I lost my life and cant get it back

Oh, wow! Thanks so much for this! You've really opened my eyes! What a revelation! [Too much?]

 

I think honestly you need to forgive yourself. If it was as simple as feeling guilt for sin you would have felt that way about watching pornography in the first place. You allowed yourself to reach a level where you violated yourself in the worst way and mentally scarred yourself. Not saying seeking god isn’t the right thing to do but we tend to seek god mostly when we are in times of great distress and not so much when we feel everything is good. God has already forgiven you but the more you obsess over what happened the more power you are giving it. You need to realize the mistake disassociate it from you as a person and start rebuilding the life you wanted before. It is the only solution. If there was a mind eraser or time machine available believe me I’d be right there with you fixing my mistakes.

 

Yes, I think it's enough, thanks for pointing out.

 

You are not your actions. While horrible and shattering as it may have been this was only a small moment in your life. You are making it a larger and larger moment the more you obsess. You went against your standards and your beleifs and feel like a degenerate which only really shows you actually aren’t one otherwise you wouldn’t feel so bad. The devil is telling you to keep feeling the way you feel so now you just have to choose god(forgiveness and change) or the devil(wallow in self pity and loathing)

 

Ok let's address the issue step by step. First step, tell me what fetishes did you actually carried out and are ashamed of ? Go in detail, let it all out. No judgments here.

 

Exactly the devils goal in all this was to destroy you and make you feel like a sub-human. He may have one a small battle but he won’t win the war. Bury him and bury your transgressions because that’s where they belong god doesn’t say I will save you and make your sins more bareable. He washes them away and makes you a better new person. Go take your life back it’s yours and you deserve the good one god wants for you.

 

You answered the solution to your own problem here. Your beliefs, well change them and leave past where it belongs, in the past. Every moment is an opportunity to become what you could be and about STDs bro get yourself checked. And common you had gay sex so what. A lot of straight girls have lesbian sex at least once so what, and even some guys. But now get over it and become the person you wanna be. Make the rest of your life the best of your life. Live strong and enjoy every moment.

 

.

 

I do. Sadly I feel like I cannot offer further advice beyond what others have given. Roady especially is worth listening to, he really knows what he's talking about!

 

Look up the tikkun hakali or pm me for a link. It’s a Jewish prayer recitation and I’m not Jewish but it’s helped me a lot with guilt. It brings some peace

 

Very glad to hear you seem to be feeling better.

 

Thats great to hear. Keep it up.