100 Cold Approaches

Only 1 approach today

It was close to the main square. Asked her where I can find a particular monument. She opened up easily although she barely could speak English (asked me personal questions). Her body language also communicated that she didn't mind having a chat (putting her mask down on the chin, taking off the cap of her rain coat although it was raining, her feet didn't point towards the path that she was initially taking). The conversation passed the 10 min mark and towards the end I suggested if she wanted to hang out. She barely understood me so I mentioned 'WhatsApp'. She said that she has it and hands me her phone so I can put in my digits.

Waiting/hoping for a girl to text you is a bad strategy that can stack up frustration/disappointment. It's better to have zero expectations and assume that she won't text/answer you.

Although my ego likes it that I can share that I did at least one approach and this thread definitely motivates me doing it (I also have a 'Cold Approach' chain on dontbreakthechain.com that I don't want to break, a great method to build habits though), the prevalence of the extrinsic motivation over the intrinsic motivation can be questionable.

I feel that I have to have more intense - in terms of quantity - approach sessions in order to leave the beginner phase and start getting some results. Just approaching one girl whilst there are many more opportunities in a day is better than nothing, but it doesn't allow you to get into a flow/momentum where you are warmed up during the later approaches where you can be a bit more detached. I doubt that I can do marathons of 30 approaches, but I think that doing at least 5 (not necessarily everyday) is a decent amount in order to reach a satisfactory level of this skill. 1 approach feels like entering a gym to do 1 set of bench press and then leaving whilst telling yourself that you had a good gym session.

Although one ought not to care what others think, I couldn't help but feel a bit uncomfortable when I asked the girl how old she was (towards the end of the conversation) given the fact that there was some foot traffic at the spot where I talked with her (it was at the edge of a square, so no car noise to make the conversation a bit more private). "God, these people must think I'm a pimp/porn recruiter or something!". It's kind of funny if you ask me

Total: 72/100

 

Opened up with a girl in the supermarket today

I asked her a question in the egg section (asking for recommendations). I was able to strike up a bit of a conversation but it was so directionless as she barely could speak a word of English. Towards the evening (when I was in the supermarket), I thought "I will open up with at least one girl before the night falls." so I don't break my 'one approach a day' streak/chain. However, I'm always searching for reasons not to approach so most opportunities are sadly unmet. If I miss an opportunity (e.g. a girl I have eye contact with on the street) then I always think: "Maybe this girl would have been down to get to know me better.". But the truth is: I will never know. And if she wasn't open for a chat, would such thing matter when my life is flashing by when I will be dying?

I also had a bit of a chat with a girl at a juice bar. The conversation took a personal path but I'm not going to count this - the question was actually sincere ("Do they serve vegetable juices here?"). It is getting easier to hold a conversation with strangers. This challenge has contributed to that for sure.

Total: 73/100

It's all in your hands now. It's merely a matter of choice to now go up to a woman and say some words.

What will you regret more: trying it (and maybe getting something, even just the experience) or not trying it?

 

Opened up with a group of 2 girls

I was just waiting at the ATM machine to withdraw money and they were before me, so I though why not open up with them once they are finished.

I asked them a stupid question "Does this machine take euro?". I then shifted it towards another question "Does this bank charge any conversion rates?"

I was able to have a bit of a chat but it didn't really went personal although they were pretty open. The logistics of the spot were terrible: it was at a heightened pathway that was very narrow with a lot of foot traffic so I wasn't able to make things more laid back.

Again, there is a lack of convergence between action and opportunity. My brain chemistry and neural pathways are slightly changing as I'm getting more comfortable doing this. But I haven't reached the stage where I can go 'execution mode' and seize every opportunity I see. I'm still pussying out in most occasions.

I also opened up with a girl who was eating something at the counter of a coffee shop/cafe. I asked her "Excuse me, is that good macaroni?". Although it didn't look like she was disturbed by my question, I didn't bother chatting her up because it looked like there was some sort of dynamic between her and the guy behind the bar. That guy later told me she is the girlfriend of another bartender there. But at least I opened up, albeit not a conversation of any substance.

Total: 75/100

Hey man, don't feel bad because you didn't venture yourself into an opportunity. Regret is a wasted emotion. Your value isn't depended on the fact that you took an opportunity to talk to a girl. If that was the case, then I'm a big loser. Besides, it didn't look like you were that attracted to the particular women in the first place.

That being said, what matters is the present.

It looks like there is a calling to embark this journey. There is a seed in you head and you're thinking: "Well maybe, I have to give this day game stuff a shot.". You've refused to take up the call a few times. There are some psychological buffers: approach anxiety, "it's sleazy", "I'm not cut from that cloth, I better not get involved".

But the call doesn't stop.

You're like Frodo who is a bit reluctant to go to Mordor and face all the adversity of the journey. Why leave The Shire with all its comforts? But like Frodo you're starting to realize that The Shire (porn, online dating, etc.) isn't the real world and that it's time to leave that place... Now you have to cross the threshold with the fellowship.

 

Okay.

I'd argue that it's better to aim for chicks that are alone: if you go for the number of the girl you fancy of a group she will probably be a bit reluctant to give you her digits even when she does like you because she doesn't want to be judged by her friends by giving her number to a stranger. Besides, you aren't aware of the group dynamics between the girls. I wouldn't advice putting all your eggs in that basket.

That being said, I don't see why a man should refrain himself talking with groups of girls, albeit just for the sake of experience and overcoming the fear of approaching (let's forget about the numbers for a second but let's focus on the process instead). Sometimes I even feel that the girls open up a bit more when they are with their friends because they are already in a social mood.

So concerning the opening... To be honest, I don't really examine if they are in a conversation or not, because most of the time they are. I will keep the openers eldery and innocent (e.g. how I opened up with the 2 girls at the ATM). Just throw yourself in their world by projecting that you're just a guy who is inquiring for information. Don't see it as something static where you're going to read a script that will determine a certain outcome. Every situation is dynamic. Embrace the awkwardness (inevitable). You will feel more real afterwards. Be antifragile.

Again, opening doesn't have to be direct, nor does it have to be indirect. I see some value in getting comfortable having little chats with girls during the day before even thinking about intimacy. But maybe that's because I'm made of a different cloth than these hyperconfident guys with male model aesthetics. Like I said in the beginning of this thread, talking to girls was terra incognita for a very long time for me. So it's logical that I'm first trying to get comfortable in their presence before even thinking about flirting.

 

I opened up with 1 girl

It was in the wellness center. I came out of the sauna and went to the rest/zen room to drink some water. There was a cute bird in the room taking pictures of herself in the mirror (a sight that always makes me emit a sigh). I stood next to her and filled up a glass with the water pitch.

I thought: "Come one SC, think of an opener." This was too good of an opportunity to throw away although I expected a bit of a bitchy behavior. I thought of something so I uttered some words, something like "Excuse me, do you know if there are any other wellness centers in this town or is this your favorite one?"

She opened up easily and looked elated that a man dared to ask her a question. She proposed to sit down to have a chat because she had time as she was waiting for her friend. The conversation took a personal path (she asked me what I do for work, discussing other cities of the country, etc.). The chat didn't last longer than a few minutes as it was time for her massage session. She said "Maybe I see you later."

I did a few more sauna sessions as intended but I didn't bother staying longer just so I could see her after her massage was done.

I tried another opener in the supermarket at the checkout with 2 girls who were before me (I was a bit in a social mood because I had some banter with a male employee of the grocery store). After the girls paid I asked "Excuse me, are those good eggs?" (one of the items they bought) but they ignored me/didn't hear me/thought I was talking to the cashier. If you take life too serious, you would qualify that situation as 'awkward'. But I was glad that at least I said the words and did something beyond the comfort zone. I'm not going to count this under the 100 though.

Total: 76/100

 

Because it is Valentine's Day, I went out wearing my red suit and red shoes carrying a box of chocolate in one hand and a rose in the other whilst stopping girls at the main square to ask them if they want to be my Valentine.

Just joking. I didn't really do any remarkable approach today. I did open up with a girl in the supermarket in the evening. It was in the milk section, acting like I didn't know anything about milk. I didn't really fancy the girl after all so I didn't really try to make something out of it. I guess I will count it... Opening up is the hardest part of this challenge anyways. Besides, I did some approaches during this challenge which I didn't count under the 100, so I'm not going to be too hard on myself this time.

There were some good opportunities on the street (e.g. while I'm walking I see a girl walking my direction so we will cross each other, I make eye contact and she puts the mask on the chin). With some I thought "Well, maybe I will have to approach this bird." but then that invisible wall drops - I freeze... A lot of guys with considerable NoFap streaks talk about the 'sexual magnetism', i.e. female attraction they experience. I think I'm experiencing that also. I have been actualizing my masculinity for the past years and I'm taking it more serious since the last months (NoFap, NoAlcohol, avoiding sugar, etc. - my testosterone is more optimal as a result) so I guess I am projecting a more masculine vibe that tends to attract female attention. Note that I'm a Germanic/Nordic man who is currently in a Balkan country, so maybe the 'novelty' of my looks can draw their attention. But I have also experienced this in my home country. This wasn't always the case though.

Total: 77/100

I didn't stay longer after I finished my sauna sessions and I didn't see her around again (I'm not going to desperately wait - although one could argue that this is a missed opportunity). I thought she said during that conversation that she will also get a facial massage besides the body massage, so she was probably absent for a bit.

 

Yes, immediate action is the only antidote against the anxiety. The more you will contemplate and think about doing the approach, the more dreadful it is because your brain will come up with reasons not to do it. If you wait too long, the negative stimuli of reality will become more apparent, thus leading to inaction...

When you see an opportunity, it's better to just decide to act and go up and open instead of overthinking which will have a paralyzing effect.

 

A pleasure to read.

Don't hesitate to share your experiences or ark questions if you're struggling. I'm always interested in what other guys have to stay who become/are an active participant in this field.

If more guys start embarking this journey and come here to share their own mental notes, it will only add value to the thread in my opinion.

Understand that this is hard and not for the fainthearted, but it is something that you can learn from. Although 'chasing skirt' may not the most glamorous of all activities, getting better with women is a path that some men have to take at some point in their lives. It is often said that PUA/Game is self-improvement under disguise. By the way, I'm not a Casanova or Don Juan who wants to create this illusion that 'I have figured it out'. I'm only talking from the perspective to the extent to what I have learned so far.

 

Knowing the path and walking it are different things. You took the first step to do the latter - bravo!

You did it. It didn't look imaginable for the past months but you managed to overcome the fear. You will probably have thought "Well, that wasn't that bad." after the approach was done. This post will serve as a mark of something special. You did something that most men will never be able to do and this just by relying on yourself. Be proud of that. Looks like the conversation went allright and flew casually - although brief (which is normal). If you start doing this on a regular basis and reach the threshold of a few dozens approaches, you will feel more comfortable doing this.

Audience anxiety is something I still struggle with too. But don't be hard on yourself - putting too much pressure on yourself doesn't serve you. That hill will be fought when the time is due.

Yes. Et alors?

An attempt at humor, I suppose? Look, I don't have anything against expressing intentions to the woman but leaning into her and touching her right away? I don't know where you live but most Western jurisdictions qualify such behaviors as harassment.

Don't you have any contextual understanding? The approach was on the street during the day, not in a packed night club where people are dancing animalistically on the cadence of some primal beats whilst being collectively under drugs.

So just because the initial interaction between a man and a woman didn't involve a sexual dimension, the man's fate will be inevitably found in the friend zone. Gotcha.