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How did you guys meet your girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by The Archangel, Feb 27, 2021.

  1. The Archangel

    The Archangel Fapstronaut

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    im almost 18 and single at the moment and ive never had a girlfriend. im doing online school right now and all the girls I liked/liked me from highschool have moved far away and one girl who liked me blocked me after an argument. one girl from work liked me too but I didn't make any real moves so I lost her too. Atm, I try to find girls to approach at the mall but they all seem to be so unapproachable because theyre always rushing to places or with friends/boyfriends. Where did you guys meet your girlfriends and how did you approach them? I should also note that I'm the worst with girls - or people in general rather. There have been some girls who literally threw themselves at me and I still couldn't get them lmao.
     
    Johnthesavage and Alves like this.
  2. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    Last two in my life were through online. I don't want to go that route anymore.
     
  3. PeterBE

    PeterBE Fapstronaut

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    I've met a few girls on the streets or in clubs when they were still open
     
  4. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Girlfriends
    1st- was a friend of a group of woman we used to hang with my friends. Started dating her after a couple of nigth out as a group.
    2nd- Travelling in my country, i was in a hostel having fun with friends. She was also there with her friends.
    3rd- Talked to her in a nigth club
    4th- Dating app (the best one if I have to choose)

    As a bonus I also had 3 more serious relationships that didn't end up as girlfriends...
    1st- Met her at a class in univercity
    2nd- Dating app but we knew each other 10 years earlier, was part of a group of woman that we hanged out with my friends. She had a boyfriend back then so I never took her in consideration.
    3rd- Current one, we met online.

    All of the other woman.. in my 20's I knew the most of them in nigth clubs and in online apps in my 30's.
     
  5. RiverBlue

    RiverBlue Fapstronaut

    Most of my girlfriend's I met through friends. It's a good way to get to know someone with less pressure. I think I'm like you. It's difficult for me to make that first move . I've had women I knew were interested in me, but I couldn't make a move. Lost opportunity. In a group though, there's more time to get the confidence she likes you before putting yourself out there too vulnerably.

    I know the above isn't probably helping right now, cause COVID limits all that. More currently relevant, I've also met girls through online connections. It's easier to make a first move online -- or at least respond to a girl -- online. And I met some really nice women and had long-term relationships. Also, some fun short-term stuff.

    Lastly, I met my wife by being set up by a friend of my mother. Never would have expected that! LOL
     
    Johnthesavage likes this.
  6. OhWhenThe

    OhWhenThe Fapstronaut

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    Whenever someone says they've met/been talking to a girl I basically take that to mean they met through an app or social media. Pretty sad but this is how the world is now .. not great for recovering porn addicts though lol.
     
    ELITE2BE likes this.
  7. Work, school. Just being places.
     
  8. I have done that one too many times.. In recent years I would work up the courage to start talking to a girl I found attractive, try to meet up with her but then get shut down and ignored. If I am lucky she will meet with me one time but then she will basically ghost me when I try to meet up again.

    To answer the question I had a girlfriend a long time ago, I met her at my public school and I just remember telling her that I liked her and she agreed to be my girlfriend. It was so easy that day.
     
  9. ElSabio

    ElSabio Fapstronaut

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    This may be a more general answer than you are looking for but I'll post it anyway. Dating apps work ok but I don't care for them. I know many people who have found their partners on apps but IMHO it's best to know how to meet women the old fashioned way before you start using them. There is way more to attraction than what someone can fit in a profile and it takes some experience to navigate this internet dating mess. If I was a young guy here is what I would do. Start engaging in activities where it is possible to meet girls. Class, meetups, sports and socializing with friends. Next learn to recognize when girls are attracted to someone. There are good YouTube videos about exactly this. Most are pretty shallow but there is some good stuff too. If you see Chad somewhere doing well with girls don't pay attention to him or what he does pay attention to how the girls act around him and how they flirt or try to get his attention. If you have a female friend who you know likes someone watch carefully how she acts around him. Once you learn to recognize when a girl is interested in you you'll be much more confident. Only pursue a girl who shows signs of interest in you. If they are not interested to begin with you are wasting time. You can't make a woman attracted to you you can only increase existing attraction. This simplifies the process and makes it a lot easier to be yourself because instead of putting on a show for girls you are calmly observing and watching for who responds to the real you. I hope this helps. It's based on my own journey.
     
  10. ElSabio

    ElSabio Fapstronaut

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    As an answer to your actual question I met my last two girlfriends through work and my ex wife and I met through mutual friends.
     
    brassknucks likes this.
  11. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

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    Man I had sooo many oppertunities in my life to get a good girlfriend, but I wasted them all. Either I was too scared to ask them out, even though I knew she was into me, or I didn't make any advances/effort to make something out of those oppertunities. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not just an entitled piece of sh*t because I had so many oppertunities. In theory I'm still a virgin, even, at age 36. Of course I had my own insecurities and those also heavily prevented me from dating more.

    I'm under the impression, and you may already have realised this but to me it's a 'recent' discovery that P make you even pickier. You see the most beautiful if not 'perfect' women, choose any one of your liking, and J off. After that, motivation to get a real actual GF is gone and hence you stay in the endless loop of singleness. Now, most women around my age have settled, have kids, and most that are available are scraps. Sorry to say it like this. I'm not disappointed, man I'm frustrated. Seeing your life years and oppertunities reduced even further in this pandemic makes it's worse.

    Don't get me wrong, I somehow consider myself scrap too. Limited social confidence, no career, little money, most I got is experience in different areas. Time is literally running out at my age. The women around you that are still single are hastily, also looking for that 'perfect' guy which makes it even harder. Not to mention where I live a high standard of living is almost 'required' to be able to date them. And I get it; around my age you think about wanting a family, and especially for women there's the biological clock to bear healthy babies.

    That's what makes me nervous, due to circumstances in my life I've had a literal 10 year delay in my life progression. Now, time's running out and I will have to put in double the effort of most men around my age.

    I'm sorry if I went off topic.
     
    Roady likes this.
  12. ElSabio

    ElSabio Fapstronaut

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    It's rough with the pandemic restrictions man. It's so frustrating to not be allowed to socialize like a human being. In response to your "time is running out" comment I couldn't disagree more. I'll be 50 next month and I've been divorced for ten years. There are way more opportunities for me than when I was younger. I'm casually (I'm doing hard mode) dating 3 women now and they are all in their early to mid 30's. Just keep improving yourself. Don't waste your money on stuff like gaming, fast food or other bullshit. Have you been to every museum in your area? Why the hell not? (I know pandemic but you get my point) Can you recognize the difference between brutalist architecture and beaux-arts? Can you recite a single poem from memory? Can you pick a lock? Make a list of things you want to learn and start learning. They can be anything. I recently caused a lust reaction in a woman because I know a lot about growing orchids. Of all the things guys say are attractive to women have you ever seen "orchid culture" on the list? Me either. I know it's hard not to be black-pilled my friend. I can go on endlessly talking about how shitty stuff is but I can't control that stuff. I can only control myself and my surroundings.
     
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  13. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

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    @ElSabio Hey, thanks for your reply. Before the lockdown I knew I had to do the things you suggested, but I was too afraid to actually go out and do anything. One of my biggest fears is that women can see my poor self confidence. When I take a walk outside and someone is walking in my direction, especially when it's a woman, I already feel the literal tears in my. It's like she's rejected me before something even happened.

    But the truth is, I am rejecting myself. I'm not entirely sure what's going on yet. I've had 10+ years of all kinds of therapy and I still feel like I'm stuck at point A. Why do I insist to focus on the negative? It might be because of the fear of rejection. Yeah I've experienced some nasty stuff. I think I am just worried that I will be rejected again. It's like everyone must like me, because I am 'unable' to take care of myself? Do I really 'need' everyone? Maybe I need to be less lazy. Although in my head, it feels like I'm working 7 days a week. My thinking brain's too active due to the fact that I have difficulties expressing and talking about my feelings. I don't want to ever get involved in a fight, or escalation there of ever again.

    Anyway, so I have not gone out much, even before the lockdown, mostly because I felt like I didn't have a good 'reason' to do the kind of stuff you suggested. I wasn't interested in much, so if I were to say, go to a cooking class, I know I'd only go there to meet women and that just doesn't feel genuine to me. It's like I'm only there to 'score'. They would know it, and I would know it, and it'd be very awkward. I'm not sure what to do and how to get over that. My main interests lie with graphics/creativity/computer stuff. And that kinda glues you to home.

    I did have some good periods of time though, but recently, since a good friend of mine distanced himself from me, I guess, I felt rejected again. I didn't even dare ask why he distanced himself, although I did feel I wasn't really the reason.

    So yeah, every day's a struggle, but your words are inspiring, I felt 'old' when I was 26, now ten years later I also feel 'old' but I suppose it's not that old at all.

    P.S. You mentioned you have way more oppertunities than years ago. Is that because of wealth? Confidence? A new sense of freedom? All of them? I was just curious.
     
  14. ElSabio

    ElSabio Fapstronaut

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    Hey, good post thank you. In answer to your last question I think the more opportunities come from a variety of things. A major one is simply that I am 50 and it gives me like a 25 year age range. 30-55 is a big range and many women in that range are divorced and we immediately have that pain and trauma in common. Another thing is that at some point I realized that if I look foolish in front of a woman it really has no effect on anything except in that moment. When I walk down the street I pass dozens and dozens of women who are not even slightly attracted to me, have no interest in me and never will. So what's one more added to those? You said you have a bunch of therapy? There is a guy named Albert Ellis who invented cognitive behavioral therapy and his books are probably the most helpful I have read. They were truly life changing for me. Another is Feeling Good by David Burns. It's written for people with depression but has techniques which are helpful for everything to do with negative emotions. I can't praise these books enough.
    Something that you should try to internalize is that meeting attractive women is terrifying. It just is. It's not a fault you have it is an understandable response to the fact women have control of whether or not our genes survive and that has been the case forever. It's a deeply rooted fear and I don't think it's something that you can "just get over". It's one of the scariest things a man can possibly do. Having no fear isn't brave. It's foolish. Bravery is being scared to death and pressing on it the face of it. There is no shame in telling a woman that you are intimidated by her or are nervous around her. Pressing through fear is badass behavior.
    As far as cooking classes or whatever to meet women, I mean to go there to learn and improve skills not to meet women. You will meet them but that's not the point. The point is to develop interests and skills in many different things which makes you interesting. The more you learn about something the more interesting it becomes. Of you are learning something you really want to learn and end up stammering or feeling foolish when a girl talks to you just say "sorry I get really nervous around girls I can't help it" Think about it. It shows you are trying to improve yourself, it shows vulnerability and shows bravery. All qualities of a badass and all you had to do was tell the truth.
    Do things that aren't on a computer. If you're not interested in anything but that get interested. We already know where all the hot girls are on a computer. That's what brought us all to Nofap. Lots of things you do in video games are things you can actually learn to in real life.
    Get some books by Albert Ellis and that one by Burns. Ellis became one of the most important people in psychology because he was trying to overcome his crippling fear of women.
     
    Roady likes this.
  15. ElSabio

    ElSabio Fapstronaut

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    As an addendum to my last post: those books I mentioned, especially "Feeling Good" teach you how to analyze your negative emotions and as you go through it, reading and doing the exercises, you are learning emotional intelligence. This is great for your emotional life and as a bonus you also learn to recognize and categorize cognitive mistakes that other people are making. If you are talking to a woman and she says something shitty to you you can recognize that "oh she's "predicting the future"(impossible) and "mind reading" (also impossible) so the mistakes are hers not mine". I swear it's some of the most useful material I have ever engaged with.
     
  16. Loving Loveless

    Loving Loveless Fapstronaut

    They approached me. I guess I stood out from everyone.
    I'm single and clearly view all past relationships with women as comical, or just a presentation to fit in with everyone.
    So like you, never had a serious girlfriend. My lifestyle and decision making kind of limited me in that area as well.

    But almost all the women i speak to, friends, co workers, classmates, business partners... they approached me. I'm not any alpha beta male nonsense you hear others referring themselves and others to be. But I truly believe that if you stand out, you know, in class, you ace your assignments, many will approach you. What you like to do for entertainment, stuff like that.
     
    Marshall 5 and ElSabio like this.

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