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100 Cold Approaches

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by StoicContemplation, Dec 12, 2020.

  1. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    Well, let's say the first part of the approach was a couple of minutes (I don't think more than 5 mins). She then showed me a way to a coffee shop. During that little walk the conversation went personal. Towards the end I asked for her name. I'd say that the total duration of interaction was maybe 10 mins.

    I don't know, I had the impression that she looked pretty down to meet up... She put her name in my contact list like this: '(name of girl) from (NAME OF COUNTRY - with capitals). However, it's not worth it to dwell on this ("Did she put in the wrong digits on purpose?" or "Did she make a mistake when she was entering her digits?"). It's better that I laugh it off and try again.

    I think between 45 mins and an hour? After the drink went for a walk towards her bus stop so we could split up. During that walk I isolated her.

    During the date I touched her leg maybe a few times when saying something playful. She also touched me a few times when she laughed.

    During the walk I touched her back maybe 2 times.

    Before the kiss, I touched her arm a bit.

    Still experimenting with this stuff! I think I have to learn the hard way...

    Also concerning your question of reply rates of the numbers I got:

    I'd say I had online conversations (even very short ones) with about 10 girls.
     
  2. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    The dizzying highs of approach 18 feel like a long time ago now.

    Was it really two days ago where I was texting regularly with two gals at the same time and building connection with both of them? Arranging dates with the two of them which were enthusiastically responded to? What the hell has happened since then?

    Well with both I have loose plans to meet them this weekend but when I texted both for confirmation, the trail ran cold completely. No more jokes and loose back and forths. Just the stone cold doubtful chatter of the conversation within my mind.

    This weekend could go both ways - I could go on two dates by the end of it. OR both will cancel and I'll back where I started. Oh...why the hell do we put ourselves through all this?

    The dog walker's silence has been the most chilling. She was responding within 10 minutes to all my messages until the last one. She seemed very relaxed. But something has changed, I feel.

    But I didn't want to get too infatuated with the two numbers I have, so I went into the field today. I felt completely off and depressed and my legs felt like jelly. The thoughts running through my mind were 'people don't want to talk to you. They don't want to talk to strangers. You don't have good openers and you aren't confident enough to get things moving after opening.' But I just powered through anyway. I missed 3 targets within the first 15 minutes and I began to doubt if I could do any.

    Finally, I got my first approach of the day out,
    'Excuse me, do you know anywhere that sells umbrellas?'
    'I don't know. I just moved here.'
    'Me too'
    She walks away. That's it. I don't think she heard the 'me too' because she'd already turned around.

    Then I go to the next one. An Asian woman standing by the river.
    'Excuse me, what river is this?' (stupid question to ask since I know the answer)
    'It's _______'
    'Oh cool. It's great to walk around here.'
    'Yeah. It's beautiful. Have you been to the ______? You can go inside.'
    'No, I haven't
    'It's great'
    'Yeah, as long as it's not raining.'
    'Yeah'
    'And there are all these swans here.'
    At this moment, she walks away from me and puts her headphones on. The swans comment killed it.

    I see two hottish young girls (probably early 20's) eating a McDonald's on a bench. Listen, pair approaches aren't going to work but I just feel like doing it for the sake of pushing myself.

    I go,
    'Excuse me, where did you get that McDonald's?'
    Hotter one: 'How can I explain this, you go over there and then ______'
    'Near the station?' (I know exactly where it is)
    'Yeah'
    'Great. I feel like a McDonald's'
    *awkward laugh*
    'I'm new here so just getting the lay of the land'
    'Yeah'
    'Ok well, thanks.'
    'You're welcome. Bye!'

    Not sure about this one. I didn't want to just stand there while they were sitting down cos it makes me think I'm trapping them or something. Maybe I could have sat in that discomfort more.

    Then I walk back to the train station. There are police officers guarding the station for some reason, so trying to socialize with strangers at this time makes me feel a bit like a jew in Nazi Germany (okay, I know that's too far).

    Anyway, I brought out an old Kowe opener classic:
    'Excuse me, is that a good cigarette?'
    'This?'
    'Yeah, I'm thinking about smoking.'
    'Oh right. Do you want one?'
    'Maybe uh...I just think it's a good time for it. Anyway uh, I'm new here.'
    'Me too. I'm new here.'
    'Oh yeah, where city are you from?'
    'I'm from _____. I just came here recently'
    'Me too.'
    'What city are you from?'
    'Well, I've been living abroad. I was in ____ and ______.'
    'Cool'
    'Are you getting the train?'
    'Yeah, I'm getting the train.'
    'Me too. Oh yeah, what brand are those cigarettes?'
    'They're ____ Do you want one?'
    'Okay' *takes a cigarette*
    'Do you want a lighter?
    'No I'm okay, I'll light it at home *insane part of the interaction here*
    'okay
    'So what's your name?'
    'My name's _____ You?'
    'I'm Kowe.' *time is of the essence here, my train is about to leave so I decide to try for a quick wrap up* 'You come here often?'
    'Yeah. I'm from ____ But I sometimes go to______
    'Cool. My train's leaving soon but it'd be to cool to chat again sometime, what's your number?'
    She looks at me, considering it then says,
    'I'm sorry I have a boyfriend and I don't think I'd like that'
    'Ok. Thanks!'

    I actually don't feel too bad about this one. It blew my 3 interactions prior to this out of the water. It made me think this game might NOT be about skill but more about just to keep trying until you get some chemistry with someone.

    I am in a somewhat better mood than when the day began when I get to the train platform so when I see a girl on her smartphone waiting, I jump in without a huge amount of hesitation,

    'Excuse me, is that a good smart phone?'
    'What? Yeah?'
    'Yeah I don't know what's better android or iphone'
    'I think iphone's better'
    'Yeah but you have to use itunes'
    *she says nothing*
    'Does it have the latest IOS?'
    'Yeah'
    'I'm using a Motorola but the camera is not so good and it is noisy during my lessons'
    *she says nothing*
    'I'm new to this area actually'
    'Right'
    'Where do you get phones now I mean everything's closed?'
    'You can get them online'
    'Where did you buy that?'
    'I bought it online'
    'I bought my phone from abroad. It's unlocked. I used to live abroad'
    *she says nothing*

    I cut my losses and walk away from her and get on the train. There was a bad vibe in this interaction. Let me paint a picture here. This was a somewhat hot blonde woman in make up. I was and am a balding man in a marvel hoody. The whole time she was giving a little smirk of like 'what a nerd' type thing, especially when I went into the phone ramble. It reminded me of the times I approached 'hot' girls in clubs and they blanked me completely, as well as triggering flashbacks to the way the hotter girls in school used to ignore me as well. Of course, I probably shouldn't have worn the comic book hoody and could probably work on my appearance to look less lame to this demographic of woman.

    It was also one of my worst and lamest rambles ever with the most inane observations made and only just about coherent.

    23/100
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2021
  3. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    You're a warrior, man. Courage and tenacity are virtues you definitely posses.

    My thoughts also, it's harder to create a connection with your target when she's with her friend. But these approaches are indeed good to get comfortable with the opening and overcoming the anxiety. Pairs can even be more intimidating too. I do think it happened twice that I got a number from a girl from a pair but I don't think they responded. I don't think it would never work out, but it's indeed better not to put all your chips on pairs.

    Well said - it's a numbers game. You keep 'flipping stones' until you find a 'yes' girl. This can take very long though. And in this process of doing so, you become more detached and confident because you get to the point where you don't even care about getting rejected or getting the number anymore. This increase in confidence (and also skill in my opinion) will subsequently increase your chances in the long run. It's no rocket science!

    These 5 approaches are truly worthy of praise.

    No one forced you to endure this kind of masochism.

    But you did it anyways - by just relying only on the complete composition of the cells of your body - because you know it allows you to grow. You put the ego aside and embrace the fact that this is a visceral game that can REALLY crush you to the ground and that it can shatter all your previous beliefs into a millions of little pieces. But, hard times do create strong men indeed.
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2021
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  4. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    I did some approaches too.

    All of them were kind of lame, no personal chats involved.

    In the morning I bought some fruit in the supermarket and a girl was after me in the checkout line.

    I take my time to put the exchange in my wallet after I paid to make the opening seem more natural whilst contemplating the approach. We leave the entrance of the supermarket at the same time and I ask her:

    "Excuse me, what drink is that?" (she held a plastic cup with some sort of coffee in it)
    "It's a macchiato."
    "Oh cool. I thought it was a smoothie because I'm trying out some smoothies myself. Where did you buy it?"
    "I bought it at ____."
    "Oh, is it the ____ at _____ square?"
    "No, it's the one at ____."
    "Oh okay, I don't drink coffee myself but it looks good though!"
    "Thank you."

    End of conversation. Very lame. I could have inquired more about the place where she bought it and ramble about the fact that I'm trying to find a good spot to study. Anyways, the defects of a certain approach are less important than the fact that you at least opened up in my opinion.

    I also opened up with a girl who was looking at her phone at the entrance of a coffee shop I was 'studying' at (I really need to work on my concentration...). She was there initially with a man but I wasn't sure what the dynamic was between them. She was alone outside and the guy inside so I just hit her with something eldery:

    "Excuse me, do you know a good place to study?"

    She didn't really know. She looked pretty fast back at her phone. I ramble a bit but she isn't really open for a chat. Later I see that the guy is her boyfriend.

    In the evening I found myself in another coffee shop. I'm at the counter where the drinks you've ordered are served and a girl in front of me who is also waiting is looking at her phone. I ask her if her phone is good. She is puzzled by my question. I repeat myself and take my phone out, showing my broken screen. Her penny doesn't drop. I ask her if she speaks English in her language. She says no, takes her drink and leaves.

    I go sit at a table close to the front door of the coffee shop, drop my stuff and get my computer out. I suddenly come up with the idea to go to the supermarket to get some fruit. There is one nearby. I ask a girl at another table close to me if she wants to keep an eye on my stuff (not that it would get stolen). I say that I know it's a safe country and state that where I'm from it's not so safe. She asks me where I'm from.

    When I get back I say something like "Did you had to fight to defend my stuff?". She kind of laughs I think. I don't really know what to say next, so I did some of the more direct type of game, immediately asking her what her name is and then saying:

    "My name is SC. I'm just doing some study work here. Is that a good coffee?"
    "No thank you."

    So I guess she thought I said "Do you want to go out for a coffee?" instead of this random follow-up question. But I ended the conversation as I got rejected anyways.

    This stuff is actually pretty frustrating. Last week I thought that my prospect pipeline was filled with 4 girls who looked interested.

    A week later and I'm back to zero prospects (the numbers were flaky or the girls didn't fancy me enough after the date). I guess I could try to get another date with the girl I had the last date with (not the most attractive girl but she has something). I also started a conversation on WhatsApp with a girl I approached yesterday in a coffee shop. She was there with her friend. I opened up with them both when they were smoking at the front door of the coffee shop but I went for the number of the pretty girl when she was sitting down at her table whilst her friend was in the bathroom. Highs and lows, highs and lows...
     
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2021
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  5. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man. Appreciate the encouraging words.

    Of course, I am only just beginning my journey. I'm a rookie whereas you are a seasoned warrior.

    Reading your journey and knowing that on one corner of the earth you too are putting yourself out there gives me courage to do the same. It's easy to make an excuse and say 'nobody else is doing this so why should I?'

    But do we really want to be like these people who are 'normal' ? What's normal? Sitting at home masturbating to porn in between spending hours on dating apps boosting self-esteem of women who you will probably never meet. No way.

    I think now I have racked up some approaches, I'm a bit harder on myself when it goes badly or nowhere. I don't pat myself on the back as much saying 'well at least you did something.' It's also become less of a thrilling exercise of 'oohh I wonder what will happen!' and more an exercise of masochistic torture where my predictions of what will happen (an awkward back and forth which ends promptly) are confirmed over and over again.

    But I have gotten two numbers and what'sapp 'friends' out of it if nothing else.

    Clearly I need to work on my rambles and bait dropping and my capacity for withstanding painfully awkward social interactions (to be honest, I'm pretty relieved when they walk away quickly or show no interest).

    Anyway we both know that this game can change with just one conversation. You can go from a down and out rejected loser to a guy with a potential future date within one approach.

    In fact, a series of failures are actually a good thing for lowering your expectations and keeping your ego in check.



    Thank you, failures!
     
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  6. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    Wordsmith of the finest caliber.

    +1
     
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  7. profconcept

    profconcept Fapstronaut

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    I'm so impressed by this cold approach ability. Not saying I haven't done it but I was just single for three years and would never approach anyone, and I finally dated again but it is now over after two months, and I'm thinking there is something to be learned here. It's kind of scary to be alone and rejected and I think there is a fear or a belief that I can benefit from confronting by doing this.
     
  8. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    I am interested what this catch is?

    From my own personal experience so far, the catch is that you get so buzzed from this (the adrenaline rush and highs and lows of the results) that it can be hard to do concentrate on basically anything else after.

    I don't think it's a hobby that's super conducive to follow with contemplative acts like reading and studying or even creative acts. It's basically a super stimulant.
     
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  9. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    Exactly what you described. That's the catch in my opinion. You can get sucked into it where all your mental energy is channelized towards approaching. This doesn't only concern the mental energy before and during an approach, but it also includes the ex post reflections, i.e. all the aphorisms you're telling yourself to make this journey more manageable. My brain is constantly thinking about the concept of cold approaching. Like I'm constantly reminding myself how hard it is through all these coping mechanisms. This can suck up a big chunk of your mental resources. This has an opportunity cost. But I don't regret doing this though. I should delve more into stoicism again so I can mitigate the cost by being less preoccupied by this stuff.

    I experienced a drop in my concentration and attention span. I'm thinking a lot about girls now ("Did she answer already?", "Should I approach her?", "I should have approached her!", "Man that girl I talked to was hot.", etc.). I walk around in the city and sometimes that's literally all I can think about. Or if I did a (successful) approach I will just get sucked into the afterglow and just vibe out on the forum whilst it should be better to work on school or read a book.

    I think it can be perfectly combined with a productive life where you are focused on your career or academic pursuits. It's also a keystone habit: it drives you to eat clean and workout. It's harder to do this stuff when you're laying in bed rotting all day whilst your body is digesting processed food with whilst washing it down with some Coca Cola. But I have to be more vigilant about the mental masturbation aspect of this journey.
     
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  10. Drich98

    Drich98 Fapstronaut

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    Hi SC, first off I want to say congrats on reaching your goal of approaching 100 girls. I think its really inspiring and great that your trying to do something out of your comfort zone. I have done it several times myself, and I can understand where your coming from with the anxiety aspect and worrying if she will respond. From my experience, I realized several aspects are important. Appearance for starters is a big one, though it may sound shallow how you dress and your hygiene definitely play a role into how someone perceives you. I had to work on this myself with my haircut, clothes, and general outfits I wore in public. I noticed how you mentioned sometimes it can be frustrating where things start off well and seemingly go nowhere. This, is also normal as well seeing as there have been times when I was flirting or talking to girls and suddenly they lose interest. Sometimes it was my fault, or a lack of inexperience at the time, while others it turned out the girl was just using me for attention or just wanted to be with someone for the sake of not being alone. Night game is a lot different like you said too, when I used to go to bars usually I would just go up to a girl and say "Hey how's it going" or just ask her something. Generic? Yes. Unoriginal? Absolutely. But sometimes it proved effective because it made it easier to start a conversation instead of thinking of the perfect pickup line. There have been points where I fumbled the bag and other times where things worked out.

    If there's anyway to take away from this challenge that you've done don't be too hard on yourself. The fact that your even trying to form some sort of relationship with a stranger is commendable. If something isn't working feel free to change it, and if it is then no need to overthink it (easier said then done ofc). When you do it from people at the school you go to or a friend of a friend its a lot easier to be more relatable then some rando you've never met. Like anything in life if you feel its making you distracted or giving anxiety and negative thoughts sometimes its good to just take a step back, revaluate the situation, and go back to it when your ready. Breaks are important, and when I'm burnout and come back to something most of the time I find that I am able to perform whatever I'm doing a lot better than before. Maybe take a day for yourself, do something that you've been putting off or chat with a friend whatever relives any stress buildup basically. Though these statements are really obvious notions I feel its easy to get lost in the moment, hell I've done it myself before. There may even be times when your not looking for something and it just happens. I've had girls come up to me before and say that I'm cute at college when I was out not even looking for game but just to go out with some of my friends. Not to say that you should just wait for something to magically fall in your lap, and you don't seem like the person that would do that but stuff like this does happen. That's pretty much my takeaway from all this, I wish you the best of luck with what you set to achieve.
     
  11. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    So today I met up again with the dog walking girl (approach 18) mentioned at the top of this page.

    I hesitate to call it a 'date' because it was pretty clear immediately that it wasn't that.

    It was basically a repeat of our first walk. And it's a shame because the conversation was not charged with the electricity that first one had of strangers who had just met. It was like a slightly disappointing sequel which had all the elements of the original but missing the spark. It was Die Hard 2. Well, maybe that's an insult to Die Hard 2. It was the Matrix Reloaded then. I actually did mention The Matrix as one of my favorite movies, which was one of many conversation topics which felt like a real strain.

    I blame myself partly for this. I was so in my head about the fact I needed to touch her at some point to escalate things that it took my mind off enjoying the moment. Although I told myself to hug her on greeting, I didn't do that.

    In fact, the first round of dialogue was okay. I talked about 'The Artist's Way' and told her about The Morning Pages and Artist Date.

    Then things just felt...off somehow. She asked me a bunch of questions and I was thinking 'we need to sit down at some point so I can try to touch her.'

    We do eventually sit down. But she sits quite far away from me, making it pretty difficult to touch her. I ask her about her painted nails (an excuse to touch her hand) but when I reach out for it, it's too far. I try this again by asking her about a ring and botch it a second time.

    I think maybe I will go for my 'palm reading' as a cheap way to touch her hand. But to avoid talking about her hand for 3 conversation topics in a row, I ask her if she reads horoscopes. She lets out a disgusted 'no.' And when I ask her when her birthday is, she imagines I'm going to tell her the horoscope. Unfortunately, she has pegged me as some sort of quack genuinely into this garbage that I am only bringing up out of some ill-informed idea that girls are into this stuff. Sad times. I know this pissed her off because she got her phone out and checked her messages right after I said it.

    I scrap the palm reading idea and she suggests getting up. I try my best not to beat myself up too much about this series of failed escalation attempts. But it's easier said than done!

    We have a back and forth that feels a bit forced and interview like, I'm afraid to admit.

    Eventually we get to a wide open space with some trees. We are totally isolated here. But I can't really see a way to kiss her. She's always moving - to throw a stick to the dog or play with the dog. The dog is basically the focus.

    Eventually she climbs a tree out of nowhere. Then a few minutes later, I do the same. This is probably the literal 'high' point of the date - both of us climbing trees in utter isolation.

    Things get a bit worse after this - she begins texting a friend and takes a phone call.

    I decide to roll the dice again by sitting down on a bench. She does not join me! The dog joins me on the bench. I am able to touch the dog without any effort. *shakes head* If only it could be so simple with humans!

    The idea that's something is rotten in Denmark continues when she asks me if I'm 'cold' and asks me if I'm okay because all she's doing is playing with the dog.

    I get the feeling she is totally oblivious to the fact I might have intentions towards her, even though she is doing absolutely everything to evade giving me a chance to act on them. It's a weird one. She was wearing make up and looked a bit more glamorous than when she'd first me. She must know I'm a male human being. I just wonder what I'm supposed to do? Be more direct or something?

    She asks me twice within quick succession what I'm doing this weekend, and I don't have a great answer for that (and the fact she asked me twice was a bit concerning).

    Finally, I have one final decent conversation piece (asking her to compare her personality to her siblings) and she initiates it ending quite suddenly by putting her mask on to go into a shop.

    We say our goodbyes, and unlike last time there is not an enthusiastic, 'this was great! Let's do this again!' I cannot imagine that going through her mind. Instead, I guess she thinks 'he didn't seem to enjoy that much. That was a bit boring.' :(

    So that was that. I blame myself but it might have been a lack of chemistry thing as well. Even if I was the most 'on' I can ever be, there is no guarantee that things would have worked out better. Could I have gone for a kiss? Not without at least touching her first and I couldn't even find a decent window to do that.

    So yeah, most of this week I have been listening to Billy Joel songs and upbeat hip hop with the feeling I am living my own little romantic comedy. Today, reality smashed that idea out of my mind.

    However, there is a chance I will go out with approach 4 this weekend. I can only hope things go better with her.
     
  12. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Good points. I can see the necessity to take a step away at times.
     
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  13. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, I'm not planning to make this my whole life. I am just focused on the challenge: 100 cold approaches. After it's done, it will recede in importance. I just know I have to finish it, for better or worse. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
     
  14. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your post, Drich. It sounds like you can relate to some points of experience I have shared throughout the challenge. I guess that in a way, there is this automatic level of mutual understanding when you hear a guy talk about his experiences of doing cold approaches because you deeply know how brutal this stuff can be... It's not that we know each other, but we both have been in the 'trenches', so there's that degree of understanding each other in a way that is different how you relate with guys who have never done any cold approaches.
     
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  15. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Soo....

    A few hours after the 'date' with approach 18, I received a message saying she is not interested in 'anything else' and is just friendly by nature.

    I was scared I hadn't expressed my intentions, but clearly she had picked up a few signals.

    So that's that folks.

    Today, date 2! Approach 4.

    This one was hard to organize. She cancelled about 3 times and so did I. It looked like it was just never going to happen and finally, it did today.

    We grabbed a coffee and sat by the river. I felt bad about Friday's 'date' where I spent too much time thinking 'when should I touch?' so this time, I just focused on the convo and tried my best to make it fun. It was! We have a lot in common (lived abroad/going back to study/interest in history). I thought about touching her hand a few times, but it was freezing cold and it just didn't quite feel right.

    The only physical interaction was an elbow bump at the very end.

    I would like to go out with her again and then I really WILL have to act lest I be put permanently in the friend zone.

    I also approached a few gals in the supermarket.

    It's mother's day tomorrow and I was looking at the card section. I genuinely did need to buy something for this, it wasn't just some elaborate ruse to try and hit on girls (that would be truly sociopathic).

    I see a girl with a load of mother's day gifts I say, 'excuse me, where are the mother's day cards?'
    'They're over there.'
    'It looks like you have a lot of mother's day gifts' (I say, observing her basket full of things and even a mother's day balloon). She says nothing.

    I walked around. 5 minutes later I see her again.
    'I still can't find the mother's day cards.'
    'I don't know.'

    Clearly, her panties weren't exactly dripping wet from this 'lost in the supermarket looking for mother's day cards' routine. And she wasn't keen on any further engagement.

    Later, I see a pair of girls also in the mother's day cards section.
    'There aren't any mother's day cards are there?'
    'No. They're all gone'
    'I guess I could just buy a happy birthday card and hope she doesn't notice.'
    This gets a big laugh, but they turn around and aren't into engagement beyond this.


    I approached like 3 other people and had similar chats, as well as a woman outside where I enquired about her shopping bag and told her I needed a mother's day gift and the shops were closed yadda yadda yadda. But none of these got personal and I'm not going to count them. I actually feel this outside chat had the chance for me to make it personal if I pushed to a different topic but I chickened out cos I wasn't in the mood for it. If anything, this one should count the most since I kept it going a bit longer but I wasn't really attracted to her. I'm going to count this whole mother's day thing as 2 total.

    25/100

    That's right. I feel like with me at the exact quarter point of the challenge, this is a good moment for me to stop and take stock. I see this a bit like the MCU - Phase 1 complete. I've gotten 2 dates and pushed myself hard as hell.

    One of the dates has led to a definitive rejection while one has the potential for a further date and hopefully some escalation on my part.
     
    Last edited: Mar 13, 2021
  16. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on hitting one fourth, @Kowe. 25 approaches is truly a landmark. You are getting more momentum but like you mentioned, it's not bad to take a break now and then. Let the intensity of this process settle. Your brain will absorb the experience and new neural pathways will be formed. From this point you will feel that approaching is still very hard, but I guess that shooting the breeze with random girls isn't something that is associated with unbridled fear anymore - especially now that you have had 2 dates from it (pretty good leads man).

    :emoji_joy:

    Did approaches myself. I think more than 8, I'm not really counting anymore. Like you said, it recedes in importance.

    I did some openings in the mall, coffee shop, streets and grocery store. I could dissect them one by one and some of them went really good but the psychological confetti that a good chat and exchange of number entail has made place for a mindset that is more indifferent in nature - I think that's a good thing. I realize that numbers aren't that valuable as I initially thought they were.

    I also went to a bar with some local dudes. I saw 2 cute chicks sitting somewhere and I thought "F@#k it, I'm just going to approach them by myself and open up."

    It was something playful like "Excuse me, are you Scandinavian?" because one of the girls had blond hair and blue eyes (one of the most beautiful girls I have talked to), something you don't see often where I'm currently at. This is not the type of question I'd use in a casual daytime setting but it worked great and the chat went personal and playful very quickly. Besides, all this daygaming has really increased my confidence and charisma. But I also guess I was lucky that the girls were open and responsive to the fact that I was initiating a conversation.

    So yeah, the challenge has basically brought me to a position I could only dream of in the past, i.e. having the tools to open up with girls in different venues and being able to overcome the psychological hurdles that this endeavor encompasses.
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2021
  17. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    Although I am on hiatus now and 'phase 2' of the challenge has not officially begun, I did make one cold approach today.

    It was great weather and there were hotties everywhere. I just couldn't help myself when I saw one girl sat alone reading a book. I had been actively looking forward to trying the 'excuse me, is that a good book?' opener.

    I go, 'excuse me...'
    She continues reading and apparently has not heard me. I say 'excuse me' again and she does not look up to acknowledge me. Some people on a bench nearby turn around and look at me.

    I just awkwardly sit there and a few minutes later just dive in with a bit more authority,
    'Excuse me, is that a good book?'
    'I don't know, I'm on page 4.'
    'Right. I've been trying to read more. Usually I just read fiction. I have a lot of books on my kindle'
    'Oh no. I don't like the kindle.'
    'Yeah, in many ways paper books are better I mean the smell, the feel but kindle has some good points like you can highlight passages.'
    'Yeah'
    'That would have helped me a lot when I was a university student. I studied English literature and it would take me forever to go back and find the places I highlighted.'
    'Right'
    'It's a great day today.'
    'Yeah'
    'It's good to be back in ______. I grew up here.'
    'Right'
    'So, what's that book about?'
    'It's alternate history. It's not usually my thing but it was a gift.'
    'Oh that's cool. I like that stuff like 'what if this country won the war type stuff.' (felt weird saying the word 'nazis' in front of a stranger or for some reason or sounding like I actively want that...paranoid basically)
    'Yeah' (she didn't look into this line of conversation)
    'I recently read this book called Mockingbird. It's by this guy called Walter Tevis. He also wrote The Queen's Gambit. That big Netflix series.'
    'Right'
    'So uh...why don't you like kindle?'
    'I don't like it but if I had it one I'd have more space in my room.'
    'Good point' (weird thing to say) 'Anyway....have a good day!' (I get up to leave). She kept going back to read her book and wasn't super interested in the chat. And I didn't want to make her feel trapped there OR deal with the indignity of her leaving.

    Lots wrong with my rambling here. But these are the things I said. I cannot believe with all the knowledge I have of literature that I struggled to talk about books I like or even to ask her what kind of books she likes. It seems so obvious now, but my mind draws huge blanks due to the pressure of the situation. I brought up Mockingbird but why the fuck didn't I mention the plot or the fact it is a kind of dystopian novel? Probably cos I got the vibe she wouldn't be into that and hoped she would know the Queen's Gambit. God I don't know.

    26/100
     
    Last edited: Mar 16, 2021
    StoicContemplation likes this.
  18. GA93JDeereboy

    GA93JDeereboy Fapstronaut

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    well, give yourself credit,
    You made an approach, although it wasn’t that smooth or went as well as you wanted you still went with it and tried.
    I may soon be posting some of my approaches here! Or may make me a thread as well. Hmmm
    But really, good job I’d say. Keep going!
     
  19. Kowe

    Kowe Fapstronaut

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    So today was the beginning of phase 2.

    And it did not go well.

    I kept on finding decent targets and optics for approaching, but then backing out and making lame excuses like 'she wasn't hot enough actually' or 'there are too many people around' or 'my opener wasn't good enough.'

    I did make one approach at the start of the day.

    It went a bit like this:

    'Excuse me, do you know if there's a place I can buy a new smart phone screen here?'
    'Yeah but I don't know if it's open'
    'Yeah. I just broke my screen'
    'Oh no! What phone is it?'
    'It's a Motorola'
    'Yeah. I don't know. There are lots of shops here like ___ and ___ near ____'
    'Yeah. I've just moved back to the area'
    'Yeah'
    'Well thank you'
    'That's fine. Bye!'

    I was so cucked during this interaction. I did it super half-heartedly and I guess it's better I did it than not but I cannot seem to get the negativity about cold approach out of my head.

    I guess because I got some numbers but they went nowhere. But so what? It's better you did that than not.

    And you know what other important lessons you learned? You learned that these 'perfect' matches are really not so! You met one woman who was super similar to you on the travel side and even studies at the same university...you got ONEitis almost immediately, you dumb fuck!

    Then you met another super into Shakespeare and literature...you got Oneitis again! You need to stop this lame cucked way of thinking about women (that's actually a brainwashing from movies and love songs) and realise that these perfect matches are not that! And you know what that means? Maybe the approaches you back off because the girls are too hot or not nerd type enough for you are actually better matches for you since you know, girls aren't necessarily looking for the male version of them.

    So just take more risks and get out there you moron!

    27/100
     
  20. StoicContemplation

    StoicContemplation Fapstronaut

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    For the sake of brainstorming and training my mind into thinking of possible things to say in a certain situation:

    A follow-up question where you'd inquire about her phone:

    "What type of phone do you have? Instead of fixing my screen I might as well buy a new one."

    You can then ramble about your phone:

    "I have this Motorola now for __ years. I like the camera quality but I don't like the battery. It happens a lot that my phone dies in the middle of a phone call. Are you satisfied with the battery quality of your phone?"

    Subsequently dropping bait in the hope that she will inquire about these pieces of information:

    "When I lived in ____, I had a phone of brand ____. I really liked it but it's a bit harder to find it here."

    "I'm not too fond of smartphones, but it's indispensable for my job/project."

    "Having a smartphone is useful for travelling. I bought it before visiting ____."

    Or if the situation allows it, something playful, in a sarcastic way:

    "Having a flawless smartphone is really important for me you see. I just made a TikTok account and I aspire to become an influencer."

    "I shouldn't have donated my last savings to Scientology now that I could use it for a new screen."
     

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