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How do I stop thinking so hard about NOFAP and RELAPSING and learn to just live!?(Slightly long read

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Nautica, Mar 5, 2021.

  1. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    PMO is not the only reason my life is not where I want it to be, and it is not the only reason I'm not the man I want to be. But it is still a big part of the reason.
    I find that I think about nofap way too much throughout the day. PMO is a cause of my decreased cognitive functions, memory, physical illness, and other issues. When I'm doing work I cant help but think, "man If only I was on a long streak right now, my mental health would be so much better". If i get anxiety in a social situation, it'll be the same thing "man if only I was on a long streak right now, I would be so much more confident". "Or man if only I was on a long streak my physical illness would've been fixed by now".
    I'll start to get impatient and angry with nofap because I want my mental capacity to improve NOW. I want my confidence to improve NOW. I want my physical illnesses to improve NOW. If I have a bad day, it should be motivating for me to continue on with nofap, but rather it draws me back into PMO. When PMO is the direct cause of glaring issues in my life, its hard to not think about it and not put so much pressure on keeping a streak alive. This makes a relapse worse because theres so much pressure on keeping a streak alive that If I fail I get very down and hard on myself. My PMO symptoms comeback. I mean how could I not? I just sent my stupid ass back to day 1 again.
    I've completely blocked and exterminated all and any possible access to pornography on my phone. On my computer I've found a very good blocker to the point the only way I could look at porn would be to factory reset my computer which I cant do because I am a musician and artist and it would take forever to back up all my files and redownload all my programs aswell as the fact that a complete reset would take hours anyways. I've also currently put away my pride and hopped onto the 12 step program by russell brand and am completely willing to change my ways. Everything should be setup for success on this streak I'm on. But theres still a looming fear within me about potentially failing, a looming fear that someway somehow I'll slip up. I started nofap in 2014, I took a year or two off between 2017 and 2019 and of course I know more now about addictions and PMO than back then, but within that time period of 7 years, 7 FUCKING YEARS, I have never made it to 1 month of no PMO. It is absolutely demoralizing to my confidence to have failed for so long. I was also doing many things wrong for years that led to so much faliure, but still. Thats where this looming fear of failing comes from, this looming fear of a relapse being right around the corner.
    Ontop of that I've had a rough life with social interactions due to an unfortunate situation I was born into + PMOing. I'm not saying this for sympathy. Now that I'm aware, I know that only I can fix my situation and to blame my problems on anyone else is to be a slave unwilling to take responsibility for my life. I'm saying this however, because my encounters in life have led to a lot of negative underlying beliefs about myself, which leads to self sabotaging and relapses+ and a lack of confidence. I plan on crushing these negative beliefs but its going to take time, but all it takes is one relapse to ruin all my progress and that scares me.
    To wrap this all up. I'm just so sick and fucking tired of nofap/relapses always being on my mind, and the more I fear a relapse, the more I attract one. and counting the days does not help at all. But how am I not suppose to think about such a powerful tool that is?
    I just want to fucking live and be free of all this shit man, I just want to live peacefully without ever thinking of nofap, relapses, and urges, but still doing nofap.
    Last thing I want to say. I was always taught by my parents and through school and the media the danger of drugs. Because of this, a fear of them sank into my subconcious, I never had any interest in ever experimenting with them because it was beat into my head the dangers of them and to this day i've only ever barely sipped alcohol. I bring this up because if only the dangers of PMO could've been taught too me throughout my childhood. I could've been living life on GOD mode right now.
    But at the end of the day, it is what it is. I cant change the past. Thanks to anyone that read all of this.
     
    AversioN and OhWhenThe like this.
  2. This.
    This is exactly what I need.
    but I'm currently positive about my mindset right now. I made a To do list and finishing the tasks makes me happy.
    Have a different purpose. Make nofap a catalyst, not a fuel. Focus on an important dream, like self improvement. Don't think too much. If you just relapsed, Just don't stop what you are doing.
     
    AversioN likes this.
  3. zombieslayer

    zombieslayer Fapstronaut

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    To be honest, I didn't read all of it. But could the answer be higher purpose? Knowing who you want to be and what you want out of life, or the journey to finding it? That's something else to focus on besides all of this nofap stuff.
     
    LION FIST likes this.
  4. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    I have a purpose, problem is I havent dedicated my life around it. I recently got rid of all distractions that I had been indulging in over the years. You can't have both success and the distractions, and I want to be at the top of my field of work, not mediocre. I'm dedicating my life full time towards my purpose from here on out
     
    LION FIST likes this.
  5. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    I think the answer lies in actually following the purpose I have laid out. I can be passionate about being an astronaut(just an example), but if my daily routine consist of me playing videogames/watchingtv/fapping/browsing the internet 10 hours a day, than having a purpose is meaningless if i'm not even aligning myself with it.
     
    zombieslayer and LION FIST like this.
  6. Try changing this list. Not entirety, one by one at a time(with nofap). That would be helpful.
     
    Nautica likes this.
  7. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    Oh, I have been. I took all my videogames back to my parents house a few hours away, blocked 99% of subreddits and websites I would waste countless hours on, and I dont watch tv anyways unless its NFL season. Now we just wait for results I guess
     
    LION FIST likes this.
  8. Good to hear that. I also uninstalled my PC games and unsubscribed from about 20 YouTube channels. It does feel better.
    But Blocking sites never works for me.
    It kinda increases my urges to break the restrictions.
     
    Nautica likes this.
  9. Nautica

    Nautica Fapstronaut

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    Try the computer app "focusme". Literally impossible to get past it unless you factory reset your entire computer. Either that or you have to wait 2 days before they send you the reset tool, which by then your urges would be long gone. They have a great system going on. I heard about it and downloaded it at the start of this streak. So far so good
     
    LION FIST likes this.
  10. Thank you for your suggestion.
    I will use blockers if I fail again.
     
    Nautica likes this.
  11. A8X

    A8X Fapstronaut

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    Nautica, try these tools:

    Next time you catch yourself obsessing about NoFap or think stuff like "man If only I was on a long streak right now" - stop whatever you are doing for a moment, take a few deep breaths and just observe what you are feeling in this current moment. The more you practice bringing your self back to the current moment when your mind wanders off the more you will realize that you are doing better than you imagined.

    Forget about making long streaks, just decide that you will not do PMO today only. Next day, make the same decision. And so on. Smaller goals are more manageable and less stressful. The days will add up by themselves.
     
    Nautica likes this.
  12. zombieslayer

    zombieslayer Fapstronaut

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    Good point. A man is defined by his actions.
     
    Nautica and LION FIST like this.

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