Does this describe you?

TL;DRPLZ NOT THIS AGAIN @FellatiousD , TO MANY WORDS!!!! I JUST WANt 2 KNOW HOW STOP COOM??? PLZ???? ??

...Oke I tell, no sad.

• Admit problems. No lie and say "no problem."
• No urge random - every urge have "why".
• Admit you no want change, you only want cope more.
• THINK ABOUT SELF A LOT.
• Wen u know self, and know problem... then make map for fix. Like this. "How I fix?" Then draw how u will fix. "This how I fix." Get good at make map, and FOLLOW MAP.
• Gud job! U be ok!

____________________________


If you've finished the section above, congrats! You've made it to the optional reading! I wanted to quickly describe what I feel are the reasons for my addictive behavior, and to take a shot at explaining how the process works for my case. Hopefully this will allow some of you to understand your own situation better as well.

Addiction isn't like getting struck by lightning, as you probably know. It happens for reasons which I believe can usually be explained. We discover it accidentally, and it develops by providing us with an easy way to cope with some weakness. Then it acts like a parasite, giving us superficial comfort in exchange for our physical and mental health. The deal is that it takes some of the pain away, but takes away our self-control as well. If you saw my last thread (here), you might remember me saying that the lack of self-control is what makes living with addiction so painful. The other thing which makes it so difficult is the fact that our problems aren't actually going away. We are just hiding from them.

So how does our addiction keep us hooked, even if we know we're addicted?

1. It's a very good painkiller. Nothing is better at distracting us from our negative emotions without actually healing the thing that's triggering them.

2. Change is difficult. We stay addicted because we would rather continue to cope with our problems than change ourselves.

When we give into our urges over and over, our obsession (porn, for example) becomes more and more satisfying, and everything else becomes far less satisfying by comparison. Specifically, our negative emotions come back harder and stronger as soon as we stop engaging in this behavior. This reinforces the cycle and gives us more excuses to not change.

Need a meme break yet? OK, here's a meme:


Done with the meme break? Great, let's continue.


An example of the addiction process:
I have always had terrible anxiety - everything bothers me. Every positive thought is crowded out by 10 negative ones. This anxiety is what invited the addiction in the first place. As I grew up, I learned how to make my negative emotions go away very quickly. Playing vidya, surfing the internet, and eventually watching porn/jerking off. These became my go-to activities whenever I felt anxious, which was 100% of the time. My addictions took root because I didn't learn how to properly deal with my anxiety, or never got the help I needed. Since then, it's become almost a Pavlovian response - as soon as a negative thought enters my mind, it is immediately followed by an urge to either game, fap, or surf. This response is so fast that sometimes I don't even realize I'm trying to avoid a negative emotion. Sometimes it feels like I just want to play games in that moment, for no reason at all. But I believe there is always a reason.

And that's what makes us keep failing. If we "just want to play games" or "just want to jerk off," that's completely fine. No one should have to justify engaging in a harmless activity because that's just what they want to do in that particular moment. But "I just want to, for no reason" is a lie we tell ourselves. If we instead admit the true reason - that we're doing it in order to avoid a difficult reality - then it becomes a lot harder to justify. Then we have a reason to say "No, I shouldn't do that right now." Once you have a reason to say "No", you have a way to win.

Acknowledge your problems. Ask yourself: "What is the reality I'm hiding from?" Don't evade this question like I did for so long, thinking that I was only addicted because porn is fun. Porn is entertaining, but that's not why we're addicted. We can't let ourselves get fooled. We can't compare ourselves to normal people. What's harmless to normies is toxic to us. Everyone knows at this point that sharing a drink with an alcoholic is a no-go. We need to treat ourselves the same way. Yes, you will be fine if you jerk off once, but are you really just going to do it once?

Admit that you have problems, and every time you get an urge to jerk off or do whatever, remember why. And finally, admit that you don't want to change, and that you are just coping with a problem that won't go away until you deal with it directly. Finally, make a plan for how to deal with these problems. And if you are having a bad day with lots of urges, remind yourself to stick to the plan. Find a small thing you can do to relieve your stress.

That's it guys, thanks for reading.




Forever yours,
Chad P. Thundercock








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Glad we're on the same page. And maybe all of this stuff I wrote is obvious to a lot of people. But sometimes we forget, and we just need to remind ourselves: "hey, my problems will still be there when I get back from a 10-hour gaming session, or PMO session. I should instead address these problems the right way."

One thing I tend to do is PMO early in the morning. I will wake up at 7:00 feeling tired, dreading all of my tasks for the day, so I hit snooze. But when the alarm rings again, I'm still tired and now it's just 5 minutes later - nothing has changed. I keep doing this until eventually I have sexual thoughts, which make me feel nice and forget about the stuff I have to do that day. I don't want to get up, but I wouldn't mind some porn. So that's what I do, sometimes for an hour. Then when I finally get up around 8:30 or 9:00, I feel even worse than if I had just gotten up at 7:00. The anxiety comes rushing back: "Damn, I could have done so much in those two hours." "Now I don't have time to stretch." "I said I would start studying at 8:00 this morning, now it's 9:00".

That's the deal we make with ourselves. The negative thoughts go away right now, but they come back twice as strong.

 

That's why I like the phrase: "Knowing is half the battle." Once you are aware of what you're up against, then you can take specific steps to deal with it.