40 DAYS

Best way to say it is that I convinced myself that I could get back to where I was if I simply decided to do it. But I didn't want to do it. Additionally, I did not have any accountability set up on NoFap - and that was not a good move.

I now have a weekly meeting, face to face, with brothers that know my weakness.

I'm not in a place where I can hide easily. I check in with one of the guys from my weekly group over phone every day - with honesty.

 

DAY 57

Standing strong. I had a dream that I had had sex with a woman that I know. It was not an active dream but I had a memory in the dream of being with her. (I have not been with her in real life).

I bring this into the light because it has been my first dream related to sex since I started this recent no PMO run.

 

DAY 67

Update - so far, so good.

I've been keeping up with cold showers and exercise daily. This causes me to challenge myself daily to get beyond my desire for comfort.

Also - keeping up with my weekly support group. We meet in person and it's helping with accountability.

 

DAY 70
I wanted to check in.

I'm amazed at the transformation in my self confidence with no PMO. I'm able to talk with attractive women and not feel shame because my mind would be objectifying them.

There is a certain detachment that gives me much more freedom when I have a conversation. I can also spend more time talking to a woman that is not that attractive - seeing more of her value internally and not feeling like I need to move on towards someone more attractive.

The freedom is so well worth it.

 

DAY 72

Had a challenge last night but I got through it. No desire for porn, but could not sleep, and had some desire for masturbation. I got through without giving in. Kept thinking of the big picture.

I used to use masturbation as a sleeping pill. Those days are done.

 

Good job on your day counter! Keep it up

 

Thanks

Thanks!

 

DAY 81

Confidence is high! Literally.

Feeling better than ever, at the same time not letting my guard down for a second.

Truly - there is freedom when we persevere. PMO is slavery. You don't know how bound you are until you taste true freedom.

PEACE

 

DAY 83
Getting closer to 90 day milestone. 1 week away.

My mental reaction to a trigger has become automatic- if I have a thought, I say internally, "NO - NOT AN OPTION".

The thought stops and the development of it ceases as I "address the stress" of what is causing my limbic brain to suggest pmo as an option.

I am truly appreciating the freedom. Confidence is high, but I recognize my vulnerability.

I became most vulnerable after I have accomplished something and feel entitled to reward myself. I could hit 90 days and feel like I deserve pmo.

In bringing this into the light now.

 

Thank you for the post.

Full asceticism can be easier for me in many ways, but dangerous at the same time. If I don't realize how to integrate and balance healthy pleasure than I let the slightest healthy pleasure lead into an avalanche of relapse. Never good.

I've got to pray it through and think it through. Appreciate the validation.

 

It's the initial reaction that's key to victory. Many small battles.

 

DAY 87

Again, confidence is high. I'm finding that the social anxiety that rattled me has all but disappeared. It feels great. I would have difficulty with new people, wondering what they thought of me and now it's gone.