40 DAYS

So I started with NoFap in 2016 and had a 13 month run of no PMO. Best that I've ever felt in my life. Clear, confident and persevering.

After 402 days I had a little too much wine at a dinner and relapsed. Since then I have had some success of 1 or 2 months, but nothing sustainable.

For the first time I have a weekly support group that is carrying me through. They know me and my struggle, and I keep accountability with them. I check in with one of the group daily.

So I hit 40 days today.

I'm knocking out alcohol for now. It's not worth the risk. Alcohol leads me to feel entitled to a PMO reward. I struggle most with rewarding myself.

Also doing cold showers. 40 days straight. In winter!

 

Very true. Community and accountability are important.

 

I shot myself in the foot alright.

My vulnerable times are when I have accomplished something great and combined that with 3-4 drinks. I basically "reward" myself with a relapse.

 

It was an impulsive decision. Once my mind clicked over I didn't want help.

I learned that as soon as I get a sense of vulnerability that I need to reach out.

 

I didn't reach out because I thought I could handle it. I thought that the principles that I knew would carry me through.
But as I said in my first post, I was missing community. Immediate community around me. With NoFap, it was easy for me to simply drift away and not check in.
But I now meet with 2 other guys on a weekly basis. I'm checking in with one of them daily. I'm being honest with myself about what leads me to relapse.

 

Day by day recovery.

 

Day 51

Overall doing well.
As my brain heals I have noticed that I am far more aware of women who go out into the world with less modesty in clothing. When steeped in PMO, these triggers would not get me, but I find that I am more triggered now.

What to do?

I have been practicing a "custody of the eyes", essentially leading my eyes away from the trigger. A part of me wants to say, "coming, it's not big deal..." but I know that it is a big deal. It can lead me towards relapse.

I

 

Not bad.

I'm exercising daily, taking a cold shower daily and eating very clean- little sugar and no alcohol.

All of this helps with recovery.