I AM DIGGING MY OWN GRAVE WITH PORN ADDICTION... JERKING OFF TO PORN WHILE MY FIANCÉE SLEEPS NEXT ME

Hey buddie,
first of all - kudos for your honesty. Must have been hard to deal with this all by yourself. You can be proud of yourself to share this with the community.

Jeez...I don't know what to say. It's gonna be hard. You need to minimize all the possible situations in which you could be triggered. Given the information that must be pretty much everything.
Don't use social media - at least do not follow accounts where you could possibly see "sexy" material. Limit your phone time to two or three times a day for 10 or 15 minutes. Just to check important messages or business related stuff.

We are talking complete stealth mode here. As you already stated - your reward circuit is completely fucked up. You are doing your best when you try to be around other people as often as you can. Study groups, gym groups, don't allow yourself (for the first few days) to be alone.

You have to build an environment for yourself where it gets near to impossible for you to F. Guessing from your explanation, right now you built yourself an environment where you can pretty much F everytime you want. That shit needs to change.

Also, try to use questions that you ask yourself when you feel the urge. I will give you some which I use frequently when I am feeling depressed, lost or just having the urge.

You have to load these answers with energy. Which means that you don't just answer them with one sentence, but be as brutal as you can. The fear of the possible outcome when not stopping to F must be bigger than the payoff you get for doing it.

Our brain constantly tries to avoid pain and always wants to feel good. That is why it's so hard to stop when you are triggered. What you have to understand is, that it's just emotions. When you build your awareness for that, it get's a lot easier because you understand that you are not your emotions.

1) What means it for my relationship when I F now? How will my fianceé react if she finds out?
2) How will my life look like in 10 years when I don't stop? -> be merciless when describing.
3) What do I miss in my life when I optimize everything just to F?
4) Who else will benefit when I defeat this addiction and why?
5) What did I experience in my life that I need to use F as an escape?
6) What have I done in my life which gives me the strength to believe I can stop F?
7) Why am I feeling so empty inside that I need to fill this void with F?

On top of that you talked about an accountability group or partner. I guess everyone's happy helping you out here. If you want we can connect here on this forum or change phone numbers in a PM, just let me know.

Much love and all the grit you need.

 

Hey bro..
May God bless you in your journey. .
Don't loss heart.
You got an amazing fiance dont lose her because of ur addiction.
Break your addiction and you can do it.
Stay connected to this platform.
You were able acheive a lot by this age so if you were able to focus and spend your energy in correct way how blessed you become in future.
Make good accountability group here.you are not alone in this journey. Don't loose your heart.Be faithful to God and your fiance.


All the best

 

You have taken a big step coming here so you need to make sure you stay here.
Listen man you are in a bad way right now and even though you feel very driven right your brain is going to seriously mess with you. It’s going to be a straight battle.. So when you read this next time you log on do yourself a favor. Favorite/bookmark NoFap so every time you open your phone you see and remember it. There is something you should also come to terms with right away. I say this with nothing but a good will for you. This is going to be a life long healing process for you.
Now please just hold that sentence and think on it for awhile....


Porn is a symptom. Not a cause. As you start this path your going to uncover the true reasons why you feel the need to so deeply escape into porn. And it’s going to almost certainly mean you dealing with whatever trauma(s) that have happened to you.

Brother let me tell you 90 days is the start of walking the road, not the end. With your honesty and the hundreds of stories and accounts I’ve seen here you need to first focus on just crawling in the right direction. All respect to you in that. So hitting just one day at a time is going to be big for you. The chances of you getting 90 days in 1 try are very very slim and I’m not hating on you. I’m giving you realistic expectations here so you can manage if/when a relapse hits you. So you don’t disappear from here for months at a time if it happens. Bouncing back is critical to long term success at this. It’s taken you years to get to this point so be ok with the idea that this might be just as long and a difficult road back to remove all the poison in your mind.

I look forward to seeing your progress because if you stay with it I promise you it gets easier and life gets better. But win your first small battle, 1 day.

 

Have you tried to eliminate all triggers and literally, physically restricting yourself from it? Why is your phone or computer in your bed? Watch the nofap movie in my signature below, maybe it will scare you to death and you will stop it

 

There's a book called "Atomic habits" that really helped me understand addiction and how it works, it gives solutions to the problems your going through, procrastination, relapsing, lack of will power ect, it also gives you advice on how to change, what changing yourself truly means, and what kind of change you should aspire to, in order to succeed, I highly recommend you pick it up cause it gives you a brand new perspective that I Haven't been able to find anywhere else. I also recommend "12 rules for life" by Jordan peterson, it doesn't focus on addiction but it talks about it, and i think it does a good job of it. My advice to you would be to find your trigger, what, where or gives you urges to turn to porn, for example- I have identified 3 triggers for me, my bed, my family, and school. Everytime I used to stay in bed too late I would relapse sometimes even looking at my bed would give me urges. This is because my bed is the only place I jerk it on,.Everytime I am around my family I would get urges, my family specifically my dad played a big role in my porn addiction,everytime I'm around them I feel shitty and I start thinking about porn.School (specifically my highschool) was a trigger and not just for porn it was also the reason I overate. I found out about these triggers when I was reading a post on a forum but I got deeper into it after reading that book "Atomic habits". I was able to find ways to deal with these triggers, for my bed I started limiting my time there and I also made it hard to see from my study area, for my family I decided to find out why I feel the way I feel about them and I found out my dad was a huge narcissist, my mother was an enabler, my sister was like my dad , and my other sister was manipulative asf, so I decided to slowly cut them off from my life, with school I graduated so I didn't have to worry about that anymore and when I did I was able to lose weight and I started making some results in my addiction recovery.

 

Welcome, we are here for you.
It seems you know a lot and do many healthy things, I will suggest going to a doctor and maybe prescribe you an ansiolitic for a couple months to help you with the battle. Just a suggestion it might help.

 

Hmmm... Your addiction seems severe. I would suggest you tell your addiction to to your fiance. Then leave all your responsibilities behind and go to some forest / mountain or any place where there is no internet(like your village) , leave all your devices behind. Stay there for three months , enjoy the nature , focus on self improvement. This path is certain ,and will free you from porn in the fastest way. The other path , where you are surrounded by this sexually society , you need extreme will power , focus to quit this addiction and this is not a certain path either , you can become more addicted and may take long time. You are already earning , have settled in your life and I suppose you would able to survive 3 months in an isolated place rather than suffering for years. If I was in your shoes I would definitely do that , unfortunately I am 16 year old , who goes to school.

 

School can be a nice way to get social and therefore make things easier for yourself.
When I was 15 I did my first 3 months pmo free. Socializing in school helped me immensely. But yes, you need will power too. It's the most important self-discipline one can have for nofap

 

I don't know if anyone already told you this- but tell your fiancé about this,maybe not now, but when you feel ready, she'll 100% support you and help you in ways you could never imagine,and it helps your relationship in trust as well,you can wait till you're comfortable with it,but it'll surely help