Help me to stop thinking about novelty

I hate to break it to you but you won't be getting rid of the feeling of longing, at least in the beginning of this process. "Getting rid" of any feeling is not how you beat it. You have to learn to ride the discomfort it makes your feel and strengthen your willpower to CHOOSE not to give in the feeling of desire. I so have a few suggestions. Try to occupy your mind with something else whenever you get caught in the trap. Doing other things beside what your habit wants you to do will help break the habit. And also, be kind to yourself if you do fail. We ALL fail here. It's part of the process and its okay to fail. Just get back up and try again. Usually in time you'll find yourself doing better and better. If you can learn to co-exist with your urges and longings instead of fighting them, you will have a much easier time succeeding in your goals. That goes for ALL emotions, too.

 

You do not love asian girls. You are addicted to asian porn. There is a big difference. In real life asian women are not that great, not any better or worse than the next one. They are individual people with feelings.

Understand that the novelty craving is unique to porn and the way it messes with your brain.

If you love your girlfriend you will not cheat on her. And many women consider your watching porn, or even fantasizing about other women while masturbating, as cheating.

 

Don't try to get rid of the feeling. When you do that, you are turning it into a problem. You are saying no to a part of reality. Instead say yes. Say yes I do feel this way, and accept it. Then remember that all urges pass. Urges do not last forever. They feel intense, and important, and we feel inclined to act on them, but we don't have to. We don't need to either. Find outlets in your life which are rewarding and enriching. Take your life to the next level. Start thinking of ways you can be novel in romancing your girlfriend, via things like a nice dinner or a thoughtful gift. We don't get rid of those feelings, we use alchemy to turn them into gold.

 

@Olmer It's nobody's business how your relationship is run but you and your significant other's. The point is that you're here and you obviously brought it up because you think it is affecting things. So the best we can do is give you advice on how to stop, and encourage you to keep going. We are not relationship therapists.

 

Take it easy on him. I think @Olmer was just trying to make a point that was beneficial for the reader by using his own experiences. He wasn't trying to get us to fix his relationship problem.

 

@cryptifly I was actually defending him, perhaps I should have worded it differently and it was taken out of context.

 

@cryptifly I didn't want him to feel like anybody was trying to be hard on him and see he was cheating.

 

Didn't seem like it when I read it, but I'm not infallible. What made me respond was when you said "We're not relationship therapists." That was unnecessarily harsh, in my opinion. Especially when he never asked for help, he was just sharing.

 

I don't know what this sexual problem is you keep saying your gf has. But you have a sexual problem that might be causing her problem.

When you're addicted to porn for that many years, as I was, you can't have sex with a woman correctly because you're still thinking about porn during sex instead of figuring out what your partner likes and paying attention to her body language. If she is thinking about your porn viewing she might feel unattractive BECAUSE of that. So yeah you might be completely wrong to say it's her responsibility to start seeing a therapist. No dude it's your responsibility to quit porn and then the relationship will improve.

 

Olmer I apologize. I misunderstood the situation

 

@cryptifly
I was simply stating that what happens within his relationship is the business of himself and his significant other, and not to worry about what anybody else here says. I was under the impression that he was offended by SkyDoge calling it cheating. There may be some relationships where a certain amount of pornography and such is acceptable, and maybe even used to spice up a sex life. I was only prompting him to trust the correct guidance for the issue at hand. I'm sorry if this offended you in some way.

 

It's all good, bro, I wasn't offended. I fear I may have been projecting a little of my own stuff onto you when I responded. The words you used came across as rough and a little attacking and for some reason I felt the need to defend him. Water under the bridge.

 

No, the thoughts don't ever stop, that's not how your brain works. You'll always find yourself thinking about something you don't want to. The key, in my opinion, is not to STOP thinking but to train yourself to one, coexist with the thought without taking action on the urge it brings up and two, just let it slide on by while something else replaces it. The second one is harder, for sure, but I think practicing to keep your mind centered on the present moment and on what the sensations in your body are instead of what your head wants you to do is important.

 

I don't have any evidence or science to back this up but basically this means that the thoughts your brain produces cannot be controlled, as in, turned on or off at will. It just doesn't work like that. Thought will keep happening as well as feelings... that's part of being human. It's up to you to make the right choices that are beneficial for your recovery.

What do you mean by "normal masturbation"? What is the difference in your mind between this and PMO?
If I'm reading you correctly you're worried about the thoughts that are in your head, correct? If this is true, I don't think there's anything to worry about. Thoughts are thoughts and unless you act on the thoughts that are in your head, they're harmless. It almost seems that you're worried that you're cheating on your gf because of these thoughts and that isn't true. It's very normal to have weird or kinky thoughts about any number of women. There's nothing wrong with the thinking part. If, however, you're taking these thoughts and acting on them with different women behind your gf's back, THAT'S a problem. Tell her your fantasies. Maybe she'll even agree to act out some of the images you have. That's very healthy for loving relationship.