The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Thank you to those that responded to me, I am resetting my counter this morning.

Day 0

Fuck you OCD

 

Also I don't curse this much outside of these posts, not sure why it is amplified here. My bad!

 

Hey, it's perfectly fine to feel utterly confused. You are doing incredible things for yourself just by asking deep questions about yourself at such a young age. Keep taking steps, and eventually you'll find yourself somewhere new.

 

He had it year ago and I had similar experience where my ex kept calling me on messenger for two days in a very short t-shirt so I had to cover half the screen to guard my eyes and after this conversations I had sex in the dreams but fortunately without wd or ne,next thing happen yesterday when I was studying rebooting and looked for facial mapping pictures as it relates to state of health.I found few maps and one of them was on pinterest went there and saved it and had a look at my lists for a split of a second I saw just a thumbnail and not naked but very bubbly girl and that was enough for a wave of arousal to attack me-to get rid of it I went straight for a run but although diminished something filthy lingered for quite a few hours, today is much better and I do understand that without awareness and determination there is no chance to defeat this kind of urges.
So , brothers pay your dues and follow the tips or blame yourself for laziness and lack of effort later.

 

@Mr. Sinister it sounds like you are going through a whole lot. If I was going through what you are going through, I would be making an appointment with a therapist. You have demonstrated so much strength and will to get through what you have been through and then to take on a challenge like nofap. You are very courageous. I don't think you have failed at all. But you might benefit from an experienced therapist. I found CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to help a lot with managing my depression and social anxiety. I only went a few times but I learned some skills that have really helped.

 

First, you're doing great just by being on here and actively seeking quitting an addiction to PMO. Many people never make it this far, but you have.

Second, I agree that there is a lot to unpack here and that seeking professional help here could be very helpful in helping you find answers to some of your questions. We all have your back here, but we aren't trained in guiding you through some of those things. Myself, and many others on here I'd guess, have benefited from professional advice in the past...it can be a great way to take care of yourself!

Third, I don't believe that sexuality is cut and dry for many people. Don't beat yourself up if your sexuality doesn't fit into a box...you are taking time to introspectively learn who you are as a person. Answers to your questions will come, but it will take time and effort, which you are obviously willing to do. Life is a journey, not a destination.

Last, if you ever feel urges to hurt yourself again, have someone to reach out to. Someone that you can trust. Or even someone on here. We are all here for support, and we want you to thrive. You're doing great and we're all in this together.

 

Checking in. Let's be on our guard this weekend, everyone! Be well.

 

Day 2!

 

Hey man we're on the same journey--see you in Hobbiton tomorrow!

 

Day 4.

Great! That´s it!

Sacred Heart of Jesus, pray for us.

 

I am in
Day 0

 

Day 14. I'm a determined uruk-hai disgusted with his tribe and looking to defect to the side of goodness, self mastery, and unity. Can't wait to earn my furry feet tomorrow!

 

@RiseToGreatness

 

Friday check-in

Time to cross the Brandywine!

Today has been weird. So far I've prayed and that's about it. I plan to take a cold shower, meditate, do some work, and eat right.

I'm also going to try today to have a better appreciation for reality, for good people and things around me, rather than the illusions and hyper-reality offered by porn. I have to continue getting reacquainted with the real world. Being stuck in porn skews and distorts one's sense of the world and reality.

 

Thanks.

I had a lot to learn from and too much time to think about stuff with how fast my mind moves, it happens naturally.

New world here I come.

 

I have found that, if given time, my problems either are buried too far down to retrieve or fall away with my acceptance and self-counseling. A relatable lyrical video is my current mode of therapy and it works just fine if I keep myself in a stable condition. If I turn 18 and it's getting worse, I will seek help.

Thank you for the kind words. Strangely enough, when I am away from relapse mode all my past issues seem so obscure and transparent. Nothing bothers me aside from this addiction and losing my dog. If 1 on 1 therapy is anything like what I experienced at the youth ward then I don't want any part in it. Nothing changed with the skills they talked about. It all seemed so. . . slow for my style. Almost detrimentally mind-numbing.

Anyways, I will go for it with no holding back this time. I don't care what feelings I get from arousal, none of it means anything to me until this is over.

 

Thank you for commending my effort, it means a lot. I am glad to be surrounded by others like me.

Unless the professional would help me analyze what I am already constantly deconstructing, processing, and reiterating in my head then I see no reason for it. Only an outsider perspective would further my process of healing.

For sexuality, I have little doubt that even if attraction for the female did stay. . . it wouldn't be acted on. The part down under most used (I am sure you know what I am talking about) looks extremely unarousing on a woman to me which adds to the annoyance for my brain thinking the rest is 'nice'. Even the female voice is either a neutral or negative response.

I had not had an urge to hurt myself prior to this and I feel it was a one-time thing. My dog probably played a huge part in it. I was, even in my most emotional state, logical enough to want to target areas that wouldn't puncture arteries or cause internal bleeding. I was just going for pain as punishment. Even in my worst blunders of fury and grief, I am meticulously examining my next choice in action. . . it's kinda freaky.

 

day 4

 

Day 22 trod on