The Lord of the Rings Challenge

@RiseToGreatness @HE^MAN @Johnthesavage Hey, thanks for the kind words brothers!

Day 201! The journey commences. Each day that comes is completely there, it is not in the next day or the previous one, so I will make the best of it as much as I can! Be well fellowship!

 

60 days – After leaving Moria, you enter the Kingdom of the Silvan Elves, Lothlórien.

Two months! I'm twelve days away from beating my previous streak, but as I've posted this is the first time I really confronted fishing and acknowledged its role in my relapses, so I consider this my first ever 'true' streak. Not saying previous streaks didn't have incredible value, but that I was always hamstringing both my ability to stay sober and to experience the many benefits of nofap, so I'm incredibly proud of this progress. Here's a rundown of those benefits so far:

1. No brain fog! Probably the best feeling of all is to feel like my mind is clear again. I will say there's a difference between 'clear' and 'sharp'--for the past few weeks I've also been diligently hunting down the other ways I'm a slave to the dopamine monster and cutting off their heads (no FB/internet browser on my phone, for example--any place I instinctively and neurotically feel the impulse to 'check' gets severely restricted); my goal by 90 days is to reach a point where deep focus isn't such a struggle anymore. This is paired with breathing exercises and meditative walks.

2. The flood of P fantasies are *mostly* gone. Used to be I'd wake up thinking about P scenes, I'd drive thinking about P scenes, pretty much any mental downtime P scenes would automatically flood my brain. I hated it. That is all but gone, and when something sexual does pop into my head now I have the ability to tell it to fuck off and move on, and it works. As well, what pops into my head is not nearly as delinquent; the 'shock' value of taboo P has receded.

3. Confidence is high. No stuttering, no ducking peoples' gazes, no weird drymouth when I try to have a conversation. The body jitters and anxiety are gone as well. My posture has improved, I'm keeping muscle on, and I feel secure in myself when I walk into a room. I actually call friends and family to talk to them, rather than put the phone on silent when I see they're calling.

4. Time. It's impossible to overstate how important this has been--not only the time gained from not wasting hours with my pants down, but also the mental time gained from not thinking about my next session, how to bypass a filter, what I'm going to do when the house is empty, etc etc. Hours and hours a day that I'd lost to P, I now have back. I'm doing yoga and hard calisthenics, studying chinese, playing guitar, socializing, being fully present with my son. You just don't realize how much time you gain back.

5. Related to #4 is energy. No more big swings of energy as I'm not strapped to the dopamine rollercoaster. My energy throughout the day is much more consistent, and more closely correlated to objective measures like quality of sleep.

6. Depression and thoughts of suicide are gone. Completely. Fuck yeah.

Some people talk about these things as super powers; I think of it more as just getting my true self back. These aren't super powers, they're simply what I am supposed to be like as a man and that person has been imprisoned by PMO.

What's working:
Cold showers. Wim Hoff breathing. Yoga (the PMO body is a tight, hunched, painful thing. Yoga helps restore it). Hanging out with friends. Playing with my son and dog (being around unrestrained joy has an incredible effect). Talking to myself in front of the mirror or on meditative walks--what am I proud of, what needs work. Doing a gratitude journal in morning and evening. Staying committed to my hobbies.

Obstacles I've hit along the way:
Youtube and facebook. Neither have lead me to P but both fuel the dopamine monster, so I've severely restricted them. My phone has nothing on it that I can neurotically check. No dings. No little red numbers.

Fantasizing about sex with real women. At first this felt good--real women, not P! But I realized it's just another form of the same brain drain. Obsessing about having real sex doesn't create an orientation towards women that leads to me finding a true life partner, and continues to fuel objectification. I've been working a lot on channeling my sexual energy into self improvement and being wholly ok with abstinence. A man desperate for sex is not one who attracts quality women. A man wholly secure and confident in himself, who exudes an aura of being whole and complete in himself, does. Sex is a consequence of connection, not the connection itself. This has been the hardest self-improvement to make.

Tiredness/boredom. These are still two of my biggest triggers, and anytime my brain has tried to reopen the PMO door it's a direct result of one of these two, so it's where I'm staying most diligent. I make plans for my day, check in with my sleep quality, and generally stay vigilant.

 

Day 323.

 

Day 98. Feeling a strong chaser effect the last couple of days from a wet dream I had over the weekend. I have been fighting back the urges while simultaneously trying to fight off sleep. I have not been sleeping well due to daylight savings. This is a bit of a rough patch for me in my recovery. Looking forward to catching up on some sleep tonight

 

Awesome job man! congratulations

 

Thanks, man! I wouldn't be this far along without you, though!

 

On day 8, I've studied since 7am (it's now 5pm, I took 10min breaks every 50min) but I've had urges, I think they are here because I'm frustrated with my studies (at least after 3 hours, even with a 30min break) and it's like my brain wants to sabotage my efforts of becoming a good student. I'm finding excuses for PMO, so far I've been able to refocus on work but my ability to find "counter reasons" on why resisting natural urges is dumb has me worried and not so confident. But I won't take the slippery slope, maybe being confident, or at least brave, meaning ignoring this doubt/fear is a choice and the only one I have if I want my life to change for the better.
I'm young (like most of you I guess) and I want to have "a head start", on being disciplined enough to accomplish everything I want, on becoming more and more mature/wise everyday, that sort of things.

I don't want to be a college failure anymore because I know I have the ability to understand every concepts fast and well, if only I can discipline myself to get it done. (That's what I'm doing today and the days acoming)
I've been working out and learning russian since January, I've been thinking about getting better at English too (I speak French), those are good hobbies for life not to be just about PMO and school.

Fair day everyone!

 

Day 29

 

Cool

 

Day 4,

Spent some time in the garden and keeping very active throughout the day.

Carry on Fellowship!

 

Checking in day 118 friends
It is unreal how by resisting the urges of the weekend, when I was exhausted and lonely, when the days were dark and the pressure seemed too much, how the rewards are so great afterwards and well worth resisting the urges, well worth it:
- the light shines all the brighter today
- breathing the fresh air outside feels like champagne
- getting lots done (like loads of stuff that has been hanging over my head for months) but calmly without stress and not allowing myself to get accelerated
- able to communicate with my father properly for the first time in decades, maybe ever

So yes the urges come back but the strength to deal with the urges grows each time we resist as well, and the rewards (and our awareness of the rewards) grow too, and are worth the wait

Found this today - it touched my heart. So if you are struggling I hope it touches yours too: Habakkuk 2:3

 

1, 2, Freddie is coming for you! Second day!

 

Garden/ Parks/ Nature - the best digital detoxes out there

 

Day 0...

 

@RiseToGreatness Glad you made it through. I am having a rough time too sleeping at night. I try my best to stay off my phone. If I can't sleep I sometimes I scroll through NoFap reddit, it seems to help until I get sleepy again. @crazyhorse11 I pray to my Guardian Angel too. Seems to help, and I always feel strengthened and comforted and renewed in purpose and insight into my problems.

 

Day 15! :3