Journal for Victory and lessons learned

I realized that Satan’s aim is to destroy me completely and bring me to hell with him knowing that I am born again and serve the Lord and I believe in heaven confirmation through faith in him
I decided not to listen or react to any thoughts from someone who hates me like Satan and to follow completely the Lord and listen fully to his ways which are mainly to keep away from porn completely
I have shut down time ago all possible doors and would start the day with reading the scripture and praying for an hour before going to work this kills sin and old nature at the start if the day otherwise things are out of control
Please pray for me to continue the way...

 

I had a decent victory in the last months but I had a bad relapse in the last weeks and unfortunately I fell into sexual misconduct through sining and having sex with a girl which is not my wife. I repented to the Lord for this fall and I am receiving forgiveness and starting again
My bondage is seeking masturbation through seeing real life cam web sites and homemade movies for real life people doing sex and when I see that I usually feel the urge of doing that with a real lady which I usually do not do after masturbation
I am receiving full power from the Lord to keep on and retain victory through the help of the Holy Spirit

 

Yes I need support definitely
The thing is that I do not have the courage to share all the details of what I have done to close ones I only share a general confession about falling to impurity but did not tell anyone details like committing adultery and masturbation after stopping for a long time
The issue is that I have masters of biblical studies and I teach and preach the gospel and still I am falling into this sin.Most of the times I fall in masturbation about two times per week and see pornography then stop for a while and come back
Few times I fell in adultery with girls who are semi prostitutes who do that for money and every time I cancel their numbers then every couple of months I restore them again last year I fell 6 times into that which I take seriously and repent and avoid and keep away since this is a red line for my marriage

Sometimes I come to Christ and tell him you know I love you and my destiny and heart is yours. I am scared from losing you not from losing eternity since sin keeps me away from God for some times till my heart is restored back. Sometimes my heart is deceiving me but you know I love you.
I know I would pay for my sin and God is so merciful in me not to expose my sin because he is loyal to us even when we are not

I have asked help from two seniors in church and we prayed together but still my image as a preacher and teacher is preventing me from telling all what I have done

my wife knows I sometimes fall into masturbation and pornography and she is disappointed but she does not know I fell into adulterous behaviors since this would destroy our marriage and kids would suffer. I know I am so selfish in that decision to keep this secret.

I repent and repent and repent and stop for days and weeks and months but I then fall
Yesterday I prayed for two hours and asked to enter into his presence , into the holy of holies and I feel relieved, I shouted to the Damons of lust to stop under the authority of Christ but the issue is that whenever I am tempted several times and put under pressure then I go after sin without thinking and I forget all what I have learned
I do not know how you can help me perhaps I can let you be accountable for me and have private sessions of counseling together and I can pay for that

I have confessed to you since I can see you are ahead of me in victory

I was really disappointed two weeks ago when I saw Ravi Zacharias as well living a double life and being defeated in that matter and I was down but I know my case is different since I am not living a double life and I do not mess up with any women from church and I do not use the name of Christ to practice sin, this is a red line for me. I know I am weak and I believe I will achieve victory and I will not stop fighting
I released my first book, a Christian fiction in Arabic for a man who will receive 7 red envelopes from an unknown person which would led him through the way to stop his messy life away from God till he gives his life to Christ at the end and he would search for that man all the novel till he reveals himself to him at last it is called the red envelope for red is the color of the blood of Christ
Hope I did not disturb you with many details however this was a real confession from me to you
Thanks