Another wave of flatline in paws, but that's okay.

Hey everyone,

I hope you're all doing well. I haven't made a post in a short while, so I wanted to post an update. Hopefully it can help someone going through something similar to me.

156 days of no porn, 1 MO on day 72 with no porn, 3 wet dreams on my second streak, 1 being of a sexual nature. Currently standing at 84 days of semen retention.

Last Sunday I started getting hit with another wave in my flatline, with paws numerous array of symptoms.

It started off with flu like symptoms and until recently, I got hit with some pretty heavy fatigue. I even had to call in sick at work. I figured I would go for a short drive today, just to get some fresh air too, and boom got hit with some anxiety because my body is so tired. It's upsetting, it's annoying and it definitely feels like I'm stepping backwards. However, there is a silver lining in all this unpleasantness. I've recomposed myself quickly and I'm staying in bed and resting, I'm learning to deal with the symptoms as they appear.

I would be ignorant to believe that I'm going to be completely cured in such a short duration in comparison to the amount of time I had spent watching porn, edging and masturbating to run from various emotions and deal with boredom. On top of that my excess use of the internet, using the fantasy world in general to flee from dealing with emotions. I've damaged my brain and body for many years. Only recently, have I finally decided to face my emotions and feel as a person. A person who has woken up amidst the fog and devastation, of my own doing. It's only fitting that I am to be the one to suffer and go through these trials to reach a point of freedom and health. I cannot expect to go in a forest 1 000 000 steps deep and be capable of exiting with a few hundred.

We use the fantasy world to cope, from my mid teens and early 20's I was heavily addicted to video games, I switched that to youtube over a time in combination with more and more porn. Please, be mindful, do not switch a PMO addiction for another fantasy sphere, whether it be social media, video games or movie/tv show binges. What makes escaping the fantasy world difficult, is not only the symptoms we face during PAWS(post acute withdrawal symptoms) , but also the fact that we are emotionally immature. We have not learned to cope and deal with these emotions, only to cower and hide from them.

My friends, we need to stand firm and feel, no matter how overwhelming or endless it may feel in the moment, it's not. Nothing is permanent. Let the emotion pass like a cloud, be the silent observer and learn when there is room for learning, reframe your perspective of the various situations you will face, and grow from them. This is how one will truly, fully recover from addiction.


This is my goal.

Stay strong!