How do you get to know girls?

Hi guys,
i just realized that nothing is changing in the situation with women for me. I am exactly where i was 1, 2, 3,... years ago, which is i know 0 girls, i have never had sex (other than with prostitutes), no kiss, nothing. the last time i talked to a girl outside of family was 3 years ago and it was basically because she had no other choice (we knew eachother from school and ran into eachother). What can i do?

• I don't drink/do drugs, so i don't like bars and really hate clubs and partys. (it's closed now anyways...)
  
  
• I don't get to know any girls in college, because there are like 10% girls in my major and of those very few are attractive. but even if they were, i wouldn't be able to start a conversation with them or anything, and even if i were it's all online now
  
  
• I don't have a lot of friends. I mean i have some friends, but i am not in like a "cool gang" where women are around all the time and get passed around.
  
  
• It's suggested a lot to join clubs and do your hobbies in clubs and get to know women there, but my hobbies are not something that interest girls at all, so...
  
  
• i have tried dating apps, but it's just a horrible experience. I get some matches and even some decent ones, but the problem is that they obviously have 30 matches a day (even if they are average or below) and so it doesn't make any sense to even try it there, because they always answer with <2 words (if at all) and i feel like a homeless dude asking for change after 1 week of being on the app and i uninstall it again. i went through this cycle 4-5 times in the last 2 years.

So the only thing that i could do would be cold approaching in the city or something, but i can't do that. First of all again, some people are probably hysterical if you talk to them because of the "pandemic" and second i've tried and told myself i can do cold approach for years now and i was never able to overcome that crippling fear i get. i think i'm ready to let go of that thought now.

So how do i actually do it? Does anyone have a suggestion? I really try to stay positive and normally i am optimistic, but i think it's time to realize that nothing will change on this front, if i don't act in some way and from my current perspective there is simply nothing i can do. I think some girls might actually like me if i ever got to talk to some of them, but it NEVER happens, literally. Obviously girls don't initiate anything and i don't know how to do it without being perceived as a weirdo "asking for change", so literally nothing happens, ever.

So i need to be rational now and see if there is anything that i can do and otherwise i will just have to let it go and stick to hookers every couple of months or just never have sex at all, if i can stay that disciplined...

 

I'm doing this. i'm now getting my degree then a nice job hopefully, i'm actually very ambitious. I work out too, read a lot, etc. It's not that i am unattractive, i think i am actually fairly attractive. The problem is that i never come in contact with any girls, like at all.

It also doesn't help that i recently moved to a new city, where i don't know anybody... Imagine this: you spawn in a random city, you don't know anybody. How do you get to know girls, or anybody for that matter?? I literally have no clue. I guess if you "chase excellence" and make a few $100 million, people will invite you into their circles and women obviously orbit around you too, but first that's probably going to take 20 years to get there and second that would be kind of the same deal as the hooker-thing...

I've been working on the confidence thing for a long time, read a lot of books, tried affirmations and stuff (still doing it) and guided meditations. Idk if it works sometimes i think it did a little bit, sometimes i think it didn't... And i didn't mean that my hobbies are unattractive to women, but that girls are not interested in them, so they won't be in a club or whatever, therefore i can't meet them there.

 

I don't understand what you mean... could you elaborate?

 

It's funny you say that, i think this every time i finish a book, i feel like it doesn't help me (anymore), but then i look for a new book and i don't know what else to read hahah, but you're right i will definitely read something else next.

Hmmm i don't know if it's the culture of where i am living (everybody is kind of uptight when it comes to strangers), people don't really talk to eachother here. so since nobody else does it, it makes it kind of weird to just start a conversation, i honestly have no idea how someone would react if i just said something... but i will try to start doing small things, maybe ask for directions or something and then take it from there.

but another (maybe mental) problem i have with "cold approach" is that i often think that girls don't want to talk to strangers... I mean from a girl's perspective: They literally can install an app on their phone and browse through thousands of dudes and pick one that they want. It's not even funny, whatever they are looking for they can just make it happen like when i order a pizza online or something. Again i feel like a homeless dude asking for change, because they seem so not interested and i wouldn't want to approach or get approached by strangers either, if i had 50 hot chicks begging to meet me every day. Do you know what i mean?

I know that i am "a better deal" than most dudes, but i'm sure there is someone taller, better looking, more money, more muscles, etc..... on tinder that they can have, so why would they even meet me. This thought cripples me and the problem is that it is a rational thought so i can't really convince myself of the opposite.

thanks for your advice

 

I know all that, but unless you are justin bieber or some ball player, women will never approach you, right? so even if you are super happy and successful, you need to make the first step in some way, which i have no clue how to do. I could win the lottery today and drive around in a lamborghini, but women still just don't come up to you. and again the kind of women you attract with expensive stuff are not what i'm looking for... probably sticking to prostitutes woudl be cheaper in that case