Spent the weekend with my ex

Hello everyone,

I spent the weekend with my ex girl at the beach, I was with her all weekend. It felt good to be with her, but there were problems obviously.

I love this girl, we never had any arguments, and if there was a disagreement we would talk it through and be better afterwards. I started the relationship with her with PIED and my problem with porn, so when we first tried to have sex it was bumpy and did not work. She stuck with it though, I started to get comfortable with her and things changed. I am still working on myself and not where I want to be in terms of porn use, but a hell of a lot better than when we were together.

I have a tendency to over think about things that people say or do, and something she said to me didn't sit right. She told me that she was seeing other guys casually and hooking up and stuff. That's fine, we are not dating so why wouldn't she do that? No worries. At first. Then we went back to her house and the thoughts started kicking me in the head. And to no surprise at all, when we tried to have sex I could not get hard. I went down on her and it was great, but when she went down on me that's when I started overthinking.

We stopped and went on with our day and went to the beach again the next day. Spent the day together, then we drove back to my car so I could leave. I live about an hour away from her. She said something else that got me, pretty much that the reason she doesn't want to be with me is because I overthink. Or that I don't love myself sometimes.

The thing is, I don't think I really am that bad in terms of overthinking anymore. Not like before. Sex is something I need to get over and stop worrying about and I can. I have done it in the past. She seems like she wants to be with me, I can tell she still feels the same. But she is holding back. She is in grad school so I get she is busy. She has her own social life and again we are not together so she can do whatever she wants.

I don't know, she said she wants to see me again. I guess I'll just have to go with the flow. Part of me wants to say screw this, she doesn't want to love me for all of me including my flaws. I am working on me practicing staying present, it does not happen overnight. Especially not after being told that other men are touching you.

A big part of me still loves her, and does not want to let go. I can't feel for anyone else right now.

Feel free to leave your comments, this is mostly just a way for me to get my thoughts out.

 

Ya honestly, I don't want to stop talking to her. She may not talk to me for a while, a week, maybe 2. But I know she still feels for me, and I feel for her.

Ya this PMO shit has got to go. Last night was a pretty good eye opener. I'm going to get this under control I got no other choice.

Thanks for reading.

 

hahah I laughed at your last quote. It really is that simple....

Thanks brother