Something is not right about my attitude. I really need some second opinion.

I don’t know how to frame it but let me start anyway. I always feel that someone is watching me when I am around people.
Let me elaborate. Suppose I’m in a room with both men and women , it always feels like a woman is watching me. When I’m in a room with only men ,then too I feel like someone is watching me. God forbid the situation of a room with only women.
This feeling does not bothers me catastrophically but I does restrains or sometimes even motivates a certain behaviour in me.
What sort of behaviour?
Of many times a body language of “I don’t care” (but of course my brain cares that is why it gives this I don’t care response) and many a times “ oh! Let me behave perfectly , she is watching me” or in cases where I feel like someone younger is watching me then “ Oh! Behave in a good way, the younger ones learn from you”.
This behaviour in not so profound in the presence of men but it surely is present.

My concern is the case (you guessed it right!) where I feel like a woman is watching me.
I preety much in all my days spent in this world , knew of myself to be one of the repulsive ones (in looks), my days were going happy. I was never bothered much by the presence of women around me back then. This was all going to change. You’ll see how.

It so happened few years back that I heard these words “women always want to be looked at by men , so they dress provocatively”. Now my brain omitted the part that provocatively dressed women want to be looked at and kept only the part that women want to be looked at.
Prior to this I thought that women don’t like to be looked at, so I try not to look at women still today. (This is how my upbringing was yet I ended up on p. sites).
Here’s the interesting bit- the fact that I don’t look at them combined with the words that they want to be looked at makes me feel like they are looking at me because they want to be looked at.
This made me take a glance at women at more than one occasion , and to no surprise they were not staring me . Even on many occasions I did noticed the discomfort on their faces caused by me looking at them(-a testimony of how repulsive I look, now I am not playing victim card on myself to feel pity about my face, people have literally said me to use personal care product or else no woman will marry me, I never bothered because I really don’t care).
P.S. I don’t stare at women scanning their bodies with my eyes , just random looks is what I am talking about.

All of this boils down to my brain thinking “you are not so ugly after all she’s staring you”, “Behave nicely He is looking at you” and et cetera et cetera. These back thoughts create lot of pressure on my brain and cause me great discomfort.

 

That is why I post things here. I always knew that I have social anxiety but didn’t had a hint that these problem arises with other socially anxious people.

And @AngelofDarkness , thank you for your words. I try my best not to see women as things to be consumed. As for their conflicting behaviour, I really don’t blame them and it personally doesn’t bothers me.