The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 88. Feeling great today. I have a nice relaxing weekend ahead of me filled with potential. I even have a couple of dates lined up! We will see how it goes. Overall I am feeling positive

 

Do not give up, i am sure you have learnt somethin from this...start again.

 

Day 312

 

Day 50! I am now a DWARF!
This past week was probably the hardest emotionally I've had in a long time, and hopefully the hardest I'll have in a long time, so making this landmark feels especially good. I'm very happy with how I managed the sadness this week, staying honest with my emotions, allowing myself to feel, taking cold showers and wim hoff breathing when I started feeling overwhelmed. I'm in a far, far better place than if I was coping with PMO.

 

22 days check in. Let's do this.

 

Day 191.

I wish everyone the strength to walk away from the stimulus. Don't separate yourself from success.

 

Day 44. Saint Anthony of Padua Pray for Us.

 

If even for a moment you enjoy the state of being aroused sexually it's the same as being stabbed by poisonous Morgul blade without elvish medicine and if the poison makes you to live in repeats and edgiing it's like becoming a wraith neither dead nor living I preferred to die cause living with poison is only delaying inevitable.

 

I guess it's good to feel a bit like Bilbo after dwarfs smashed his house and eaten all his food supplies ! It makes you ready for an adventure!

 

Day 10
Day 11

 

TITLE - ORC
Day 4/500
Longest streak - 18
Last streak - 5
Total PMO - 252
Total hours remaining - 11899
Days remaining - 496
Promise- 1 Jan 2020, 1 Jan 2021
Challenges completed - 2
1 DAYS - (24th Jan 2021)(18th Feb 2021)✓
3 DAYS -(31st Jan 2021)(21th Feb 2021)✓
7 DAYS -
14 DAYS -
21 DAYS -
30 DAYS -
45 DAYS -
60 DAYS -
90 DAYS -
365 DAYS -
500 DAYS -

 

Day 6

I apologise for missing my last two check-ins brothers, I was very stressed on Day 4, and then celebrating on Day 5 - I passed my first interview to become a Priest!

That being said, I really struggled with temptation today; my mind likes to convince me that 'if I relapse now, I can start again strong tomorrow', but I know this is the foolish thinking PMO thrives in! I'm happy to have finally made it out of being an Orc after a dodgy few weeks, but now onwards with full force to the Shire and the rest of my reboot!

 

Title - Orc
Day 1

It's time to make a Change in my life

 

Day 273

 

It's day ... ! Had a heavy day as I engorged myself in unproductive habits and foods, though it is safe to say that I have not relapsed in NoFap!
I had eaten a lot of junk-food and sweets and noticed how agitated it made me, while draining the will to actually produce something. It was very educational to say the least, yet I'm going to call it quits today and go to bed as I feel no good will come if I stay up, I still have tomorrow all day and many options of activities to chose from, as I need to also add an exciting reward system so my body will accept the challenges that would come along.
My advice for today: Reduce your sugar intake if you want to be productive!

 

No PMO - Day 108

Reflections - Accept Accept Accept. Let go of where I think I should be and instead concentrate on accepting where I am, where I live, where I work, how my family is, the state of the world, Accept. Accept is not Resign, it is to stop wishing my reality was different and engage it live it and change it from within.

Challenge daily your excuses to pmo -

• Today was the first day in 3.5 months that the fantasies came back - and again it was like all of this had been forgotten, like it was the most natural thing in the world to waste time in lustful fantasy. It was then I realised I needed to get back on this Forum, and get back on the Quest to destroy the ring

Exercise - Yes hour long jog

Cold Shower - Yes

Mindful Breathing - Not yet

Practise BRACE - Did one big gulp of air when the urges hit and this kicked the pre frontal cortex into gear

Procrastination - not today - but this week has been a disaster from a procrastination point of view and resulted in working and extra 5 hours on Friday night just to do stuff that could have been done earlier in the week (see double bind below)

Vanity - my mother tries to tell me all the women fall in love with me - this is the root cause of my vanity, as I was told this almost daily while growing up. And it is not so much that I believes it, rather that deep down I was terrified of the rejection that would prove my mother was a liar. The most fundamental connection we have is to one's mother. The Dalai Lama says that the care a mother gives its child as soon as it's born is proof that the essence of life is compassion and love. But the terror I had as a child was that if she is lying about this then possibly everything is a lie and that was just too horrific to countenance so I ran and I medicated, and that is my life pretty much summed up. Fear of rejection, that leads to the betrayal of the most intimate bond that exists, that leads to the destruction of all that is good in the world - That is what I run from, that is why I am an addict, that is why i never truly matured.

Acting the idiot, boasting, blather - This week I did speak too much in meetings, utterly assured I would get a laugh. I pray I can end this bad habit asap.

Flirting: No

Study about the reboot - Double Bind

Follow a triggers prevention plan - BRACE! Early to bed early to rise, getting off sugar slowly but surely (off sugar completely for Lent), do not watch anything with triggers this weekend ( watch a few games instead )

Why am I doing this? - to become a man

Freedom Fight - Double Bind

• Both Options seem hard so I stay stuck in my current situation - Will I procrastinate or take care of business, Will I reach out or isolate - Will I choose to avoid pain or to face it?
  • Double Bind of Procrastination :
    • Face the task --> Hard Work- long hours - possibility of failure
    • or not facing the project - numbing out on a media binge - delay the inevitable - also failure -
  • The angst caused by the double bind is what he is trying to medicate and out run
• The Right Decision is often the more difficult one in the short term that you want to avoid
• Unresolved double binds are what most commonly drive people down the scale to relapse
• First step is to recognise the double bind

The FASTER scale!

• Restoration -
• Forgetting Priorities -
• Anxiety -
• Speeding up - Lust again
• Ticked off
• Exhausted
• Relapse

Commitments for tomorrow - Humility, No PMO, Exercise, Vigilance and Mindful of Thought (Extinguish all lustful fantasy before they are even a flame & any time I see a fault in another think of my own faults (of which I have infinitely more examples)), of Word (No bitching or complaining & Connect to my vulnerability by being reserved and quiet), of Action (Connect to my tasks and stay diligent and true to my commitments), Be very aware of danger everywhere and most importantly do not take my eye off Gollum, not even for one second....