porn sometimes covers huge pain

Last year there was a period of my life while I could not think everybody but porn. In the first moments of the day was porn until the end of the day but then I was a very very hard addict... and there were another reason, too
in February 2014, my best friend told me that he was dying /I had knewn about his illness but everybody thought he would recover and be healthy soon/... it shocked me so much and the whole world totally turned inside out... I faced that I will loose him and of death: I felt so much pain I can't write and I was a very odd state of mind for weeks...
this state of mind turned into another one state of mind: my porn addiction was stronger then ever. After work I rushed into the hospital to visit him and after that I went home and wanted to forget everything and I jumped into hours of hard virtual pleasures.
I hated myself of course, my friend's days were counted but I was thinking of porn. I felt so selfish but that what the only thing what made me feel that I was alive.
days went by and I could talk less and less with my friend and one day he got into coma and were totally unconciousness and we could not talk anymore. After 3 weeks suffering in the hospital he died.
That was a very great pain... and for months I spent my days with porn in order to try to kill my pain.
I was so angry myself but I could not stop watching porn in that period. I don't want to say any good to porn but I can say that in those days maybe it saved me from being total crazy. :/
now I have been crystal clean for 24 days

 

I am so sorry for your loss . To live your life to the fullest is the best gift you could give your friend.