Lost Cause

Hang in there man! Don't give up on yourself. I'm quite a bit older than you, but when I was your age I was a complete mess. What I've learned through nofap is how good it feels to not masturbate (socially in particular). Now I feel strong and confidant in public, where before I very often felt anxious. Don't try to do it make major strides all at once. Take baby steps. What I did was avoid the porn (which really does f guys up) and instead I would watch lingerie videos, etc on youtube, very R rated but NOT porn. I would rub my nipples and give myself pleasure that way, but not touch my cock. These alternatives might help you. Also, after 49 days I did relapse (pmo), but my record this year is 49-2. You don't start back at zero. If at the end of this year I can keep my losses under 10, how cool is that?
Stay strong, and keep in mind WOMEN don't really like boys who jerk off, they appreciate MEN who don't need to.

 

Well, the way I see it is it could be a transition for you. It could be a temporary substitute for porn. All I'm saying is it worked for me. Porn is cocaine, r rated vids are more like alcohol.

 

Alcohol can be addictive too!

I agree with the baby-steps idea too, but more in the line of set a goal of a couple of days, then make it a couple longer, until it's a week - month -- maybe more. But don't get to hard on yourself if you lapse and start again. Trying to bite off too much and go cold turkey is a recipe for failure. Small goals, success, leads to confidence.

 

Ya man I've been there, you have to want to change in order to actually overcome the addiction. If you don't want to, then you're not going to.

 

There is a phenomenon in psychology called a "secondary gain". So, let's say someone has a self-esteem issue, and thinks of themselves as "a loser". I mean, you'd think there'd be no gain in that since all it would do is make you feel bad, right? But, there is a sneaky secondary gain to be had - namely, if you think you're a loser, then you don't have to take the risk of going out to meet anybody, you can just skip the whole effort and stay home and play videogames instead.

My point is, that you may have an actual incentive to think of yourself as a "lost cause". I mean if that was the case, then why not just immerse yourself in porn 24-hrs. a day? In order to not be a lost cause then, you have to be willing to give up that porn, which takes effort and self-discipline and contains the possibility that you might fail. It's a challenge, and it requires you to give up that secondary gain, but the rewards in terms of the your future can be immeasurable and make all the struggle worth it.

 

The turning point for me was last December when I started NoFap and things were going good. For me there was always a distinction between home and public. When I'm at home those feelings don't tend to reveal themselves. Socially however, I can always gauge my level of anxiety. When I was younger my formula had always been: social anxiety + alcohol = coping pretty well. Of course that came with a side of drunk behavior, embarrassment and DUI. Anyway, over the years I have gotten much better and don't need alcohol to be social anymore. I do very well in public. I saw first hand the connection between porn and SA when after a couple weeks of abstinence I pmo'd. The next day I went grocery shopping (which I love doing) and I was incredibly anxious. I finally realized it WAS the porn causing it. For me it's #1- stay away from porn, and #2 - semen retention. If I do those 2 things I feel strong and confident. A better man. One of the 10% or so who are self-disciplined, as opposed to the 90% of BOYS who need to jerk themselves for comfort. Troubled Guy - hang in there and take it one day at a time. Can you go 1 day without jerking? If so, then that's a WIN. Build on that and you too can be a better man.

 

I know exactly what you are feeling, I felt that all day today and yesterday. (tomorrow will be 15 days clean of PMO the longest streak I've had in years)

However, Chiyu brings up a very good point (and thank you I needed this reminder myself) everything he said is so true.

There's two books I would recommend to you Troubled Guy and to everyone on here really.

No More Mister Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover
and
Breaking the Cycle by George Collins

 

Don’t go there. Just my opinion. I’m a porn addict with a 25 year record of failure, so maybe not the best for advice. But you could say I’m an expert in one thing: yes, failure.

An alcoholic isn’t in recovery just because they’re drinking light beer instead of aftershave. For me, an addict, supposedly innocent stuff like drawings or lingerie ads are just porn light, a step away from serious relapse.

As far as your overall question, seeking sobriety is not a lost cause. You can do it. What’s a lost cause is lying to yourself that some day you’ll quit, while you surf porn (or p-subs) all day.

You know what to do. Unlike some others, you’ve set your day counter so you’re in the game, keeping score.

Best wishes.

 

Kinda felt like that since my first 14 day streak went down the drain, It was really hard to go back to +10 days of Nofap, but I feel that once I beat my previous streak I'll reach a new peak.

 

One day at a time bro

 

its the inner addict taking over, it tries to justify porn, i struggle with that often. Never accept those thoughts, we cannot control our thoughts (at least i cant), but we can control our actions.

 

great job mate, just remember there are tons of people on your same side in the battle, we are in a constant war against our urges. I am on day 4 and this time i am motivated to go 90 days.

 

Congrats, Troubled guy! I believe you're probably strong enough to stop addictive behaviors and give up some pleasure. Take it one day at a time. REAL men don't seek pleasure!