30 Days No PMO - Mixed Feelings

Deleted Account · Mar 3, 2021

Hi everyone,

So I am updating to mark another accomplishment. This is the second time I have reached the 30 day mark. The last time was towards the end of 2020.

I have to be honest. After the last streaks I've been on, staying the course has been a lot easier for me. Initially, I was very nervous about testing myself to see if I still could maintain an erection. Yes, I had/have the flatline.

But, to go with this - I'm not sure if I am experiencing PAWS or just flat out anxiety and depression.

I have been in quite an up and down rollercoaster since October of 2020. The last time I tried to have sex was in August of 2020 with a girl I was seeing - no luck. I initially had an erection when we were kissing, when we went up to my room, it had gone away and I couldn't get it back up. I started seeing numerous therapists and am still to this day - one specifically related to porn addiction. I also am in a group to help deal with this - outside of nofap.

In February, when I had my last reset, I have been in a downward spiral. My thought process has consisted of the following:

I clearly cannot maintain an erection with sex ----> If that can't happen, then I will never be able to sustain a long term relationship -----> If that happens, I can't have a family like I want - and no girl will want to be with me ----> I'm an only child and I will be alone, and eventually I will lose my parents. I'm 32 and my dad is 74 and my mom is 65. I am scared to death of losing them -----> If they were to pass, I'm not sure if I would be willing to live anymore.

I live alone, but did move back with my family recently. The pandemic and staying inside constantly may have contributed to my over thinking. I'm on 2 medications right now for depression anxiety and am also seeing a Psychiatrist once a month to evaluate medication. Contrary to my therapist, he actually said this isn't an addiction. I was quite surprised. He also stated it's quite normal to masturbate etc.

I've fantasized here and there and have gotten erections as a result, without masturbating. I don't really have all that many urges anymore to view porn or masturbate. That's what is crazy about all of this. If anything, I am experiencing a lot of regret so far. I am in huge regret for doing this for so long.

My own conflict is between my own attraction, ashamed of my attraction (to bigger women) and the fact that I have done this for so long - since I was 19 I masturbated.

I also am going to be honest, there was a thread I saw on here that scared the living shit out of me:
Gary Wilson says some people are permanently damaged | NoFap®

When I saw this, I truly started a major spiral. I didn't know what to do. I'm truly scared I will never recover. But, I am not doing this anymore. PMO is done in my life.

Thanks all - keep you posted.

ItsSeal · Mar 3, 2021

Hee man. Nice work, 30 days- Woohoo! The best solution for overthinking I use is to drop everything, get my shoes on and go do something outside. Groceries, biking, shopping or just walking.. sometimes it really helps to give the mind some rest. I think especially that men should not overthink too much. Keep yourself busy, it is great.

Mkwarrior214 · Mar 4, 2021

Hey buddy. Amazing job on 30 days! Porn is the worst thing happened to me since i was 12...im 33 now, similar age to yours and i feel i've lost so much important time in my life! I'm currently 120 days without any P or M , but i have a girlfriend at the moment. Don't let anyone tell you that porn is not a problem. It's the single most harmful thing to a man's soul. If you've been doing this for very long like me, it will take much much more than 30 days or 120 days to become a new person. I'm not watching porn and i will never watch it again.
I'm still experiencing flatline symptoms, like anxiety, mood swings , Porn flashbacks, bouts of depression and my confidence is not the best to be honest.
Some of my fetishes are a bit less in strength and others are still very much alive in my brain!
The lockdown and isolation makes everything worse as well, much worse!
One thing is for sure though!! No porn ever ever again!

I suggest you to start these activities if you are not already. I'm doing those and i strongly believe that our brains can create new pathways with time.

Exercise : At least 15 minutes of cardio every day ( just with less if you can't of do or fast walking for longer periods)
Meditation : start with 10 minutes per day ( lots of youtube videos)
Calisthenics : push ups , pull ups etc ( do 2 or 3 sets to start with)
Wim Hof breathing: Guided Wim Hof Method Breathing - YouTube ( this is really good for the withdrawal)
Cold showers : every day (even for only 20 seconds)
Read books : Power of now ,the power of habit , the willpower instinct

The brain is very adaptable to change but it takes time and effort.

Stay strong and never never give up!!

Metis07 · Mar 4, 2021

Mkwarrior214 said: ↑

Hey buddy. Amazing job on 30 days! Porn is the worst thing happened to me since i was 12...im 33 now, similar age to yours and i feel i've lost so much important time in my life! I'm currently 120 days without any P or M , but i have a girlfriend at the moment. Don't let anyone tell you that porn is not a problem. It's the single most harmful thing to a man's soul. If you've been doing this for very long like me, it will take much much more than 30 days or 120 days to become a new person. I'm not watching porn and i will never watch it again.
I'm still experiencing flatline symptoms, like anxiety, mood swings , Porn flashbacks, bouts of depression and my confidence is not the best to be honest.
Some of my fetishes are a bit less in strength and others are still very much alive in my brain!
The lockdown and isolation makes everything worse as well, much worse!
One thing is for sure though!! No porn ever ever again!

I suggest you to start these activities if you are not already. I'm doing those and i believe our brains can create new pathways with time.

Exercise : At least 15 minutes of cardio every day ( just with less if you can't of do or fast walking for longer periods)
Meditation : start with 10 minutes per day ( lots of youtube videos)
Calisthenics : push ups , pull ups etc ( do 2 or 3 sets to start with)
Wim Hof breathing: Guided Wim Hof Method Breathing - YouTube ( this is really good for the withdrawal)
Cold showers : every day (even for only 20 seconds)
Read books : Power of now ,the power of habit , the willpower instinct

The brain is very adaptable to change but it takes time and effort.

Stay strong and never never give up!!
Click to expand...

Wow, man, I would say almost exactly the same.

OP - cold showers, meditation, mindfulness, books, which were mentioned, nofap hard mode no matter what, sports - all this will help you tremendously with overthinking and anxiety issues.
When you watch porn and fantisize a lot - you are not living in a present moment, same for anxiety, you are projecting your (or someone's) bad experience to the future in your head and stress a lot. So continue with nofap no matter how you feel (there will be some lows and depression), it will open up your traumas which were numbed by pmo, deal with them healthy way, and eventually it will get better.

sam30 · Mar 7, 2021

WestCoast said: ↑

Hi everyone,

So I am updating to mark another accomplishment. This is the second time I have reached the 30 day mark. The last time was towards the end of 2020.

I have to be honest. After the last streaks I've been on, staying the course has been a lot easier for me. Initially, I was very nervous about testing myself to see if I still could maintain an erection. Yes, I had/have the flatline.

But, to go with this - I'm not sure if I am experiencing PAWS or just flat out anxiety and depression.

I have been in quite an up and down rollercoaster since October of 2020. The last time I tried to have sex was in August of 2020 with a girl I was seeing - no luck. I initially had an erection when we were kissing, when we went up to my room, it had gone away and I couldn't get it back up. I started seeing numerous therapists and am still to this day - one specifically related to porn addiction. I also am in a group to help deal with this - outside of nofap.

In February, when I had my last reset, I have been in a downward spiral. My thought process has consisted of the following:

I clearly cannot maintain an erection with sex ----> If that can't happen, then I will never be able to sustain a long term relationship -----> If that happens, I can't have a family like I want - and no girl will want to be with me ----> I'm an only child and I will be alone, and eventually I will lose my parents. I'm 32 and my dad is 74 and my mom is 65. I am scared to death of losing them -----> If they were to pass, I'm not sure if I would be willing to live anymore.

I live alone, but did move back with my family recently. The pandemic and staying inside constantly may have contributed to my over thinking. I'm on 2 medications right now for depression anxiety and am also seeing a Psychiatrist once a month to evaluate medication. Contrary to my therapist, he actually said this isn't an addiction. I was quite surprised. He also stated it's quite normal to masturbate etc.

I've fantasized here and there and have gotten erections as a result, without masturbating. I don't really have all that many urges anymore to view porn or masturbate. That's what is crazy about all of this. If anything, I am experiencing a lot of regret so far. I am in huge regret for doing this for so long.

My own conflict is between my own attraction, ashamed of my attraction (to bigger women) and the fact that I have done this for so long - since I was 19 I masturbated.

I also am going to be honest, there was a thread I saw on here that scared the living shit out of me:
Gary Wilson says some people are permanently damaged | NoFap®

When I saw this, I truly started a major spiral. I didn't know what to do. I'm truly scared I will never recover. But, I am not doing this anymore. PMO is done in my life.

Thanks all - keep you posted.
Click to expand...

sam30 · Mar 7, 2021

keep going i am in the same boat as you exactly what you say...

sam30 · Mar 7, 2021

Mkwarrior214 said: ↑

Hey buddy. Amazing job on 30 days! Porn is the worst thing happened to me since i was 12...im 33 now, similar age to yours and i feel i've lost so much important time in my life! I'm currently 120 days without any P or M , but i have a girlfriend at the moment. Don't let anyone tell you that porn is not a problem. It's the single most harmful thing to a man's soul. If you've been doing this for very long like me, it will take much much more than 30 days or 120 days to become a new person. I'm not watching porn and i will never watch it again.
I'm still experiencing flatline symptoms, like anxiety, mood swings , Porn flashbacks, bouts of depression and my confidence is not the best to be honest.
Some of my fetishes are a bit less in strength and others are still very much alive in my brain!
The lockdown and isolation makes everything worse as well, much worse!
One thing is for sure though!! No porn ever ever again!

I suggest you to start these activities if you are not already. I'm doing those and i strongly believe that our brains can create new pathways with time.

Exercise : At least 15 minutes of cardio every day ( just with less if you can't of do or fast walking for longer periods)
Meditation : start with 10 minutes per day ( lots of youtube videos)
Calisthenics : push ups , pull ups etc ( do 2 or 3 sets to start with)
Wim Hof breathing: Guided Wim Hof Method Breathing - YouTube ( this is really good for the withdrawal)
Cold showers : every day (even for only 20 seconds)
Read books : Power of now ,the power of habit , the willpower instinct

The brain is very adaptable to change but it takes time and effort.

Stay strong and never never give up!!
Click to expand...

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30 Days No PMO - Mixed Feelings

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