P.A.W.S. - what are they, cure, duration

congratulations! btw the no-PMO war starts today

 

masturbated while on a 30 day streak cause I was with a girl the night before for like 4 hours hooking up, couldn't maintain an erection so didn't try pushing it further. Jerked off to a half limp penis, now im on a 96 day flat line, having masturbated for 96 days, haven't really had the urge to either. Its pretty crazy honestly, going from last year needing to masturbate or I feel like i was gonna die to have no urge for women or masturbation. The worst part of no sexual energy is the fact that you also have no energy to get anything else done. Mostly when it comes to your passion and your grind, its fucking depressing and its killing me man. I just want my motivation back, I remember waking up at 7 AM when I was 11 or 12 and fucking hustling, I start PMO'ing and everything goes to shit, now im almost 20 and im in good shape and look good, but my fucking dick doesent work. Not sure at one point I gotta realize I needa go to the doctor.

 

Get your hormones tested if you can mate, any bloodwork!

 

I haven't seen you here in a long time. I was wondering why your old account got deactivated.

 

Well, I have serious problems with co-ordination. I've never been this clumsy in my life. I think it is due to the fact that my spatial awareness is shot, and I'm physically much weaker than usual, so my muscles don't work in the way they used to - so I undershoot / overshoot when moving things, opening / closing things etc.

 

I'm pretty much in the same boat, only I haven't worked since 2019. It is a grind but hang in there.

Out of curiosity, what level of day to day activity can you manage, and what level of intensity are we talking about? I can maybe manage a 30 minute walk once a week at the moment, 20 minutes of stretching exercise each day, and a bit of basic housework. That's it! I am utterly f*cked if I do any more. There is some variation each day, but not much. I've been like this for 18 months+, but don't see myself as having started to heal until after my last binge, 165 days ago.

 

I can't even stay standing for long let alone working. It's like my adrenal glands are shot. Braing fog is so heavy. symptoms come in go by waves and they could last 6 months till they vanish totally.

 

What's the longest hardmode streak you have???

 

Did you get yours checked? If so what was recommended?
I went to see a doctor 1 year ago when symptoms were at their peak. Bloodwork was done and nothing major as problems.

 

Come to think of it, I do bump into door jambs once in a while. I also get a lot of sore joints and muscles, especially in the mornings but I tend to downplay those things as normal aging because I'm so much more focused on the cognitive problems. It sounds like your physical condition is more severe than mine. As long as these symptoms came on at the same time as your PAWS though, then I think it's safe to say that it's all related. Hang in there!

As far as fatigue goes, more and more I'm learning that my diet affects it more than any other factor.

 

Yes, low testosterone and also a deviated septum paired with allergies that makes it difficult to fall asleep or stay asleep as my right nostril is mostly congested. In short, a living hell.

 

The duality of this process really starts to kick in for me at this point. Until a few months ago this whole process was mostly hell. Since 2-3 months I have more and more good days or sometimes even a whole good week. I don’t want to complain but this contrast is really a burden. I know this sounds cheesy to you guys fighting in the trenches 24/7 and only seeing the dark. But at the moment it’s like I’m fighting one day at the front and the next day they sent me back home only to call me to the front the next day again. It’s like I can’t settle in either of those worlds and while it’s nice to be in a calm and relaxed state where I’m actually able to do things without any effort - it’s so frustrating to have the cognitive functions taken away the next day, being tired and fatigued again to the point of having to take a nap and waking up with a headache. I just could write my assignments for university 3-4 hours straight yesterday, direct my thoughts etc and today I was just watching videos on YouTube and feeling like a total waste.

But I am also trying to see the positive side of this: there is actually a state of a functioning cognition possible. It’s just the question how long this state is staying with me and I can only imagine what life must feel like if this cognition eventually stays and I can build up on it. Learning new things that I actually remember a week later, the positive things growing from week to week without the interruption of feeling like a zombie for a few days again. I’m really ready to build up something great when I’m out of this. There is this urge to go beyond average and I feel like there is something waiting for me once my full potential is reached.

I also made a very positive experience throughout the last weeks. I started to join weekly zoom meetings where my sister and a lot of other people are joining up to play minigames like among us or scribble because I felt the need to socialise more and more and I started to make new friends and the whole group is highly appreciating me. They actually set up a surprise zoom meeting for my birthday and they were all singing for me and it just felt so weird but in a good way for people thinking of me, smiling into the camera, singing with joy on their faces. I mean I had people singing on my birthday before but I was just so moved that people took out some time of their day to spent my birthday with me and surprise me. I lost a lot of friends in the last years and back in October November I felt the loneliest I ever felt. I couldn’t imagine a person feeling lonelier then me right now beside being on a small island all by yourself. I just vaguely remember that crippling feeling of loneliness but man I fought through it and I learnt a lot in those days. Become your best own best friend and people will join your side. Don’t make yourself dependent on others but cherish them when they around. I‘m also slowly developing a solid self worth which is pretty difficult when your overall skills are impaired on a day to day basis. But jeah, finding new friends is a really really positive experience and it’s just through a Computer. I would love to meet them all in real life.

Last thing I wanna mention is sleep. I can’t remember the last time I woke up prior to 6 hours sleeping. Most of the days I’m sleeping 7-9 hours straight without being awake a single second in between. Normally I started to wake up after 5-6 hours and then have a really light sleep. Nowadays I’m still dreaming a lot after 5-6 hours of sleep but then it’s actually only bizarre dreams and not like a continuation of my daily life which is getting exhausting after a few weeks.

Overall progress is made, but in a slow pace. Making new friends coming from this crippling loneliness where I isolated myself from the world, having better sleep and cognitive symptom free days, feel really really good. There is some sort of normal reality sneaking back in. It’s only very small at the moment and very unsteady but I can grasp it for time to time and once this will stay on a constant basis then I am one happy man.

 

How can anyone "like" this publication. This guy is screwed for life.

 

Thanks for the positive update! Hopefully it's all uphill for you from here! What month are you on again?

 

I am entering month 18 and finished 17 complete months.

 

Hi,

So what do other people think has been "wrong" with you over the last few years, with you becoming more isolated, exhausted and less mentally capable? Have you been open about having PMO problems, or had to pretend that it has been something else?

 

No he's not - it will just take a long time. The "likes" are for encouragement - this is the only place you'll get it.

 

Hi, my longest hardmode streak is my current one, 166 days. Before that it was 56 days hardmode, 84 days "softmode". Looking back I can see that I was pretty clueless about just how bad things were, and how bad they could get. A year ago they were bad, but I was still more physically and mentally capable than I am now. I had a string of 4 relapses over the summer, the last being in mid-september. It especially really felt strange, and wasn't enjoyable at all. I'm still recovering from the effects of that one PMO session, in terms of getting back to where I was the day before (ie mid-september, if that makes sense?).

TBH, February has been a rough month purely because my symptoms overall seem to be worse than they were in Dec/Jan. At the end of the day there's only really one option - hardmode for as long as it takes to recover. What scares me is that I may start to feel better, have a moment of weakness and throw away months, or years of progress in an afternoon. If I could have the neurons that keep this addiction alive ripped out of my head I'd be fairly confident that I'll recover.

 

At its worse, how bad was your fatigue, and how long did it take before you saw an improvement?

 

Sinto muito e peço desculpas por não entender isso, mas o que significa o PAWS? Minha língua é o português e ainda não entendo muito bem o inglês (uso o Google Translate para traduzir posts porque em português as informações sobre noFap são lixo)