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I feel so trapped...

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by REDLIPSTICKPOP, Jan 27, 2021.

  1. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    A quick search brought this up https://www.verywellmind.com/loneliness-causes-effects-and-treatments-2795749 which goes over that being chronically lonely can literally make you more likely to develop not just mental but physical issues. People who are constantly lonely have worse, shorter lives than those who are not.

    Yes, I have heard of Hikikomori, and the comparison is apt. When I talk about "incels" I literally mean the definition of the word, someone who is celibate, but doesnt want to be, an involuntary celibate. You dont need to be anything other than celibate against your will to be counted as an incel. Now its perfectly fair to not want to associate yourself with this term, because of the negative connotation, but at this point it really is just a buzzword if used out of its original context. The media tried to paint the people on reddit who bought all that Gamestop stock as "incels" just because they knew doing so would inspire the reaction they wanted in people. A lot of these people used that money to pay off their student loans or pay for medical care, it has literally NOTHING to do with sex in any capacity. Sure, a lot of incels are extremely bitter and or hold extreme views, and many certainly dont help themselves. But at the same time many are just normal people who want to have sex but cant for some reason, and I dont think they should be hated just because of that. Judge people because of their actions, not because they are lumped into a pre-set box of attributes or supposed beliefs. You make much the same point in your "women are not a monolith" thread.

    I write space opera style science fiction. Currently on my second book in a planned trilogy.
     
    REDLIPSTICKPOP and Stenacity like this.
  2. Stenacity

    Stenacity Fapstronaut

    I wasn't super social before the pandemic, but I've definitely noticed a difference in my before and after. Not having physical classes to go to, was part of it. Classes gave me some social interaction and external structure I've been missing.

    As far as the wakeup call, are there things that you want to do differently once things start opening up again?

    It's so cool you've started writing!! This is the perfect time for that, I'd imagine. I always loved the idea of being a writer, and envy people with stories and characters in their heads. Do you self-publish? Or are you looking for someone to publish your stuff?

    Social isolation is definitely a factor and I think it's just going to get worse as we develop more and more ways to interact remotely. My ex and I used to argue about the need and value for physical face time and not just virtual visiting.

    Agreed. There is something to be said for everyone having to go down to the well together for water. It made it a lot harder to effectively be a shut-in. And while I'm not a religious, church/temple/mosque person, part of me envies the regular social and community nature of it.

    I think with the proliferation of tech we're not teaching/learning empathy as much or as well. We do/say things online that we'd never say to someone's face, forgetting (or not caring) there is another human being on the other side of the screen. I think people are also feeling more overwhelmed by the complexities of the modern world and its demands and as a result shut down instead of reach out. We don't think about bringing over the neighborly casserole, or even know our neighbors.

    Then we get hurt, lonely, isolated, and depressed... Which leads to further isolation and depression and becomes a downward spiral.

    I don't really have an answer though. I'm kind of a textbook poster child for the overwhelm/withdrawal/isolation/depression cycle myself.

    I'm glad you have your writing. It sounds like it really nurtures your soul.
     
    AtomicTango likes this.
  3. Stenacity

    Stenacity Fapstronaut

    Warren Buffet is supposed to be a pretty interesting guy and supposedly a pretty decent human being. What do you think after reading his biography? I think the most interesting biography I've read was the biography of P.T. Barnum. Perhaps not the most enlightening person to read about, but a very interesting snapshot into the era and someone who was larger than life in many ways.

    I think it's so cool you've gotten back into game development! It seems like it has the potential to be a rapidly changing field. And storytelling is so critical to the success of a game. What kind of game are you designing?

    Oh I've totally failed at this. You should just order me a headstone. On the bright side, I don't need a literal headstone

    My struggle with addiction has been a motivation to look into the forces behind human behavior, compulsive behaviors, habit building, self-destructive tendencies, neuroplasticity, and so on. I get obsessive and really battle with self-destructive behavior (hence the addiction issues) so I'm trying to deconstruct and hack my own brain... be my own lab rat, more or less, I guess? The biggest challenge has been identifying what is real, evidence-based science, vs anecdotal or opinion based on BS.
     
  4. Stenacity

    Stenacity Fapstronaut

    I'm another person in the camp of online friendships can be as real and sustaining as any other friendship.

    I moved from Virginia to California as a teen and left all my friends behind. I hated California, hated my new school, hated the move. Plus I was shy and had a hard time opening up to new people.

    After running up the phone bill several months in a row my dad (god bless) introduced me to this new thing called "the internet" and taught me how to get on IRC. I'm still close friends with some of the people from those days, whereas I have no relationships at all with anyone from either high school I went to. We used to meet up in person at Dragon*Con in the summer.. Or road trip out to see one another. I met friends from the channel in Toronto, Atlanta, Birmingham, Scotland, New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, San Diego, and San Francisco.. So it can be done, it just takes a lot of time and is harder without the face-to-face. I still consider them real friends, almost family in some cases. I've known my IRC friends almost 3/4 of my life at this point, I think? But I was also there on the channel with them for years before things like MySpace, Friendster and eventually Facebook.

    Ahhh.. Back when dinosaurs ran the internet and UNIX was cool. *le sigh*
     
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  5. Stenacity

    Stenacity Fapstronaut

    I ❤️ space operas!! I got my brother and his girlfriend the books they based The Expanse on for Christmas.

    I'm so excited for this trilogy to be born!!
     
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  6. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    As it stands, I still go out to walk every other day, so I do manage to get some fresh air and outdoor exercise. I think what bothers me is that even though I was not social anyway, it was usually through choice. Now I have no choice but to be antisocial even if I dont want to be.

    Before this started, I was seriously considering going on a long holiday by myself. Japan was one of the places I had in mind. There was nothing stopping me from doing it other than my own anxiety about it, but I've always wanted to do it and would likely love it. I was also trying to apply for jobs before it started but basically gave up once the first lockdown kicked in because it became demoralizingly pointless to even bother.

    The main wakeup call was in fact the writing. I saw the chance to make something of my time, so I took it. Definitely worked out for me. I have not looked into publishing yet because I still need to write all the first drafts and then edit them down to a standard I am pleased enough with to let people other than my beta readers read. If you have any desire to write, you should do it, even if you dont think it will turn out well. Its worth at least trying, start out with something like flash fiction or short stories.

    Agreed. Human beings are pack animals by nature and spending so much time alone is fundamentally unnatural, so its no surprise that loneliness hits us so damn hard.

    Yeah, I envy the community aspect as well. I appreciate the friends I have made online and love talking and doing stuff with them, but its just not the same, and I think we all know it. I almost feel like two different people, the confident, outgoing person I am online, and the shy, introverted recluse am I am in real life.

    That too. Too many people exist in a state sometimes referred to as "always online" where the internet replaces their actual reality and it warps their personality.

    I dont have any answers for it either, other than trying to be nicer to myself and others.

    Thank you for the kind words. If you are interested there is this thread to check out. https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/becoming-the-writer-i-want-to-be.268267/
     
  7. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    Okay thank you so much, this makes a lot of sense, especially the Gamestop comparison because, according to the media, I am an "incel" too LOL (I bought some of the stock and joined that reddit group :p). That was honestly hilarious.

    And omg, how dare you use my thread against me LOL. Ahahaha, (that was a very good point LMAOOO. I will take my seat now). Thanks for clearing that up--I will definitely look more into it and educate myself some more. Also, I did learn this week how much of a political buzzword that is--it's very powerful.


    Ahhh so cool! I recently got into space opera about, two years ago, and man I'm in love. I always avoided it because for some reason I thought I wouldn't like it, but after reading a lot of them, I realize it's one of my most favorite genres! You keen to share any interesting spoilers/a summary of your book? :p
     
  8. REDLIPSTICKPOP

    REDLIPSTICKPOP Fapstronaut

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    Ohhh that's so awesome! That is a beautiful story tbh. It's so cool to here how long you guys have been in touch--and inspiring too!

    Ahahaha when dinosaurs ran the internet LOL!
     
    Choosing Better likes this.
  9. Yea he is a very interesting guy. He has such a strong character and is so very admirable. I think I learned a lot of life lessons from that book, with his quote "The purpose of life is to have as many people love you, that you want loving you" and I think that opened up so much for me. Also, there were tons of instances where he chose integrity over money and I feel like thats what helped him amass his fortune. Very model human being, I wish to meet him one day.

    I'm so glad to be back in game development, it's gotten a lot easier to pick up with all the learning resources available online. The vast amount of youtube tutorials and forums with people sharing tips and advice has really helped me get back into it. Yes storytelling is soooo very critical when you're making a game that actually does have a story. I'm making a 3d adventure game, still very early in the process but I finally just finished making the character and programming his movement! :D !!!

    Hm this is a good way to spend your quarantine. I guess when you can understand the fundamental issues causing your addiction and understand how the brain responds to these things, beating it is a lot easier. Let me just tell you, addictions aren't ever easy, so don't be hard on yourself if you find it a struggle. The effort you make to break it will always be worth it. Sometimes I find it difficult with urges but I'm hanging in there! That's what counts the most :)
     
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  10. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    A lot of words nowadays are so far removed from their original context that they have no meaning anymore. Calling someone a racist used to be a serious accusation and now its just something you get called if you disagree with someone on twitter.

    The most basic summary of the story I can give is that it follows two primary storylines. One is about a male character who lives on a crime infested moon, and is recruited by an eccentric ships captain. One is about a female character who lives on a planet bordering an alien faction that has been silent for decades, until one day they decide not to be. To say much more would be to go into specifics.
     
  11. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    Hello! How are you doing?
     

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