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Recovery when you dont care about yourself?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by cleaningupmyact, May 16, 2020.

  1. cleaningupmyact

    cleaningupmyact Fapstronaut

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    My big challenge with recovery is that when I feel OK with goals and stuff I can stay focused and no-PMO is fine.

    But then I get in these h-u-g-e slumps / sinks in emotion where I just dont care about me *at all* Its not just motivation, I just dont care about me.

    It's *so* hard not to give in to PMO at that time..cause goals, theory, tools, all go out the window.

    Im seeing a therapist but this is a really old problem, Im sure its pretty common too.

    What do you guys do when you get the IDGAF moods?
     
    Sovereign Soul and fredisthebes like this.
  2. fredisthebes

    fredisthebes Fapstronaut

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    Following this thread with interest, as this is a huge problem for me in many areas of my life. How do I improve myself when I don't feel like I deserve to improve?
     
    JoeinMD and Upwards2020 like this.
  3. Exactly what I struggle with as well. When you feel like a piece of shit, there doesn't seem to be a reason not to fap. This is why I tell people to try to do one thing a day that you're proud of.
     
    JoeinMD likes this.
  4. Awedouble

    Awedouble Fapstronaut

    This is why accountability and some kind of social network for it is important - and no, just being on the forum doesn't automatically qualify.

    I want to be clear there's also a difference between accountability partnership and a real actual community. Whether you get APs through the forum or a paid arrangement, why should you care about that? That's what it comes down to, people in a community actually care - they may not care about themselves at times but they may care about the other people in the group.

    If you look at how most posts are written it implies this do it yourself mentality, that's the opposite of a community dynamic. Paying for a professional services makes you a little bit invested, but the bottom line is you can't pay for people to care. This is both the reason why volunteer based organizations work and don't work. People get a sense they are cared about since it is voluntary, but then again that may only go so far.

    I think one thing is for sure, you gotta get involved and not expect there to be an existing solution already formed that you can just plug in to.
     
    fredisthebes likes this.
  5. Sovereign Soul

    Sovereign Soul Fapstronaut

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    I can definitely relate to that. It is so tempting to indulge in all sorts of vices when you don't even care about yourself anymore BUT do you really think PMO or those vices will make you feel better? and I feel I don't mean the immediate gratification you get. What about the shame, regret and overall lethargy that will come back? Do you really want that when you're at your lowest?

    I try to visualize it as if I'm punching myself down when I really need to lift myself up. The world is already a hard enough place, life is already a bit shitty, why would I add more to that? On the upside, getting a streak going can be an action that results in a positive-feedback loop. E.g. getting on a good 10-day streak going can make me feel like I'm not so hopeless and that I have the potential to exercise self-control, giving me a little confidence in doing trying other things that are good for me (e.g. meditation, exercise, learning a new skill). Nofap can be a stepping stone when you're at your lowest. Hope that made sense.
     
    fredisthebes and Upwards2020 like this.
  6. cleaningupmyact

    cleaningupmyact Fapstronaut

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    thanks, it does help a bit.
    sigh...hating myself so much right now. Trying to improve and it's just...so...hard. so isolating.
    I don't have anyone I can talk to about this disgusting vice. I tried telling my therapist (a woman) and she never looked at me the same.

    "How's...that...uh, going...?" she'd ask. No clue what we deal with or how to respond.

    I have so much trauma to unpack and no way to do it. I feel trapped, and I just hate myself more and more.

    I really feel for the abuse of women in the industry and in general, and hate myself for contributing to it (via consumption). but also, is it just me or do people not acknowledge what we go through as men? This is a living hell.
     
  7. Upwards2020

    Upwards2020 Fapstronaut

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    This is an issue I have and effects any sort of motivation to actually sustain NoFap... What is the point...

    I improve myself on many other things that I like to do... I workout , try to look after my health here and there I focus on new skills with the resources and time I have . But when it comes to NoFap what ...... improve by what... stop watching porn to do what .....
     

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