Please help me! PIED? Lack of Physical Attraction?

Hi everyone,


Please could you help me as I am seriously so confused about my life right now and it's my first post on any forum.

To give you some background, I am 28, a virgin and have been watching porn since I was around 10. However, I never really MO’d till I was 17. So at first I used to watch porn just to get hard and enjoy watching it, but never really masturbated till I was 17. (Strange I know). I was a late bloomer when I had my first orgasm since I was 17 and since then, I have been PMO everyday since then (once a day mainly).

Now here is my problem. I have been dating a girl for a year and half now. She is the most amazing girl I could have ever dreamt of, in the sense that she really is my soulmate. I love her very much and she loves me just as much (if not more) and would love to get married to her this year. However, there is one thing that is stopping me and that’s the fact that she never really gets me hard. For the first few months we dated, we didn’t really get too physical it was just getting to know each other and getting comfortable. Then after 3 months we kissed. She is a great kisser and I enjoyed it a lot, however I never really got hard or felt anything. At the time, I didn’t really think anything of it. However, after a few months we started getting a bit more physical i.e. touching each sexually etc and still nothing! My dick felt dead, but I continued because I still enjoyed it and could see she was too.

After doing some research, I came to the conclusion that I have PIED as I felt I was ticking the main symptoms. I guess I had watched porn all my life and conditioned my brain to it, and now I can’t get hard with a real woman. So I’ve been doing nofap since the very start of the year, and I’ve been exercising, eating healthy, taking vitamins etc. So it’s been like 46 days and now when I kiss her, I do get hard (which is most definitely an improvement) but the minute I stop kissing her my dick goes down almost instantly. I still don’t get hard when touching her and now I’m contemplating whether or not I’m physically attracted to her. I really don’t know what to do and am literally in tears writing this.

I haven’t woken up with proper morning wood in like 2 years (sometimes I wake up with like 50% erection), sex drive varies but it’s mainly low. Only occasionally, I would actually feel horny. But I don’t know if it’s the lack of physical attraction or if it’s PIED or both? She’s the only girl I’ve ever been with and the reason why I went for her in the first place was because I thought she was beautiful. She is a very pretty girl and has the perfect characteristics I am looking for in a woman. She is abit chubby i.e Size 14, but I didn’t really think too much about what the girls body is like, as long as she wasn’t too skinny or morbidly obese, I thought it would be fine. The fact that when kissing her I can get hard gives me some hope there is physical attraction, but it’s just whenever I do anything else i.e. touch her sexually, nothing happens! At this point, it’s literally just the kisses that get me hard and porn/masturbation of course, but I am not going back to that to ‘test’ it, because I know it works and don’t want to ruin my progress.

I really want to marry this girl, and can’t have sex before marriage for religious purposes. I don’t believe I am addicted to porn, because when I decided to quit, I quit instantly and did not look back once. Can lack of physical attraction cause this? Because last thing I want to do is break it off, and date another girl who is slimmer only to have the same things happen with me again. I want to be sure it is only PIED. If I’m not physically attracted to her, why do I get hard when kissing her? Should I just marry this girl, in hope that my dick would get hard enough for sex if she gives me a blowjob, or in the hope that the my sexual stimulation of touching my girlfriends body would grow over time, the longer I do nofap?

PLEASE help me!  I really am so so so confused and worried.