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I need hope.....

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by jayyad, Mar 23, 2021.

  1. jayyad

    jayyad Fapstronaut

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    Im 19 years old, about to be 20, I started watching porn at 11, I never watched regular porn, went straight to lesbian, some regular porn here and there but it was mostly lesbian. I watched porn pretty religiously till I was 16/17. I took a break at 17, got back into it during the quarantine. If I'm being honest I did watch some kinky stuff in those 8 years of porn use. Bondage, and some things around that category.

    When I turned 19, I realized im done with this bullshit and tried quitting, I couldn't though, I would relapse to images now, going through Reddit and just all this stupid shit. Eventually met a girl, and I could get hard pretty easily with her around. Went 2 months everything was good, had never done anything past hooking up though. One day though out of nowhere my libido just fucking died, I did relapse 120 days ago to a picture of her, im guessing thats when my libido died. Im not sure though could have been dead before that to I just didnt realize, cause I was still having a little trouble maintaining an erection around her.

    These past 120 days have been hell, she wants to do more but I fucking cant. Im in love with this girl dont get me wrong, I have to keep making excuses but I cant keep dragging her down with me. Its been 120 days and I have no urge to masturbate, no urge to look at porn, photos, even girls in bikinis on Instagram have no effect on me. I truly am losing my mind here. Does anyone have any experience with this? Its not just dead libido, its fatigue, I can sleep 12 hours a day, I have no motivation to do anything AT ALL. I workout every day though and I am very healthy. Im getting desperate at this point, anyone have experience and in a similar situation like mine? Havent watched porn for a while, and only relapsed to masturbation once in the past 6 months.
     
  2. Mulab5239

    Mulab5239 Fapstronaut

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    keep going man, Porn got you in this situation it is surely not going to help you. Maybe pick the religion back up for hope. i hope you succeed!
     
    Lovelife247 likes this.
  3. JohnPaulGeorgeRingo

    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo Fapstronaut

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    First of all - 6 months is really an incredible achievement.

    I think that for you to have hope - you need to have a vision of things being better. Just think about the life ahead of you and how great you can make it!
     
    Aspect_16 likes this.
  4. Candun

    Candun Fapstronaut

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    If you are able to, it might not be a bad idea to go see a doctor and make sure there is no other underlying thing causing or amplifying the issue. What you described sounds serious.
     
    JohnPaulGeorgeRingo likes this.
  5. stillsmile

    stillsmile Fapstronaut

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    Thankyou for sharing what you are going through I know it can be hard. May I ask what your sexual experience is up to this point?
    I suffered something similar as I was growing up and it was largely due to anxiety. I felt like I had to pretend to be confident even though I was incredibly nervous. For me, honesty is the best policy, being open about what you are feeling and suffer with can remove a lot of the anxiety around sex. The pressure to perform can be so great that it can overwhelm the situation and snowball from there. Maybe talk to her about it, explain how you are feeling.
    I hope that helps in someway
     
  6. Inloverber

    Inloverber Fapstronaut

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    Keep pushing yourself man. It is hard at first but just keep on going on.
     

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