Asexual after one year without pmo

Hi all! I always had a small penis, and this was a complex for me, that's why I didn't even start my sexual life. I masturbated quite often for 5 years, about 4-5 times a week. I started at the age of 14 and left at about 19. I noticed then that I had erection problems, I don't even think I would have been able to put a condom on sexual intercourse. I thought then that it must be because of masturbation, so I gave it up. It's been almost a year and a half since I left her easier with masturbation. 3 months of nofap passed, then I did it a few times less often and from time to time, but not in porn. Or I watched porn before, but very rarely to test my sexual desires, because I had noticed that they were completely gone. I had no desire to have sex or look at pictures of women, nor did women attract me. I had simply become asexual. In time, I didn't even have morning erections. I had a dead penis all the time. I could only masturbate if I pulled in such a way as to rub it. I masturbated twice these days, I thought I might feel like it, but after I ejaculate, I feel like a vegetable. I feel that I simply have no desire for life, no joy and no purpose for which to live. Not to mention I'm tired. And this only from a single ejaculation, no matter how long, it can be a month or two. It's abnormal, because if I had a girlfriend I would have to have regular sex, and I wouldn't be able to give her any orgasm, and if I had an orgasm I would have to recover for a week. What do you recommend me to do? It's a very crazy job. If I knew this was going to happen, I wouldn't have started it, but I don't think it has anything to do with it. I can barely rest at night and I always ask myself the same question. What if I am helpless or will ever heal?

 

yes, it was in during lockdown.
Thanks for advice, man. I think too, but I don't see any way to escape from this shit in my life. I don't have any hapiness from life. I can't feel good, I'm tired of all this shit. Sometimes I wish to die.