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My story

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by WhoGo, Jul 17, 2015.

  1. WhoGo

    WhoGo Fapstronaut

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    I'm 38 married male.
    It is almost 7 years of my marriage. I'm addicted with high speed internet pornography since 2003 or 2004.
    I understood this is an addiction last 3/4 years back after watching a youtube talk on TED TALK by Gray Wilson and i really want to thanks him for his great research.

    So, I'm addicted. I have wasted alot of time in my life. Before, I thought if I have my wife I can stop it but later when I'm married still it is continue. My porn addition is little different, I watch alot of videos and masturbation but still I love to have sex with my wife. If she can able I can have intercourse 2/3 times in a day. But unfortunately, my wife she is not that much interested in sex, what I mean is she is sick in sex and she do not feel it until I want it. Though, I'm addicted I can have sex long time in each session, 40 minutes to 1 hour.

    The Porn addiction has changed my sexual test. i don't know when I start loving mature women porn, and my 99% of time on porn waste on it. Mature ladies are more attracted to me and beautiful girls are not that much.

    Please advice.
     
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2015
    KingRecover17 likes this.
  2. SkyDoge

    SkyDoge Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to NoFap and I hope you can find the strength and support you need to quit porn forever.

    After you stop porn and masturbating, you will find it easier to finish sex with your wife. It will be more like 5 or 10 minutes and maybe she will enjoy it more.

    2 or 3 times a day is too much especially if your wife has a lower libido. You will have to change your habits and prepare to go through withdrawal symptoms.
     
    Handzfree and KingRecover17 like this.
  3. WhoGo

    WhoGo Fapstronaut

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    Thanks SkyDog, your words are really help me specially you talk about the libido, I don't have idea about it before.
    Now, I'm thinking to talk about it with my wife, and I found some herbal libido enhancer. I think this is a good option for my wife.

    Yes, you are right, 2/3 times is really too much but at lest once a day will be happier way for both side.

    I'm expecting more comments/suggestions/advises/encouragement. Dudes, your replies will surely help me.
     
  4. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    A agree with SkyDoge.

    Humbly.... Here are a few things to consider...

    Who do you want to be? It's obvious you are not happy with your addiction. I would wager $100 if your wife were to have sex with you 5 or 6 times a day, you would still be addicted to porn. So is this your wife's issue (she won't have enough sex) or yours?

    I encourage you to read and understand what is going on and why are you are addicted. As you mentioned, you have wasted a lot of time... but that doesn't matter. Right now is what counts! Start by getting an accountability partner. Take a look at the website yourbrainonporn.com. Learn! Read posts here on NoFap. See a counselor.

    In my humble opinion - I would suggest going just one day without porn, then 3, 5, 7 and so on.

    I wish you the very best and I believe you have the heart to take on the challenge!
    Welcome to NF, Cheers,
    HF
     
    WhoGo and CountryDude like this.
  5. WhoGo

    WhoGo Fapstronaut

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    Thanks to Handsfree for your advices.
    Everyday I am trying to read posts here in nofap and I am getting positive mental strength. Before, I though porn addition is impossible to remove from brain. But now, I think it is possible.

    It is 2/3 days I stopped PMO but something happening in my brain that all works become slow without watching porn. It is more harder to fight in the battle field.

    Is there any kind of medicine or food or exercise that help me these days?
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2015
  6. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    WhoGo,

    First off congratulations on getting a few days under your belt. Give yourself some credit. What you are doing is not easy... but it's damn worth it.

    Exercise helped me. Meditation did too. Go back to times that were pre-PMO. What did you do for fun back then? Re-visit those hobbies. Spend time just walking with your wife at your side. Whatever you do, you have to change.

    You are correct too. The mind is the battlefield... Just remember you control the thoughts, not the other way. Whenever you go to a "porn" thought, try to go back to the previous thought and try to understand what the trigger is? Fear, Loneliness, Sadness?

    I encourage you though.. keep going, one moment, one hour, one day at a time. You can do it!

    cheers - HF
     
    WhoGo likes this.
  7. Aghast

    Aghast Fapstronaut

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    Hey WhoGo, i'd just like to add one thing that I have experienced that I think is similar to you. For years you were watching a lot of sexual videos online. This essentially was supercharging your sex drive. That is why you feel horny constantly. While quitting PMO you may find that for the first few weeks you will want sex from your wife every single day. You are going to be in pain from withdrawals as chemicals in your brain get re-adjusted and you should probably make it clear to her why you will be acting weird so she understands.

    This stage goes by relatively quickly when you think about it in terms of how long you have been using PMO.

    After a few weeks you will eventually flatline. This means that your huge urge to have sex all of the time will suddenly disappear. You will sort of feel dead downstairs. I'm told this will eventually go away. I have only ever made it 1 month so I can't speak past that stage. I have experienced the flatline. it didn't bother me very much, it was a relief not to feel horny all the time. Good luck and success with your NoFap journey, it is very much worth it for a better and closer marriage.
     
    WhoGo and Handzfree like this.
  8. WhoGo

    WhoGo Fapstronaut

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    Handsfree and Aghast thanks alot,
    Your advices really helping me alot.

    What kind of exercise and how long and how many times a day?
    -Re-visit those hobbies, that's a good ides,
    -Fear, Loneliness, Sadness;> Yes the triggers.

    -withdrawals as chemicals in your brain get re-adjusted> how long it could take to re-adjust if it is 13 years old bad practice?
    -After a few weeks you will eventually flatline> I'm really waiting for this flat time.

    I am expecting support all the friends of this forum. Every new reply make me really mentally stronger.

    Thanks
     
  9. Purity of Speech

    Purity of Speech Fapstronaut

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    good going, WhoGo. if you keep at it, you'll find a lot of things to change for the good. (i'm saying, even though, at the moment i'm still failing myself all the time :); but i used to be a lot better...)
    i would like to recommend you something that you may even want to share with your wife. it's a book by marnia robinson (cupid's poisoned arrow) that really changed my perspective on sexuality a lot. her basic point is that orgasm makes you a little sick for about 2 weeks (!) from a dopamine hangover, most of which translates into immature relationship behavior, like excessive sexual hunger, clinginess, callousness, being annoyed easily, nagging etc.
    she proposes a different kind of sexuality called 'karezza' as the cure for this. very well written book but you can also get a lot of
    her on youtube. she also has a website where people with sexual compulsions but that should be easy to find if you're interested.
    all the best!
     
  10. WhoGo

    WhoGo Fapstronaut

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    Hey Blixer, thanks for your reply. Can u please give me marina robinson's website?

    I really appreciate your help.
     
  11. WhoGo

    WhoGo Fapstronaut

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    Hi CountryDude, is it safe to have sex with wife while struggling the challenging period?

    If yes how many times in a week or month?
     
  12. Purity of Speech

    Purity of Speech Fapstronaut

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    marnia robinsons's website: http://www.reuniting.info/
    i really liked her book because it's a lot of her personal story but also quite a bit of science and some spiritual stuff.
     
  13. Purity of Speech

    Purity of Speech Fapstronaut

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    possibly a good question to post on her website. i would imagine that she would recommend non-orgasmic sex, which is more oriented towards bonding...
     
  14. CountryDude

    CountryDude Fapstronaut

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    You may get a chaser-efffect every time.
     
  15. WhoGo

    WhoGo Fapstronaut

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    After few days of my struggling, I feel no sex.
    I was going through many posts where I found flatline. Is that hard time coming after that.
     

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