1/90 I forgot to post earlier. I relapsed yesterday but can tell I've made a lot of progress, so I'm not going to get down about it. Today has been very positive overall. Don't have time to post in detail right now.
I wanna be strong! ( if anyone says to me something, then I should not be affected by it as I'm not what the person said) I'll tell you guys I had several times been exposed to erotic imagery but because of my will blacked it out but sometimes I saw the imagery. I didn't count it as a relapse. But NOW! I'm gonna go in hard mode from February 25 and heal myself in a way in which I didn't have had any regret of not doing it correctly.
Day 3 of 90... Still a lot to do but im tryna kill the urges by growing positivity inside my head and emotion so it doesnt go uncontrolled... But ya, lets go!
Starting a reboot today! I have relapsed a few times recently, and I have noticed a decrease in focus. I want to clean up my mind and change as a person. Day 1 of 90!
Few months back I had a streak of 43 days with no PMO. Once I relapsed it was a nightmare for me to come out of it. Today, I am going to start from scratch. Hope it would be a beginning for a new life ahead.
Just knocked this together in Excel. Print it out, stick it somewhere you will see it often and mark it as you go. Day 2
90/90! I'm happy to have reached this milestone but also a little humbled by the struggle of the last few days. I thought I'd share a few thoughts on the journey so far: This is still very much a work in progress for me. Urges continue to arise. They seem to come in waves where they're strong for several days and then subside for a while. Relapse continues to be a possibility that I need to guard against. How I used will-power to reach my goals changed over time. At the start when the urges felt so overpowering I would tell myself "just make it to lunch", or "hang on for another hour", going by my sense of what felt do-able for me at the time. Usually that was enough to get into a different state of mind where the urges weren't as much of a problem. Gradually a daily goal felt more useful and motivating. This moved to a 5 day cycle and that's been effective for me. This NoFap community has been a great blessing for me For one thing, it helped me start to break down the great burden of shame around this problem that I've been carrying for years and years. Knowing that there are others out there engaged in the same struggle, other people who I can respect and admire, is tremendously inspiring and energizing. Reading other peoples' journals was enormously helpful as well. There's so much honest struggle, hard won insight, and compassion in those journals. The window into how this struggle is part of their whole life journey helped me see parts of my own life that I need to look at more closely. It helped me accept that this is not an easy journey. And relapse can be part of the journey rather than the end of the road. Knowing that some people who have counters in the several 100's relapsed over and over again at the beginning got me through some difficult times. Doing the challenges were very helpful. I started with the 90 day and after relapsing a couple of times, completed the 14 day and 30 day challenges, until I got to a point where I felt like I could face the 90 day again. Someone set up a no p-sub challenge for the month of January and it was really good for me to be clear about not crossing that line. Unfortunately I haven't been so good at this in February. Checking in here regularly, reading journals, liking posts and occasionally commenting on them were good habits to get into. I did this daily for about 6 months, although eventually I found the daily check-ins were becoming counter-productive as they seemed to be bringing sexual thoughts to the front of my mind each day. I moved to checking in every 5 days and that seems better now. Understanding the physical and mental dynamics of addiction was an important foundation I learned that if I relapse I need to try to get back to abstaining right away, even if I'm not successful and continue to relapse for a few days. One time I told myself I'll stop again after a week, which just became permission for me to throw myself into indulging for that week and made it much more difficult to get back on track. But the main thing I've learned is to just keep on trying. Relapse can feel so discouraging and disheartening but for many, if not most of us, it's part of this journey. And relapsing and then recovering from it after 2 months was different than relapsing after 2 weeks which was different than relapsing after 2 days. Even if I felt discouraged by it, I also realized that my mind was that much cleaner and stronger for having put the work in over that period and abstained for all the days I did. While my counter went back to zero, I was still that much further along the journey and closer to my goal. Getting to 90 days wasn't just the last 3 months. For me it took from July to now. For you it might be more or less time but regardless of how long it takes, you are getting closer every hour and every day you abstain. Next steps Overall I know that I still need to get cleaner in my abstaining. There have been a few times during the 90 days where I've given myself permission to pursue some p-subs for a while or to enjoy something stimulating when I've come across it during the day. I've been able to muscle through the 90 days in spite of this but I know I can't do this if it's going to become a permanent change. I'm going to reset my counter to 0 and make this the focus of my next 90 days. Wishing all of you the best on your journey!
Day 3. Addiction is giving up everything for ONE THING. Recovery is giving up one thing for EVERYTHING.”
