What made you relapse?

Insomnia of all things. I was laying in bed one night having completed 30 days - I had a cold, couldn't sleep and while it wasn't a full-blown session, it just seemed like the natural thing to do to help me relax.

However, it was over so quickly I started to question whether I was now too sensitive, and whether "real sex" would be over in seconds. I got scared of premature ejaculation and used it to justify a whole evening of porn about a week later - which was so over the top and lasted so long I ended up with a badly swollen foreskin!

 

That's interesting. So if the porn you look at is of your wife, does it still effect your performance with her? (Sorry to go off topic)

 

The days when I don't have any tasks are the most dangerous ones. When I'm bored and don't know what to do with all that time. Noone else there to talk to and go out with. Today was such a day. When I started to google for hot pics I knew it was the worst I could do. So I forced myself to close the browser and immediately took a cold shower. After that, I did a workout. So far it helped, and I'm once more impressed by the relapse potential of lazy Sundays.

I had thoughts like "just a little more arousal won't hurt".

 

The thing that gets me is having actual interaction with a woman. Whether on Skype or in real life. The fact that she does what I say do or vice versa triggers me tremendously. I'm now more or less tired and done with watching porn videos where I jack to lifeless pixels on a screen. Why would I want to watch other people do it when I'm capable of doing it myself with an actual woman? Or why would I give such a valuable part of my self (my semen) to something that isnt even alive? It's pretty pathetic when you think about it.

 

A great link from yourbrainonporn about the reasons we tell ourselves we are relapsing, and that it is either OK to relapse or inevitable. I think somewhere along the way I told myself every one of them.


http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/45-lies-your-mind-uses-keep-you-addicted