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Anxious to tell partner about all this

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Deleted Account, Feb 14, 2021.

  1. Right,
    So I've been chatting to a really lovely girl and we've been connecting so well recently. Today we had our first kiss and also got chatting about some stuff about each others pasts to get to know each other more. I found out about some of her past sexual experiences and one was that she said an ex of her's had ED and she said it was one of the worst sexual experiences she's had and it was awkward etc. It's really made me not want to ruin anything and tell her about Nofap and PIED. I don't want to ruin things, yet I don't want to have to lie or anything like that. I'm in a dilemma, like I've not told anyone about this at all and would find it very hard as it is, but now she mentioned that, I really am anxious haha.
    Any advice, suggestions, stories?
    Thanks
     
  2. Sleeperhead

    Sleeperhead Fapstronaut

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    I do not advise telling her. Women are not capable of understanding porn addiction and nofap. If you tell her then she is going to lose respect for you and move on. Women have a tendency to blame themselves if a guy has ED, so it’s up to you my man.
     
    SaiyanWarrior and Caliami14 like this.
  3. ToMMy.H

    ToMMy.H Fapstronaut

    Same here. I wouldnt tell her.
    Just dont stress about it, let it flow. She is not the last living soul on the planet so just lets see what happens.
    Its too early anyway to be talking about this kind of stuff imo.
    If its supposed to work, its going to work no matter how you decide.
     
    SaiyanWarrior and Caliami14 like this.
  4. Yeah that's the thing. I feel like even if I did tell her then she wouldn't understand that well and therefore I wouldn't be achieving anything even if I did. I guess for the time being, I've just got to keep things slow until I get further on in my reboot.
     
  5. Yeah it has definitely been on my mind which has been annoying! Yeah I agree with it being to early however I was just thinking about it for the future. I have a tenancy to ovethink at times haha!
     
  6. dandausa

    dandausa Fapstronaut

    Tell her eventually and especially do it before she thinks you don't struggle with porn but is still starting to give her heart to you, lying by omission is just as bad. If she's the right kind of woman she'll support you through it and encourage you in the fight. Otherwise, why would you want to live with a woman who you can't be completely honest with who doesn't care about you being a struggler of porn? It'll just get harder and harder to be honest. Remember intimacy isn't just sex, rather healthy intimacy is a powerful combination of these virtues: acceptance, closeness, affection, privacy, and openness. And from that comes healthy intimacy which is demonstrated mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, and physically. The problem is most of us on here are sex/porn addicts and so the only intimacy we know is genitals stimulated = intimacy. And it's not just us, it's most of our cultures.

    One more thought: How can we ever feel like we're truly accepted if we're hiding our garbage? There will always be a question in our minds, would she accept me if she really knew who I was?
     
    Last edited: Feb 15, 2021
    Caliami14 likes this.
  7. Thanks Dandausa! yeah I do feel like I shouldn't hide it forever from her, especially if things do progress a lot more. I think I need to tell her when we're having a deep conversation about things like this in the future which may be easier to put into conversation to be honest. I feel like if I can tell her that and she supports it and is respectful of it then it just shows that she see's me more than just sex etc. and I do think it'd help for sure. However uncomfortable it will be to tell her, I don't want to have these secrets from someone that i ultimately should trust.
     
    dandausa likes this.
  8. Rev2.0

    Rev2.0 Fapstronaut

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    Pretty weak of her to bring up her ex's ED. Women can be evil that way especially if the breakup was bad. On the other hand, what great motivation to not be the guy a girl talks like that about when she's done with you!
     
    Caliami14 likes this.
  9. i have a very conflicted opinion on this, like you i'd want to tell her but then its shame and will she judge you. Maybe its good if you tell her cos if she doesnt accept you as you are then why bother? Or perhaps you are able to hide it and for it to never come up but lets be honest mate your an addict so you will have this problem forever. Despite me agreeing with the guys here saying dont tell her i think you desreve someone to love and accept you for real so tell her and she runs off hold ur head up high sir
     
    Ratatosk and Caliami14 like this.
  10. DaleEarnhartJr

    DaleEarnhartJr Fapstronaut

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    You don’t need to tell her on your first date or when you’re just getting to know each other, but if you decide to get serious with her, you need to tell her.

    Omission of the truth is still lying. If you get ED with her and you don’t tell her the reason why it happens, you’re lying. Relationships are built on honesty and they are destroyed on lack of honesty.

    if she’s someone that “doesn’t get it”, then she isn’t worth it. And believe me, keeping a secret like that is a fucking boulder on your shoulders that you don’t know you have until it comes out.

    That another thing... the truth ALWAYS comes out. Wether it’s 2 weeks, 2 months, 2years, or 2 decades, it always comes out. It’s best for both you that it doesn’t take two years.
     
    Caliami14 likes this.
  11. Yeah that's kinda what I'm thinking as well to be honest, some of the people on here have suggested to tell her just like you have with the lady you mentioned. If she doesn't accept it or is disrespectful then if anything, it just shows what type of person she is really. I hope everything goes well between you and the lady!
     
    Roady likes this.
  12. Totally agree with you here. I think that it's something that I'm not going to be able to hide forever so it'd be better to tell her when things get more serious. If she doesn't accept it then that's her problem really. Everyone has their own struggles in life and if you can't support and help each other with them, then what's the point.
     
    Neonitrosonic and Roady like this.
  13. Yeah 100% I agree. I'd definitely only tell her if things got really serious to be honest as if I told her early on then it'd just complicate things really. like you said, I believe that it's just best to be honest with her and it'll show that I trust her with these types of things. She'll be the first person I've told about all of this so I guess obviously it's going to be a bit daunting but I can imagine it'll also be a massive relief! Yeah, especially with this being a huge part of my life at the moment, it'll definitely come out at some point so it's better to say it before it comes out for sure!
     
    Ratatosk and Roady like this.

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