I'm 16 and porn turned me into a gay exhibitionist

I feel relieved that I'm not the only one who went through that but at the same time I'm sorry for anyone who experienced it since it's something that is hard to communicate to people who are close to us in real life, and I also have my reasons to think it's something that scars you deeply. I wish for you to break out of it man, I feel you. About the therapy, I've heard not-so-good things about Betterhelp in the past, I might be wrong so take it with a grain of salt, and if it's helping you, keep going for it, but if the reason why you're not going to a specialized psychiatrist is because you're afraid of the judgment of your family, you're misguided. I know it's hard to talk about it, and I'm probably the last person who should lecture you about this, but, unless your family is close-mided and doesn't care for you as much as a healthy family would (which is something I would understand since, if I talked to my mother about this problem, being that she has always tended to belittle every one of my problems that I'd talk about to her, she wouldn't take me seriosly and would just say it's puberty or whatever), you should talk to them and just tell them you have a problem. It would not be an easy or a comfortable thing to do, that's for sure, but it would be a first step. But if you know as a fact that your family would judge you negatively for it then sure, I suppose you'd know better than me how to approach the situation, although, being an adult, if I were you I wouldn't bother myself with what they'd think and I'd just go to in-person therapy since it tends to be more effective and successful than other forms of mental support, but obviously I do not know you, nor your condition nor do I pretend to, so I am obviously not going to be the one to tell you what to do. Just thing about it though alright? Best of luck friend, stay strong.

 

I'm aware it is and I am trying to fix it.

 

that's a pretty weird question lol.

 

No, I know for sure that I am not a homosexual. I do not feel any romantic attraction towards people of the same sex, nor did I have sexual attraction for the opposite sex, which in my case is a compulsive behaviour (when relapsing I'll always start by watching girls to actully get me in the mood since people of the same sex don't arouse me sexually, then I'll start wanting to express my exhibition fetish, with people of the same sex being the bi-product of this process, since girls aren't interested in seeing d**ks on the internet). This fetish has started in the last months, as my addiction got worse. Being used to the "usual" hardcore material, my brain wanted something more, an interaction with others, which, since it couldn't express itself through real life sex, expressed itself through exhibition of sexual practice to other people in an attempt to gain the same dopamine rush it used to experience with the usage of the previous material.