A narcist mom and my fading optimism

You will never be free until you limit or remove this person from your life. And once you do, things can get much better.

There are a ton of resources for narcissist child survivors these days. Please prioritize your freedom and remove the shame, guilt, and toxicity these people put on us. The first step is creating space, getting away (glad you don't live with them).

It's hard for us survivors to understand the sociopath mind (and that's a good thing). The answer is, it's both. Child abusers (emotional / psychological and otherwise) think their abuse = love. To them it's the exact same thing. No wonder we are always confused as sh*t. I recommend getting out of the mindset of "what do they really feel?" "What do they really mean?"
Cause it doesn't f*king matter. They're an abusive, manipulative person that harms you. End of story. Get away.

 

Hey be a man and tell her that you make your own decisions. It's your life man. Don't pussy out. Lover her but also don't let her get to your head, if she is being negative.

 

Hey bro I know how you feel, my father is a narcissistic and my mother is an enabler. I've delt with depression, anxiety, and all kinds of shit my whole life, but I only recently found out the cause was my parents. I always knew my parents were bad people but I never looked deeper into how that was affecting me, until a few months ago where I finally woke up and saw all the stuff they've done to me and continue to do. After realizing what my parents were I started to distance myself from them. Unfortunately I can't move out just yet, but I've gotten to a point where their negative energy doesn't have the same effect as it did in my younger years. I have never felt so good in my life, sure I get stressed out having to live with them but I can't tell you how happy I've been, and I've definitely been seeing improvements on my streaks, I've been feeling more in control and less stress than when I was still under my parents influence. I'm still trying to unlearn what my parents hammered into my head, im still insecure, im still angry at them, but at least im making important no matter how slow I go its better than being still. I think you should cut your mom from your life. As mean, or ungrateful as that sounds its the only thing that will ensure she doesn't make you miserable anymore, because narcissistic do not change.. ever. And they don't care about their victims.. so stop being a victim anymore be a survivor, and don't let her pull you back in later, cause my parents tried to do that to me and my siblings, I didn't go with it but my siblings did, now they living the same miserable life they wanted to get away from, and they don't even want to admit it.

 

Before I say anything else, I urge you to seek professional therapy. You should not have to deal with this on your own.

First of all, it doesn't matter if your mom is a narcissist or not - you are clearly being emotionally abused. But if you are truly dealing with a narcissist, you need to understand that their ability to experience love or empathy is severely limited. I just recently found out that my dad is a narcissist, and I recognize now that he never understood or cared about my emotions. He only cared about himself and would use me and my brother as pawns for his selfish goals.

What is important to understand is that your mom has probably suffered severe childhood trauma (you might already know about this) and her rage and attacks against others are a mechanism that was created in response to this trauma. Her abusive behavior is how she defends her ego from feelings of emotional vulnerability. She cannot control it and it isn't her fault. None of this makes her a bad person, just a damaged person. Going back to my dad's case, his father was a neglectful alchoholic who died very early, and his mother was toxic and abusive. It all makes perfect sense when you think about it for a second.

Now, you should not feel obligated to call her or talk to her if she keeps abusing you. I recommend that you set healthy boundaries by letting her know that you will no longer talk to her if she continues to behave like this. Perhaps you could make a rule where if you have to remind her of her abusive behavior more than once in a call, you will hang up. You deserve respect and should not have to put up with any of this toxic behavior.

You also need to understand that she will probably never change, and will never accept that her behavior is wrong. A narcissist would sooner jump over the moon before they sincerely admit they are wrong or apologize. If you tell her how you feel about the way she treats you, and she responds with "you're too sensitive," or "I'm just looking out for you," or plays the victim, or makes it all about her, then you are probably dealing with a narcissistic parent.

Seriously, get some resources and get educated. And the best way to do that is through professional counselling.