Escort challenge

I am very tempted to go back next week.

Nothing. NOTHING is better than the feeling in that moment. Sure it does not last long. But I keep telling myself it's worth it just to shut my brain off for a few moments.

 

It’s not traumatic for everyone, i think for me it’s a traumatic stain on my life/past.

 

Gotta say, it is a stain for anyone that succumbed to the temptation to pay for sex.
Trouble is, for some of us, mostly those who have been at it for a long period of their lives, we struggle to see that stain, to find the guilt - to acknowledge the error and thus resist a repeat.
This is the case for anyone battling regular temptation to visit escorts or to act out in any other form that gives them a thrill.
I think writing (or reading) about it here and facing up to the fact that it is not doing you any good is a great step forward in recovery.

 

Been very tempted myself. Went through a period of 2-3 years where I frequented a few escorts, mostly it was AMP, but when I calculated how much I spent and the number of faceless women I been with it was a traumatic realization. I still have strong urges, but now I see more of the reality to the situation than before. I guess I see pass the vile that addiction puts on the situation. Now it is harder to ignore that I am paying for a mediocre sex act from a woman that probably finds me repulsive.

 

Ok, I joined this thread because I obviously have a problem. Right now I'm focusing more on porn because that's where it all starts.
I have been seeing hookers for years. I even had them worked into my weekly budget.
I see them and I get totally turned on. (Not all of them, of course) it's like a "thing" with me.
I also know in order to change EVERYTHING about my compulsive behavior has to change!
One of my jobs has me driving down in an area lined with them! That's gonna be interesting. No way to avoid the area.

 

One thing I don’t like is passing some place that brings back bad memories. Anyways yes it’s possible, just start with a goal, like no pmo or escorts for a week, then progress from their. You got this!

 

Very true when I drive by any establishment that I had frequent, I can't help but glance over to see if it is open. No intention to go in but still have to check.

 

Sounds great, I want to join as well.

 

My recent actions are bizarre to say the least.

I have a fresh and exciting sex life with my wife. I do not need to use a condom. I am aroused by her and can bring her to orgasm. She has a nice body, smooth legs and natural chest.

Why am I paying for sex? Why do I watch other's having sex?

It makes no sense.

 

@Veritech it could be a few things. Needing some sort of extra buzz. A bigger dopamine high.

There’s also that feeling of needing a sense of danger. You might get caught. I dunno. I used to do it when I was in a relationship and have no real interest now I’m single. Mine was needing that high as I very rarely had space/time alone so would go wild when I had the chance. Bonkers stuff tbh.

 

Just dropped a post on another thread and thought i might adapt it for this one...
I think it's been pretty widely written that addictions don't ever really disappear completely, we just learn to manage them better. Temptation is always going to emerge from simple triggers to things that pick up on behaviours you may have stopped doing years before.
Even as I write this post I'm fighting off the temptation to click across to a P channel and give my dopamine system a hit. I keep getting lured into checking the diary to see if there is a window when I might be able to act out. I used to talk about "Temptation Tuesdays" as if it was a pre-ordained certainty that I would act out on those days - it took me a while to realise that this was a trick my addicted brain was playing to ensure I DID act out on Tuesdays when the house was empty.

Suggestion: Take a look at how confident you are to beat your addiction however far off that goal might be. Are you cautious of complacency? Do you fear that you might slip up? These thoughts give power to your addicted brain. If your dialogue is more resistant, more positive in tone then that will disallow a narrative that gives breath to the wrong behaviours.
Best wishes to all

 

Slipped up recently and caused myself a great deal of unnecessary suffering.

I accidentally found myself in a dangerous situation.

I have had a few near misses in the past (hotel room staff knocking/neighbours commenting) and this was a level beyond that.

I cannot do this anymore. And what is wrong with me that I will risk everything just for a few moments of pleasure?

It's some deep insecurity.

In the moments where I am going through with it, I am convinced that it's the only option for a mentally ill loser like myself. There probably is some truth to that thought. I do NOT always have the energy to change.

But...it's a horrible solution that causes far more pain than pleasure overall.

I want to write this here as a message to myself. I AM NEVER GOING TO DO THIS AGAIN.

 

Afternoon all

I hope everyone is ok. @Kowe maybe this is your ‘rock bottom’ moment where you never ever want to go back to that place where you could potentially lose everything.

I posted the below in my journal this week and thought it may be useful to add to the conversation.

“I Went and saw that girl again yesterday. It was interesting. I had a good think/mental debate with myself about things in the car driving over about Escorts and why I’m genuinely not interested in seeing anymore as a single guy, yet while I was in a relationship I was using them, whether it was calling/txting or actually going to see them to get off. I had a real good think and I think I came to the conclusion that because I am a bit of a loner and a massive introvert, being in a relationship like that where I very rarely had my own space or regular free time kinda felt quite ‘disciplined’ in that I felt the need to get huge instant highs in the short periods when I was free/alone. This meant doing incredibly stupid and downright dangerous acts. I just don’t NEED to do it now as I have all the time to myself. That kinda begs the next question as to whether I am just happy to be alone? I don’t know. Still figuring that one out tbh”

I think that was my truth. Everyone is different and every situation people find themselves in is different but for me, I think that will be my biggest take away now and also my biggest obstacle should I meet someone else. Can I deal with not always having my own space and how do I not act out if I’m struggling with issues with regards to been in a relationship.

 

How so if you don't mind me asking?

 

Please guys I find myself thinking about ex’s. Girls I know I really don’t anything serious with even tho I want to have sex with them sometimes which I know is my mind trying to trick me into loosing my confidence. I need help guys

 

For the guys above, think about it this way. Your willing to part hard earned cash on the most basic of instant gratifications. Yes, beforehand there is a buzz and excitement but once the deed is done you know you’ll be feeling lower than ever.

Don’t feed your addiction

 

Just spitballing here Kowe, I've seen you comment on some other threads too. Do you think you're addicted to the external validation of attention from women? You talk in other posts a lot about cold approaching women in the hope of getting dates and sex. Maybe a good step would be to completely take a few months away from women to work on yourself before getting back out there?

 

Maybe I am trying to work on myself by putting myself in difficult/stressful social situations.

Although a date or sex is nice, I'm okay with just knowing I faced my fear and conquered it.

 

No worries mate. We are all in the same boat. We are all here for the same reasons. It’s about helping and supporting each other.