1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

I hate pornography because I love it

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by JohnPaulGeorgeRingo, Mar 19, 2021.

  1. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    190
    769
    93
    They say that spiritual transformation is one of the pathways out of addiction, so I am going to have faith that this thread adds value and clarity to people in the moment and across time.

    I have been trying, and failing, to get clean from PMO for over 3 years now, and only now do I finally have the problem that has been tripping me up for years defined.

    The reason for why this is such a process, is because PMO in many ways is what we know best and what we are most familiar with. And what do we do when we feel uncomfortable? Well, if we are living in a state of fear and of pain, we want to go to that which is familiar for comfort.

    So, it's been no use convincing me that I have to hate something that for so long I have loved. Hate is a real waste of energy as far as I am concerned, and while it can be motivating at times - I think in the long run that energy would be better served and redirected to invest in yourself in a loving nurturing way.

    Basically, my a-ha moment has come at the expense of many 'wasted' years, and that is not a bad thing - that's wisdom.

    But wisdom that isn't embodied and practiced, is wasted. And I have a responsibility to be true to my word by sharing this with the world.

    In sum, I will not move forward with my journey of recovery so long as I am trying to convince myself that I hate something that has given me pleasure for so long. That sustains a cycle of shame and regret which can spiral downward and is ultimately not the most effective use of my time and energy.

    If I feel that pull going forward, I will remind myself that by being aware of it, and tuning into what my real immediate needs are in that moment - I can not waste excess time or energy trying to convince myself of something that is ultimately impossible. That PMO doesn't bring pleasure - of course it does, but it does so at a cost. And that cost, that is when I will realize that it is time always to reinvest in myself. But most especially when I feel that pull back to PMO.

    Looking forward to an interesting thread.
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  2. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

    624
    852
    93
    I have a hard time saying it gives "pleasure" just because when I compare it to any other activity that I actually enjoy doing, the feeling isn't the same at all. All P really gives is a rush of adrenaline and anxiety. And even then, I can think of another thing I enjoyed that produced adrenaline and anxiety, but it wasn't in the same negative way.
     
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo likes this.
  3. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    190
    769
    93
    I like the way that you have shifted your perspective on it. Was that a shift that happened to you gradually as you've progressed along your journey?

    I think the sad truth, is that in my head I've convinced myself that the adrenaline and anxiety is pleasure, but yes it still has a negative effect overall.
     
  4. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

    624
    852
    93
    I first got introduced to that way of thinking by some of Allen Carr's work on addiction to smoking/drinking. What really helped to solidify it were my last few relapses. They were the most insane cases of having this massive craving and then 0 pleasure when acted upon.
     
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo likes this.
  5. I hate pornography because I love it

    "I hate myself because I love pornography"
    There, fixed it.
     
    Help me out plz@19 likes this.
  6. Marcus Aurelius

    Marcus Aurelius Fapstronaut

    1,121
    1,964
    143
    I do think that porn gives pleasure and actually an intense amount of pleasure. If you're single like me, there's really nothing else to compare it to. However, it is also true that that pleasure is short-lived and it doesn't lead to fulfillment. It does the opposite. It leaves you feeling empty and, for those of us who are addicted, it distracts us from the things that do lead to fulfillment and often cripples our pursuit of them.

    I don't think there's any area of my life where I am as divided as I am on pornography. I love it and I hate it. That's just reality.
     
  7. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    190
    769
    93
    This shift has got to happen this time around. There is no other time then right now to get past the pull of the addiction.

    Sometimes, all it takes is coming to a community of people going through the same thing and reaching out and saying - hey, I’m really struggling here.

    But then you keep writing for a little while longer, and start thinking about how it’s actually a good thing that you opted to come to this community instead of back to another tab that’s got god knows what on it.

    that’s another thing that I’ve been feeling / that we are going to need to find better ways of using this energy. And to reclaim what we’ve been giving away far far too cheaply.
     
    Luke4213 likes this.
  8. Luke4213

    Luke4213 Fapstronaut

    21
    13
    3
    You couldn’t have said it better man. I return to porn because it’s so familiar and quick and simple. It’s been in my life since I was a teenager and now I’m 26 and it’s still the most consistent thing in my life. I’ll take your words to heart because I’ve tried the whole make myself hate it thing and quite honestly it’s laughable when I lie to myself. I’ve always loved porn. When I was in high school and had pimples and was a little bit fat and no girls wanted a thing to do with me porn was there. When I got out in the real world and took my first job as a fireman and things were tough my rookie year and I was living far from home and didn’t have any friends around, porn was right there with open arms. But now I’m in a place where Even though I love it it’s time to end this relationship because it’s taken it’s toll and I know I can do better for my life and rejoin the real world. I really liked your post man. If you wanna talk let me know!
     
  9. Luke4213

    Luke4213 Fapstronaut

    21
    13
    3
    My resolve has to be stronger as well man. I can’t hide anymore and just hope I kick the habit one day I have to actively seek change day in and day out. I have to become the man I know I can be and get back to life. I hope you have a good night man. Stay strong!
     
  10. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    190
    769
    93
    I cannot go back. I know what waits for me there, and I am not going to give it the satisfaction of crawling back to it. That side of me that always just wants to degrade myself and hold me back from what could be. I know that this is going to be like growing up all over again, there is going to be a lot to navigate without this in my life anymore. But, it will still be a lot better than just resigning myself to this addiction that WILL NEVER FULFILL ME.
     
    Candun likes this.
  11. Must be Something In The Way She Moves...heh heh...

    JK - you almost got a week bra, keep going. You will get it.
     
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo likes this.
  12. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    190
    769
    93
    This addiction just feels totally impossible to move away from - but it must be done. That is the only way out. I think that my seed has been dug deep enough into the ground now.

    Now, is the time to start growing.
     
    Candun likes this.
  13. Well, it's obviously not impossible to make this change.

    Just be willing to suffer as it happens.
     
    Candun and JohnPaulGeorgeRingo like this.
  14. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    190
    769
    93
    Willing to suffer? I clearly am when I think about how long I’ve been keeping myself in this cycle of addiction.

    One week clean today
     
    Candun likes this.
  15. When ruminating, you suffer? Believe me, I know.

    But that's not a "good" kind of suffering, it's bad, even though it's hard to resist.

    A good suffering is avoiding PMO today, letting the body ramp up the serotonin instead
    of the dreaded dopamine.

    Other ways to suffer in good ways is to eliminate sugar, through fitness,
    through studying useful things, and cleaning your area.

    Get 'er done, YO!
     
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo and Candun like this.
  16. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

    190
    769
    93
    Pornography is a terrible thing. It gets to children before they even know what sex even is. It gets to young men and women before they even know who they are.
     
    Wolf01 likes this.

Share This Page