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How do you get to know girls?

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ndotto, Mar 29, 2021.

  1. I mean...Women are passed around? Like... Passed around? That's not a healthy way of looking at things. Sure, there are females that ''pass themselves around'', but it's not that often actually.
     
    CarP likes this.
  2. ndotto

    ndotto Fapstronaut

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    oh, sorry. i'm not a native speaker and sometimes i pick up phrases and use them in the wrong way, i wasn't aware that this was a negative expression. i just meant that some people get a girlfriend or whatever through friends circle and when they break up they go to the next one, so the guys and girls "rotate around" idk how to say it
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  3. Ooooh, okay, my bad. Have a good day.
     
  4. niceDude228

    niceDude228 New Fapstronaut

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    Dude, just stay positive, that helps a lot. Don't be afraid to smile. Coffee shops, cafes, clothing stores, grocery stores, anywhere. All it takes is a nice smile and a compliment. Just remember the rule, the more times you here "No", the closer you will get to "Yes". There is more women than men in this world so everyone can find one, lol.
    Like for real, don't push it hard on yourself. Just don't masturbate, it will boost your confidence. Stand straight, make a nice haircut, maybe grow some beard(short one), work on your style. You have to like yourself first, after that, people around will like you as well.

    If you like dogs, get one, walk with the dog in the park and you will get attention from the ladies, that's 100%. F*ck Covid, forget about it, just smile and stay positive. Oh yeah, if you see any girl pretty often and you like her, buy her flowers, just randomly. Even if she won't agree to go on a date with you after that, doesn't matter. Just make her smile.
    Good luck!
     
    CarP and ndotto like this.
  5. ndotto

    ndotto Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your advice. Smile & make a compliment. Sounds logical and looks good in my imagination, but idk if i can do it to be honest. Maybe it really is the place where i live, i have no clue how women here would react to it, but i have a feeling 99% of them wouldn't know how to deal with that kind of approach, especially if you're not 100% confident and did it 10'000 times before... Have you ever done this? and what happened? and btw what kind of compliment do you suggest? I've tried before to just smile at women, when they look at me, but most of the time a woman looks at me she looks away instantly when i look back.

    Maybe when i have a nice streak i could do it, but the problem is that after 10 days or so i get so horny and frustrated, that i relapse. but i will give my best this streak, i got pissed off when i relapsed last time and broke my old phone (the one i write prostitutes and watch porn with) in two pieces hahah

    and i like dogs, but i can't get one, i don't have enough time in the next couple of years and a dog is a 10-15 year commitment... but i will definitely get one when i retire
     
  6. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Reading the op made me sad that this exists in the world. So we have that in common.
     
  7. I agree with the pandemic point. Of course, you can still try to do cold-approach or actively look for women, but the time for that is not optimal. Right now it's the best time to work on yourself. This way after the pandemic ends, you will come out a better person.

    If we are talking about normal times: I think the best idea is to put yourself out there and amp up the social life you already have. You don't need to join any clubs. You said you have a few friends? Why not organize a quick trip somewhere? Start living a fun, exciting life with other people. This way more people will naturally join. A friend will bring a friend of his, then all of you can meet up for something else etc.
     
    Oliver Gunter likes this.
  8. ndotto

    ndotto Fapstronaut

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    that what exists in the world?

    yeah i could do that, but my friends are kind of loners too, so they probably won't bring anyone, let alone girls. the bigger problem is though that i moved recently and i am now around a 2 hour car drive away from them. but yes maybe on the weekend, i could do that. thanks!
     
  9. Then you need at least a few friends in your current location. Then by all means - go to all the events, clubs, random parties, ask people from work to spend some time together. Be overly available. When you have a solid base - at least 2-3 friends with whom you can easily hang out with - then growing your social circle will be easy.
    Also, don't get discouraged if you will be always organising everything in the beginning. That's how it works.
    Wishing you all the best!
     
  10. ndotto

    ndotto Fapstronaut

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    you mean going alone to parties/clubs? it was already painful if i was there with friends and i felt like an idiot because i don't drink, but alone... sounds really painful to me. And i don't have a job. i'm a student and everything is online atm. So that's my problem, i know i need to socialize somehow, but i have no idea what to do. It just feels like torture going somewhere alone and then not talking to anyone and looking like a weirdo.

    Maybe i need to try alcohol. let's be real, the majority of guys would never get laid without alcohol either, i see it in my social circle. the problem is I just really don't like it and i don't like losing control over myself...
     
  11. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    You just have to get outta your head with that mentality that if you're out alone somewhere that you're a loser. That's just irrational self consciousness. Get and be comfortable being out by yourself and doing things. Take a book with you that you like reading. That will give you something to do when you're at a coffee shop or a bar by yourself. You'll just look like a guy out reading a book. Learn to make smalltalk with people; cashiers, bartenders, wait staff, random patrons. Be confident, be humorous. If you can make people laugh or get in more in depth conversations, even better.
     
    modern milarepa likes this.
  12. brassknucks

    brassknucks Fapstronaut

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    I am finding I'll be doing more things alone because I recently realized that I need to cut out douchebag losers outta my life.
     
  13. niceDude228

    niceDude228 New Fapstronaut

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    Compliment should be as natural as possible, like just regular :"You are beautiful" is enough. What really matters is the way you say it. It should sound as if you are just saying that the weather is nice today. See what I mean? Just show the girl that this is exactly what you mean. It doesn't even have to continue with something else. Just learn to do these simple small things. Trust me, this will make the girl smile, it will make her day little better.

    Literally where I live, sometimes I go to one of the supermarkets and there is a nice girl working there. I don't plan to date her or smth but she is cute and I just wanted to make her smile. One day I just gave her a compliment and wished a nice day. Another one I bought flowers and after I paid for it (she works at the cash register) I gave it to her. That's it. It's already year passed and she is always smiling to me and greets me. It's as simple as that.

    p.s. as for the relapse, uhhh I just did it myself, feel angry but gonna start another streak which will be way better for sure.
     
  14. PanteriMauzer

    PanteriMauzer Fapstronaut

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    I know girls by......just leaving my house everyday
     
    brassknucks likes this.
  15. ndotto

    ndotto Fapstronaut

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    Okay guys, thank you very much for all your answers. i thought about every piece of advice and i think i will (once the weather is warmer) go and try to talk to people no matter how small the interaction. I thought about talking to dog owners because i love dogs and know a little bit about them. And i will also try to just smile at girls and say hi and then look how they react and then i ask them about directions to some place to "defuse the situation".

    i think that's my biggest problem, that i am just so afraid of that inital reaction and that they are completely pissed at me and so if i just say hi, i can later still safe myself by asking for directions (i.e. having an excuse for talking to her), and maybe later on if i am comfortable i can try to start a real conversation that way, if she smiles back and looks happy about my "approach". i'll just try to take babysteps and make progress, even if it's a little, still beats no progress at all.
     
  16. PeterGrip

    PeterGrip Fapstronaut

    I'll just put my 2 cents on meeting women on dating apps here.
    Most women challenge you like crazy on there. I have had a conversation like you are talking about, where the girl responds, but she does so with half a sentence, or simple yes/no, and I actually ended up having a date with her. You really have to stay persistent. Another girl was just throwing so much shit my way (like she straight up told me "you think you're funny, but you're not"), but I was able to dominate her in the chat, calmed her down and set up a date. You HAVE to realize that they are challenging you. You get a response, that means you are not rejected. If she doesn't care about you, she's going to ignore you or unmatch you. As a man, you have to lead the way! Show initiative, and tell her you want her! Of course there's a whole science on how to communicate that, and there's no way I'm a master, but I do recognize your problems, I've had the same thoughts, and yet I've managed.
     
  17. ndotto

    ndotto Fapstronaut

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    You're right, that you could meet some girls there if you were very persistent, BUT if someone is not interested in me, i really don't want to meet them tbh. i rather just stay at home and chill, because isn't it a bit awkward if you almost have to beg her to come out? i imagine she then expects you to entertain her like a jester too.

    i would like to meet someone that appreciates the effort i put in and also shows some interest even if it's little, but maybe that is already asking for too much. the problem is that there is such a huge power difference between men and women my age (early twenties). if you don't take every inconvenience away from the situation for her (i.e. ask her out 10 times, keep the conversation going even though she contributes nothing,...), then she's just going to say "whatever, i have 1000 other dudes in my inbox". So as a dude you have 0 leverage, because you have 2-3 matches a week(IF you are a 7 or above lookswise), an average (or even below average) woman has 200-300 matches easily.

    maybe i have a big ego idk, but i feel like an idiot if i go after girls that show 0 interest and i rather stay alone in that case.
     
  18. PeterGrip

    PeterGrip Fapstronaut

    Online dating provides an easy platform to meet women. No matter what, you're going to have to work for it. Everyone knows how easy it is to swipe and message someone online. Of course there's going to be a discrepancy in the communication you're doing compared to meeting someone on the street, because the act of walking up to them shows character. You're going to have to do that with words instead. This should obviously not go on for the length of your relationship. And you should definitely not be begging when talking to these women online, but also, you cant expect pussy to randomly slip in under your door.
     
  19. Indiahel

    Indiahel Fapstronaut

    Smiling and giving compliments might be hard if you're not use to it. You cold practice with your friends and family. Customerservers are good practice too, just don't mind if they won't go out with you because they get asked out a lot. Once you get fluent in interacting with people asking girls out is not that hard. Make small steps towards it.
     
  20. ndotto

    ndotto Fapstronaut

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    I totally get where you're coming from and i know that as a dude you have to work for it, but i think it shouldn't be this way. I think ideally you are on par with the other person and both bring something to the table and appreciate eachother. I mean women have an equal desire for companionship, so theoretically it shouldn't be so much work to get to know someone, because it's in both persons interest. women don't want to be lonely either, maybe even more so then men, but they don't really have to worry about it, they have the luxury of choosing. So in reality it really takes a lot of work unfortunately... But i have to accept reality, i know that i can't change it.

    My problem is just that i hate to feel like, the other person thinks she is doing me a favor by spending time with me. And that is just generally speaking, not even specifically women. But probably i will have to ignore this bad feeling if i ever want to meet a woman i find remotely attractive, but i am not there yet as far as the desperation goes, maybe in a couple years...

    thanks man, this gives me some courage
     

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