeling to something. Our thoughts then go into overdrive. OCD is then that voice that confuses us - if you got aroused by that then you must be gay. Before you know it you're questioning your true sexuality.

    You can't beat HOCD by purely NoFap but NoFap definitely helps. You have to relabel the intrusive thoughts as OCD and stop doing your compulsions even if they give you anxiety. Eventually you have to break down the fear that you might be gay, although for me the underlying fear is actually that I'll never know my true sexual identity (this is what most HOCD sufferers say).

    What was your trigger to go into gay porn? 12 seems pretty young to escalate. Understanding that might help you get to the root of what the problem is. You will have to face your fear and you won't be able to do that until you know what it is.

    You can feel free to PM me if you want to talk more privately.

    Good luck :)
     
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  3. moonshapedpool

    moonshapedpool Fapstronaut

    Completely agree with @diddykong. The experience for me has also been very similar, though I guess I got beyond the OCD side of things sometime ago, while OTOH I would say a lot of stuff with arousal I feel has been related to porn and associative tendencies, like you say.

    I also think it's hard to define the label: sexually turned on by guys in sexual activity, but not emotionally/romantically turned on or attached: much harder to say you're gay there (I think), unless that includes emotional/romantic stuff. I definitely know I'm in this camp too—try as I might to get myself emotionally/romantically interested, I know it just can't/hasn't happened. The only ongoing crushes I've had in my life have been girls, and I've been more apt to be emotionally/romantically into them. (Complicated story for me there too, though, that said.)

    I would also encourage detaching yourself from reaction-encouraging thoughts, esp. those that push you in the 'testing'/OCD direction, and just go with your gut (not your genitals—at least solely ;) ). Learning to live the NoFap life goes hand in hand with becoming a more balanced person with yourself in general—that's the thing I've been learning (the hard way).

    Also feel free to hit me up in the messages too man. Keep it up.
     
  4. Trey21

    Trey21 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the input guys...

    I am definitely open to trying whatever works, but it seems like people will say "well, who do you imagine kissing? That is your true orientation"

    And all my life, since a little boy, I had been imagining kissing and marrying a girl but for some reason I sometimes find guys making out a bit arousing? Even though I'm not inlove with them? Just confusing... I guess it's just shocking and taboo to see
     
  5. idclip

    idclip Fapstronaut

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    I think it's nothing like that, but simply your body that (given the self-imposed block you put between you and women due to your reboot) tried to find another way to get the sexual gratification it is built to seek, into something that your rational mind doesn't identify as arousing.

    Same reason for which we often find homosexual behaviour in other species than the human being.
    I think you should worry not about this, consider that at a philosophical level we're all bisexual, and maintain your focus on your reboot, knowing that you're not gay, and that the arousal came from the need your body has to have sexual relief.
     
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  6. moonshapedpool

    moonshapedpool Fapstronaut

  7. iRebootMyself

    iRebootMyself Fapstronaut

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    We are sexual beings, don't get me wrong, i have HOCD too and i had a hard time questioning my sexuality, but when i reboot i feel that im straight, those moments are a big relief and it's worth the struggling.
    We can have sex with anything literally, fleshlight, plastic toys etc...
    I think time and patience will heal the emotional wounds as always, do the reboot and give it some time.
     
  8. Mlaj

    Mlaj Fapstronaut
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    I'm glad I joined NoFap. Just yesterday I fund HOCD, and I got an "Ah ha moment". What an eye-opener! I've been suffering that for a looooong time. Sometimes I thought I was gay, anothers bi, and another straight. It was paralizing and agonizing. I read a lot about sexuality, and how flexible we are. I'm straight. For me the hint to knew what I was (it's similar to what @moonshapedpool said here) was paying attention not to sexual arousal but to emotional and romantic terms. Would I share my life with a man or with a woman? In my case, the answer is a woman.

    To beat HOCD (it's much weaker than years ago), I've ordered "Brian Lock", a 4-step-proccess to beat any OCD. I'll tell you how it goes.

    [​IMG]
     
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  9. diddykong

    diddykong Fapstronaut

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    Brain Lock is helping me a lot. I'd recommend it to any OCD sufferer. It's a lot more about washing and checking compulsions (like most OCD books are) but the techniques described are transferrable to HOCD. Like you, I have suffered with it for a long time. I still am but it's definitely getting easier to manage.

    They don't talk very much about ERP (exposure and response prevention) in the book though. ERP is really crucial in beating OCD (I do use the Four Steps to help with ERP). The only book I found that actually describes HOCD and how to do ERP is called "The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD".
     
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  10. Mlaj

    Mlaj Fapstronaut
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    Thanks a lot. I'll check that one as well. It really helps to know I'm not the only one. People show a façade, hidding their weaknesses, making you feel bad for not being perfect and having doubts, especially regarding sexuality.
     
  11. Thanks, definitely checking this out.

    Yes. People have developed fetishes to all sorts of things none of this is innate.

    Thanks this is very helpful. I successfully did a 90 but my fantasizing actually got worse. I am tackling this part now.

    I agree with this but porn viewing and fantasizing can distort things. I know that my HOCD got out of control when i started looking at porn this year. Before that it was a mild annoyance. I have never found men attractive in real life. I have always found women super attractive but have always suffered 'blocks' to fantasizing (not all the time but often) probably do to self esteem issues - (no woman would like me, I am not worth it) .

    It's a little hard to unpack but I realize I am fantasizing about porn, not real life.
     
  12. Mr Anderson

    Mr Anderson Fapstronaut

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    how did your fantisizing go? did it disappear? struggling a lot right now I'm on my 5x days of reboot but my attraction to women hasn't come back and hocd got worse
     
  13. Some people have taken as long as two years some 90 days- but it is doable. I have backslid a few times but I have started to realize that my 'fantasizing' is tied into anxiety, not my sexual tastes, so it's like an addiction hijacking the sex function. once you start to think of it like that - it is not YOU - then at least with me, it helped reduce the anxiety.
     
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  14. Mr Anderson

    Mr Anderson Fapstronaut

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    would that anxiety make you have sexual arousal? thanks for the advice
     
  15. anxiety can be tied into sexual arousal or sexual fantasizing yes, Sexualizing it is a way of dealing with the anxiety. Taboo breaking is also a big part of sexual fantasizing for many.
     
    Mr Anderson likes this.
  16. Mr Anderson

    Mr Anderson Fapstronaut

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    Do you think that a successful reboot or for getting rid of fetishes it's a must to avoid at all costs intrusive thoughts, flashbacks and fantasizing?
     

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