The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 88! My keyboard's battery is low yet I won't let that stop me from doing an update.
In the past 2 days I've removed most of the instagram girls I was following, since I plan on using Instagram for an older project I put on hold, probably due to the fact that I started throwing my energy into a relationship at that time and wasted the remaining energy on working and smoking. Smoking, which will represent the next step in my journey.
Now, unfollowing all the wenches was pretty easy with the feature that allow an user to unfollow related accounts... But I noticed a small hesitance inside! I tried to watch the thoughts materializing inside my head (thanks to meditation practice this whole time) as it was going on. "I won't be able to see hot girls anymore!" and "What if they post a really hot picture and I've done my reboot?" and other simp thoughts life that. But it was amazing how simple it was to unfollow them as I meditated to myself "How beautiful would the timeline look, knowing that I will only see things that are in my interest, that my intellectual capacity won't be highjacked or drained the aggressive posting of girl pics by dudes that have no other means of producing money.
I imagine this as the following scenario:
Let's say You visit a city... You have your friends there, you have events and people doing joking or doing a multitude of things... And as you are walking through the city, admiring the views and what's going on... until you reach a part of the town where you start seeing barely naked women and the further you go into that direction more and more of these women appear... By this time, you realize that you are in the infamous part of the town where money is everything and everyone can be bought... The part of town where you live from one day to another, the place where everything seems fun but only for a day... for if you see that happening every day you would be inclined to believe that those people are on the edge of insanity.
So I asked myself this question... "What do you want to see? What connections do you want to make?". Having had my fair share of moving and explorations it was an easy answer... But for some of you, who hadn't had any tampering with the dark/hidden and hidden parts of towns/groups... I can tell you that no futures are created there only constant debt (and the debt is not just monetary, but internal also).
Anyway! I must remember to buy batteries tomorrow for today I'm keeping it chill before the great day of tomorrow in which opportunity lies!
Have a great night!

 

Day 1 trod on

 

Fantastic congrats - 200 days is where we all want to be!

 

Checking in on day 18....jumping onto the ferry at Brandywine! Good to be looking back and seeing PM on the bank that I'm leaving. Onward!

 

Day 22,

Easy flow to the day, but pretty low energy. Happy to have taken a rest day from running today Getting ready for lecture now and working with the ideas of kindness and compassion. Working on coming back to this mindset in all respects. Understanding that I am not in control of my environment, however, I am in control of how I confront my environment.

Best to you all and lets have a PMO free weekend!

Onwards and upwards Fellowship!

 

Checking in friends

No PMO - Day 79 - 4 days to the Dead Marshes - boy there is no room for complacency on this quest!

Reflections - Dreaming of a past girlfriend from way back but she is a projection of my loneliness nothing more - and the yearning I have for my past life is my mind playing tricks trying to get me so slip down those DeltaFosB slopes in my brain. Work is not good. I think I am pushing people away subtly and now they are turning on me. I am projecting the pain that my wounded boss projects onto me. Struggling with holding these difficult emotions and not able to just watch them pass...

Challenge daily your excuses to pmo -

• "nobody cares!" - yes they do, my employer cares, my parents and brothers care even though they don't understand why I am hurtful, I am hurtful because of PMO, and they don't understand when I can talk to them and be an anchor for their toils, because they don't know I am in recovery

• "ah you've gone longer than most people would, it's unnatural to deny yourself" - great video from @RiseToGreatness yesterday from JK Emezi where he talks of many of his clients who relapse after 1-2 years. And he says 1-2 years as if it was nothing, and I guess 1-2 years is nothing. In 11 days I'll be at 90 days, a great milestone, but only a quarter of a year. Then on another 10 days after that I will be on 100 days which is only 20% of the quest on this forum. That has to be the goal now - yes no PMO forever, but 500 days of strict recovery program - regular check-ins here, regular reaching out to the Fellowship for help, regular Freedom Fight videos - so no let up for me until April 2022 when I can say hand on heart I am free

Exercise - Swim

Cold Shower - Yes

Mindful Breathing - not yet

Practise BRACE - No and this might have something to do with the lethargic type low level urges that are creeping in

Procrastination - no

Vanity - no victories today unfortunately - I am too self absorbed and pining after the loss of support I used to have from a colleague who has turned on me

Acting the idiot, boasting, blather - yes in first meeting that I hosted this morning I was cracking jokes which were a little too close to the bone for some to handle and were probably perceived as me hypocritically judging others

Study about the reboot - Freedom Fight see below

Follow a triggers prevention plan - BRACE! Early to bed early to rise, getting off sugar slowly but surely, do the tasks I set myself for this weekend please!, do not watch anything with triggers this weekend ( watch a few games instead )

Why am I doing this? - to strengthen my resilience, my ability to bounce back when life knocks me down, and it will keep knocking me down. I can't control life's knocks, but I can stop knocking myself down and I can grow stronger to better face life's knocks - this is my choice, and I choose to help, rather than destroy, myself

Freedom Fight - Matthew 5:29-30
What would you do if someone offered you 1 mill dollars to go without pmo for 90 days - Freedom from PMO addiction is more valuable than 1 mill dollars! So Get Radical! - divert your eyes! Not triggering lust through your eyes will help keep cravings in check - - Eliminate all sources of lust - Focus on one day at a time and celebrate your progress - Pray as Our Lord Jesus taught us, "lead us not into temptation". The best way to avoid temptation is avoid the situation that gives rise to temptation

Moving back up the FASTER scale!

• Restoration -
• Forgetting Priorities -
• Anxiety - Seeking Creating Drama
• Speeding up -
• Ticked off
• Exhausted
• Relapse

Commitments for tomorrow - Humility, No PMO, Vigilance and Mindful of Thought (Extinguish all lustful fantasy before they are even a flame & any time I see a fault in another think of my own faults (of which I have infinitely more examples)), of Word (No bitching or complaining & Connect to my vulnerability by being reserved and quiet), of Action (Connect to my tasks and stay diligent and true to my commitments), Be very aware of danger everywhere for the next 3 weeks especially and most importantly do not take my eye off Gollum, not even for one second....

 

Day 36

Slightly easier journey today brothers, felt a little down this morning which very nearly triggered me, but the rest of the day was a joy! I remembered the importance of daily walks as an opportunity to get out of my own head, and to see what this wonderful world has to offer!

Onwards to Moria!

 

wow! this is incredible man. Congratulations!!!

 

Day 162. Checking in.

 

Day 46

 

Thank you everyone for wishes....stay strong
Day 200 +1

 

Day 284. Last night I had a dream about relapse. Felt a little low this morning but moved on.

 

I am considering leaving nofap. I originally joined back as a matter of getting my HOCD under control, which I feel I have. I have other more pressing issues I need to fix. Loss of appetite, potential unwanted weight loss (will be waiting for it to drop more so I know it isn't natural fluctuation), nausea while eating formerly normal food portions, sleeping issues, mood swings, etc.

I originally joined a year and a half ago not even knowing about this website, I wanted to improve myself. I did, then trauma hit, and I went back into porn. Eventually, the porn caused HOCD, now that it's gone I feel I can leave nofap.

I know I would be giving up something by not pursuing this, but I really don't know what is left to gain from it. Can it help with any of my issues? I don't know. Any suggestions would help.

 

Day 10 complete!

I went for a run today, which is something I haven't been able to do for the past few days. I knew I usually end up feeling triggered and "amped up" for MO after exercise like that, and sure enough, I was right. The urges were there like always, but somehow, it felt easier to say no to them. This particular streak is nothing special, but I've been doing NoFap for several months now, and maybe I'm beginning to reach a tipping point. At the very least, it could be that my positive growth away from disordered sexual thoughts is going to accelerate. Porn was never the biggest issue for me, but even in terms of compulsive MO behavior, my brain feels...free.

@Mr. Sinister That's up to you. If you don't think NoFap has anything to offer you anymore, no need to stick around and continue pouring time and energy into it. However, I'm not sure that's the case. While this site may be focused specifically on overcoming PMO and associated behaviors, the folks here offer so much advice and guidance for general lifestyle/mental health improvement. Just look at the meditation exercises consistently offered in this thread! NoFap is a lifestyle, not just a goal.

 

Day 2

 

My last post.

Brothers, for one last time I will post here on NoFap and specifically in this thread. Over the past months, I have come to know you guys and I can't thank you enough for the guidance you have provided for me. Now, for one last time, I will try to provide that same guidance for you, whereafter we will part ways forever.

I see people reaching '200 days' and I think to myself: it is incredible that someone has so much willpower to reach 200 days in an addictive state. I also think to myself how stupid it is, to fight addictive behaviour for 200 days and count all of those days, instead of just curing the addiction in 1 day and leaving everything behind. The whole point of this stuff is to break free from the chains of PMO, but everybody here is still revolving their lives around it. By focussing each and every day on not PMO'ing, you have PMO'ing (or not doing it) on your mind e-v-e-r-y day - how crazy is that. Counting the days since your last sessions as if it is some kind of trophy. Once you decide to quit PMO'ing and know, really know, that you are no addict anymore, then you can leave it all behind. Quitting porn is easy, moping about it and being indecisive makes it difficult.

And this is why, brothers, NoFap is part of the problem. Counting days, moping about quitting PMO every day, etc. etc. is all making it super hard to quit porn. NoFap is keeping you all in chains, and the fact that you are here is only proving that. Which is why I choose to leave this place behind once and for all, because I do not need it anymore and I have spread my message, it's here for anyone who wants to hear it.

I don't want to bash anyone here or be a d*ck, but I know the way and this is not it. Not for me, not for anyone. I can't phrase this stuff in the perfect way, but there are those who can. Read the SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION.p.SPAM REMOVED (spam code #001) - REPORT TO MODERATION.m.e.t.h.o.d, and read the additional resources mentioned there as well. Set yourself free.

Peace

GreenTinted60sMind
Ex-PMO'er

 

Checking in on Day 62.

 

Great post brother ! With so many Great truths mentioned !

Stay strong and keep doing what you think is right. Everything will settle down the right way and in the end and they will drop their' turn on you' attitude for they are your brothers and sisters in One God too and they feel your true intentions and attitudes towards them.

 

Day 60. Looking forward to a nice weekend with some snow on Sunday. I feel fully recovered from PAWS episode I was experiencing this week. Back to baseline with 30 days left in my no PMO 90 day reset.

 

Happy Saturday everyone!