35 and Older Accountability Group

Thursday check-in. No triggers for 4 days now.

 

Checking in. Feeling much better today after a few days of a cold. No major triggers, and happy that I managed some difficult relational moments without being tempted to use PMO to cope. Continuing to work on embracing difficult emotions, and letting them be part of my experience.

 

Just a regular check-in. No major urges or life stressors, just business as usual but I feel good and focused. We'll see how I do when life's real tests come up, but in the meantime I think living right on the good days will hopefully result in benefits in the long run.

 

Checking in.

Happy Easter everyone.

 

Checking in. The sickness lingers but I hope I'm past the point where it totally sucks my energy and I can get back to the more active parts of my self-care. Had some vivid triggering dreams last night, but thankfully fatherhood didn't give me any time to dwell on them and I'm feeling solid now. Happy Friday everyone.

 

Weak and weary but that's expected.

 

Happy to report 8 days completed.

I do feel triggered by someone we hung out with last night, and in addition I had a bad night of sleep because my daughter woke up multiple times.

A very noticeable trigger combined with being tired is just the perfect set up for a relapse. Of course, being aware of this is the first step, and I am making a plan for the next couple of days to focus my energy (or what is left of it) on more productive endeavors while also taking care of myself.

 

Just checking in...the streak continues despite some stress recently so I'm feeling happy

 

Finally first week down.

 

I need to internalize a script when I feel like I just don't care.

"I may not care right now, but I'll care tommorow."

 

Hi there just checking in !

Happy Easter !

 

Checking in..

 

Checking in. I've been really digging the Universal Man podcasts lately. Might not be for everyone but his take on PMO and masculinity in general really resonates with me. One of the things he speaks about that I've been working on is learning how to actually feel your inherent self worth, not just understand it intellectually. Yesterday something clicked for me in that regard. Whenever I think about my son, my chest gets warm, and I can feel my unconditional love for him in my body. It's not intellectual, its visceral. There is nothing he could do to change my love for him; it is not centered on his actions but on the simple fact that he exists. That is how I should--and can--feel about myself. And yesterday I did; I slowed down, tuned into myself, and allowed myself to see myself as I see my son, and my chest warmed.
For a long, long time I sought to quit PMO out of a sense of shame and guilt. Now I feel like the better way is to act out of self love. My actions and behaviors either affirm or deny my inherent self worth, but my inherent self worth is always here, unconditionally. The more I learn to align my thoughts and behaviors with honoring that fact, the greater man I can be.

 

Have a good streak going but starting to feel the motivation to 'live life well' fading a little. Doesn't help that my daughter has been waking up multiple times in 3 out of the last 4 nights, when I'm tired my motivation always fades. But in general regardless of fatigue my motivation always fades a little after 1-2 weeks. The deep shame, disgust, and regret that I feel immediately after a relapse from once again not being able to control myself is starting to become a little more muted around this time.

Usually around this time I start with some gateway behaviors. Slacking at work, a bit more mindless browsing, more tv, generally less focus. I will do my best to avoid all of this and stay intentional and focused. Time block my day with specific tasks spelled out while also not being too hard on myself, because after all, a lack of sleep is a very real drag on willpower and productivity.

 

checking in... have been slacking a bit lately with public journaling but inspiring to read all your stories.

 

Finally released after 99 days, I couldn't take the urges anymore, didn't watch porn just images in my mind, trouble is I did masturbate so I'm asking @artifact does this count as a reset? Thanks

 

Quick check in, 7 weeks and broaching 50 days today .