The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Please demote me to orc.

I have let the evils of arrogance, conceit and hypocrisy into my heart. The Fellowship could not survive this and the quest failed.

But, I promise to pick up the ring and destroy it for good.

I will follow the rules I set for myself and not think that I am better than other addicts. We may differ in superficial ways but at our core we are all the same. To beat this disease we each need to deal with the underlying causes of our addiction, otherwise freedom from porn is only a temporary mirage.

My Achilles heel is sexual fantasies. These predate my porn addiction and something I have been hesitant to give up. Fantasies allow me to have private world where I can right the perceived wrongs of the real world. I need to figure out an alternative way of dealing with negative emotions otherwise it will keep dragging me into the gutter.

Thanks for listening. Comments and advice welcomed.

 

I’m in! I’m on day 4

 

Some of the negative emotions are better than others and you might need their help temporarily to get through to the positive ones.

 

253 days the stairs of Cirith Ungol
327 days no PMO, semen retention

 

I am not sure I understand what you are trying to say. Do you have an example that might help?

 

Thanks to @RiseToGreatness and everyone here, your comments are always wonderfully encouraging.

I just went to confession and I am hopeful now.

I woke up around 2 or 3 with the stupid fantasy fixed in my head. A smutty poem occurred to me and I just had to write it down. Then it was a several-hours' porn binge.

I went to bed too late again, drank again. Didn't exercise. Procrastinated my work. There's really no mystery here. I was reflecting a few minutes ago on my drive home from church and it occurred to me that I've been living for pleasure, maybe out of some fear of hardship. It further occurred to me that even legitimate pleasures become torment if they're not rewards or counter-balances to hard work. I need to listen less to my own desires (hedonistic ones, that is) and seek God's will for each day.

I was happier when I was more disciplined.

Edit: and since I want to be happier again, I have to be more disciplined again.

 

Daily checking.

You have my sword.

St. Augustine of Hipo, pray for us.

 

Checking in Day 6. Headaches are still here but not as bad.

 

Day 12,

Snow and some urges today. My intention is to be more passive in the realm of what I do not control. To accept things as they are, to be patient, and when said patience has been exhausted, move on, "rinse and repeat." Time, motivation, and effort are all weird things in my book. So much personal energy is invested in these categories and to expect anything in return is silly since the choice to commit those resources is yours alone. Learning to be more conservative with these items may lessen the stressors that piggy-back on unmet expectations.

Thanks again fellowship for your critical support!

 

Today's hard but manageable, just like yesterday and the day before.

I realize most people here are men but women are here too, might be cool to include us in your post Thanks for the support!

 

I mean that if you are feeling depression, powerlessness and shame than even anger,blame and discouragement are better options to temporary step on to get out from the rock bottom.Follow your gut to get out of negative feelings pit.

 

All right! Many thanks.

 

Day 3

 

@Onan the Barbarian and @Strugglingforyears we're with you brothers. We will get there!

 

248 days

 

Day 5 complete!

@bob200 It'd be far more embarrassing if you were to give up entirely and allow this addiction to re-consume your life. We're proud of you! Ultimately the streak counter is a mere tool anyway.

@Onan the Barbarian I only turned 21 recently, so I've only had a handful of legal drinks in my life, but it's been my experience that even one can make it much harder to keep the urges away. The devil prowls about like a lion waiting to devour us! It doesn't matter how well placed the stones of the castle wall are; if we take out the mortar, they're going to crumble easily.

Have you heard of the Serenity Prayer? It sounds quite similiar to the sentiment you're expressing at the beginning of this post.

 

Day 4 checkin (Attempt 3): - Orc

 

Day 5