any suggestions how to relieve my emotional tension

We've been accustomed to dealing with discomfort by finding refuge in porn. It has been our habit for years. So unlearning can take some time. Till we get accustomed to a crap free life, we have to learn to get comfortable with uncomfortable.

You never can really always run away from 'negative' feelings. No matter how hard you try to escape...be it through trekking, or workouts, or social service...uncomfortable feelings can always arise...

I'd say the most practical way is to allow yourself experience the discomfort, the depression, the panic attacks, your darkness...and chart out your tasks and your activities despite the pain.

In other words, allow the negativity to pass through you. Embrace it as part of your nature. And stay with it.

I've had experience where I used to have panic attacks and depression. I still have. In those moments, I allow the feelings to permeate me. I sit with it...and gently work on my tasks..whatever I can. I do not try to distract myself. I try to surf with my pain...and in a few matter of time, maybe days , maybe hours, the negativity vanishes...like clouds floating away to reveal the clear skies...

Hope you understand what I'm trying to convey! Good Luck!

 

Do you have any hobbies other than video games?
Like be... any artistic activities or cooking etc.

 

It is good to use electronics in "public" rooms. The rudimentary move you can do is to learn through youtube. There are thousands videos about programming, playing instrumets, psychology, workout... by that not only you abate the whims, renovate your thinking and behaviours but also you make a good future for yourself.

 

Do you work out? Lift weights, body weight workout, run....

 

Some people say, there are actually no negative emotions or bad emotions. And there are several reasons for this.
One is obvious: Life goes up and down. If there were'nt sometimes painful experiences, we wouln't enjoy the peaks anymore. If we try to suppress this pain, we worsen it only. So we just have to wait until life gets better again, and if we are this patient, life will be awesome!
Another reason is that emotions can be tapped. They can be used to experience joy. And that is because our suffering connects us. Everyone feels loneliness, sadness or boredom sometimes. So we feel with them if they experience this pain. That means that we start to like others because they are like us, wish for the end of their pain and we are happy, when they feel great. This mindset is joyful!

But what do I know? I reset and reset and reset for years now