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My Journey to Happiness and Peace

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Blondewife, Mar 23, 2015.

  1. Trey

    Trey Fapstronaut

    Inspiring post and journal! Glad to hear your story.
     
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  2. Limeaid

    Limeaid Guest

    Absolutely everything crossed and sending baby vibes and prayers for you both that you get the outcome you want and deserve. Keep us posted.
     
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  3. Blondewife

    Blondewife Fapstronaut

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    We'll, I did it again. I'm sensing a theme here. I was positive that I was pregnant but the test is negative. Maybe next time.
     
  4. The Eleven

    The Eleven Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry to hear it, Blondewife. :(
     
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  5. DanVT

    DanVT Fapstronaut

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    *hugs* still might be too soon to show up on a test
     
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  6. 8BitsOfStuggling

    8BitsOfStuggling Fapstronaut

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    Hang in there, you would be surprised at the things that come when you don't look for them. My older sister, who is now 37, was told they were never going to have kids, that things were not correct in both of their fertilities to be able to conceive. They tried and tried and tried since they got married, to no avail. Finally they started to do foster care. Out of the blue 2 1/2 years ago she became pregnant and they have a little boy now. :)

    It is difficult for sure, but it is not impossible, even when it is "impossible." If you are religious, just remember God does crazy things!
     
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  7. Karma

    Karma Guest

    When you do become pregnant, which we all hope you will insha'Allah (God willing), I hope both you and Haggis can share this journey with us.
    Having children is one of those things I cautiously think about. I've learned so much from reading both of your journals (still reading, it's long!) I still have yet to read other couples stories too.
    Basically I want to get a decent grasp of the reality behind a married life. (I know reading and asking about it can only get me so far but it's probably better than diving in blindly).
    Both you and Haggis are quite the inspiration, I like how both of you encountered a problem, sat down together and worked out a solution to solve it, while expressing each others valuable opinions and concerns. Stealing that ^^.

    -K
     
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  8. Blondewife

    Blondewife Fapstronaut

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    Thank you all for your kind words. It ha been a very trying day so far. Haggis is at work and very busy so I haven't heard much from him today. That makes it hard to be feeling what I am but I know he is disappointed too. I got 13 hours of sleep last night which was desperately needed. I was ready to give up trying for children when I woke up this morning and thought God must be punishing me for my past. I will not give up though. We both desperately want a child and I will do what I need to do to try my hardest. I have already given up a couple bad habits I had formed and I have come so far (as has he). We will get through this like we have gotten through so much already.
     
  9. Hi Blondewife, and Haggis too! Long time no post.


    Sorry to hear that you are struggling with getting pregnant. My ex and I struggled with this as well. In her case I believe it was because she had type 1 diabetes. Since we had no money, we never went to the doctor to find out what was wrong. We used meditation instead. And even though it didn't work (because of, as I said before, an incurable disease I don't believe either of you have) it sure did help us become less anxious of the results and more trusting that our bodies could and would do what needed to be done.


    That's ultimately what I came here to say. Trust your body. Trust it to do what you want it to do. It you trust it, it will not fail you. Stress and anxiety release all kinds of stress hormones that can make it difficult to become pregnant. So trust your body and it will pull through for you.


    If you both are having trouble getting pregnant, either one of you, or both, might have energy blockages in your reproductive system. If you do it would usually manifest as being fearful, anxious and nervous. You might try meditation to open up your reproductive energy center. Focus on your reproductive organs and imagine that there is a big knot there. When you breathe in, the knot becomes loose, and when you breathe out it unravels. You could also visualize breathing in energy to the reproductive organ and breathing out chunks of debris or blockages. After you do this, imagine being pregnant and having a baby. If your problem has something to do with mix up energy fields down there, this should help everything come into balance.


    Anyway I'm hoping and praying that everything works out for both of you!
     
  10. That, and just allowing both of you to work through any suppressed emotions, such as the ones stated above, fear, anxiety etc...

    The key is to let yourselves feel every emotion in it's entirety. I'm a strong believer that all disease and discomforts in our body, including those trying for a child or even miscarriages are all related to the soul and unreleased emotions. Nothing happens in our body for no reason and on a soul level we are responsible for what goes in our body (even though that is a difficult pill for most people to swallow). What goes on in our own body is our own duty.

    @Buddha Punk Robot Monk is absolutely right. It's all energy/chakra related. Blocked energy/ unreleased emotions are all the cause for such things.
    Maybe just sit down together as a couple, be completely honest and open with each other and allow yourselves to work through any emotions that could be blocking the process of becoming pregnant. You may even have suppressed, unhealed emotions towards each other. The key is to just be utterly naked and open about these things as they can be huge energy blocks as well.

    I'd suggest to perhaps even see someone who specifically does energy work on the body. They can help locate the energy blocks in the body and what to do to release the blocks. This should be of great help too.

    I hope for the best for the two of you and have no doubts that once you do some energy work and process some emotions, the baby will come in no time.

    All the best.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 4, 2015
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  11. Blondewife

    Blondewife Fapstronaut

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    Thanks everyone for the support!

    Possible triggers.................... Please don't read if you trigger easily!




    I'm starting to feel better today now that the initial shock has worn off. I didn't feel well at all yesterday and could only go to work for an hour before going home. Haggis and I are doing great. I do still have moments where I have "negative thoughts" as I call them but they are getting fewer and fewer. We continue to have some sort of sexual contact every single day (sometimes multiple times a day). I am able to get him off with just my hand now which literally never happened in our entire relationship. The first time I was able to was last Saturday. That felt great- I can't stop fantasizing about doing it again. We have started taking sex a lot slower lately because if we do it like we used to, he only lasts about 10 seconds or 4 strokes. ;) We also figured out if I'm on top and I can tell that he is getting close, I just top moving for a second and give him time to recharge a bit. The sex is unbelievable.

    We talk now about everything- I try not to hold anything back (although at times I think I should because he can get a little defensive). We are having the last big group of people come over this weekend and I hope it goes better than last weekend. I am, by nature, a very sensitive soul and the way some of his friends treat me doesn't jive well with me. One in particular has made the comment that I " stole Haggis away". I'm sorry but I think he means Haggis grew up and no longer wants to engage in the stupid single man activities that very well could have killed him. Anywho- I will take it in stride and realize that this is his friend and I am not in control of what his friends say to me. I will cook dinner again for these people and just hope it goes well. At first, I said I would cook and leave him to be with his friends because I didn't want to go through that again but then I said fuck that! I'm not going to e run out of my own house. So that's where we are now!

    Stay strong everyone!
     
  12. Blondewife

    Blondewife Fapstronaut

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    One last thing for the night. Normally we get home and Haggis jumps on his phone or computer. We got home today an I started dinner. Haggis started to grab his phone and then said "you know what? I would much rather talk to you." Ahhhh! I love that! We didn't even talk about anything specific- just random talking. I love where we are headed!
     
  13. Blondewife

    Blondewife Fapstronaut

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    I always knew Haggis loved me but I don't know if I fully knew how much until tonight. I had a very dark conversation about my past with Haggis, as I've needed to do for a long time and he was there waiting with open arms. I have done some really terrible stuff in my past and some of them hurt him. After about 2 hours of crying my eyes out and getting all the ugliness out in the open, I truly feel I can heal. He made a wonderful analogy that I wanted to share. He helped me through some breathing exercises and said to breathe in and picture all the ugly stuff that I was feeling about myself. Every time I breathed out to picture it leaving my body. He said to picture a polluted ocean. Ugly trash everywhere. As time goes by (8-15 years in my case) new and clean water comes in and washes all the pollution away. He said all of the pollution has been washed away and all I am left with is clean, fresh, beautiful water. Haggis is right. As many of you have read my journal know, there are some ugly aspects to my life that I would like to forget. This is the first day to the rest of my life. I will no longer dwell on the ugly pollution, I will swim in the beautiful water and bask in it's newness, cleanness, and let it wash me clean. I have such a wonderful partner in life and sometimes don't know what I did I deserve him. We are no longer the people that we used to be and neither of us want to go back to that polluted place. @Haggis thank you.
     
  14. Blondewife

    Blondewife Fapstronaut

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    One last thought for the night because I will not want to get up in the morning if I don't go to bed ;) I think Haggis and I should renew our vows. I think we should go away for the weekend and have a private ceremony, just the two of us and a 2nd honeymoon. We have been through so much in the past couple years (we will be married 4 years in December) and our marriage didn't start out all that well. We can recommit ourselves to each other. I know this traditionally isn't done until years down the road but because we are both starting over, I can't imagine a better time.
     
  15. Haggis

    Haggis Fapstronaut

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    Beautiful, honey. Enjoy that clean water, you've earned it :)
     
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  16. Haggis

    Haggis Fapstronaut

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    Now is the perfect time. I love you babe.
     
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  17. Karma

    Karma Guest

    Damn ninjas cutting onions. *sniff*
     
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  18. Blondewife

    Blondewife Fapstronaut

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    Feeling a little anxious today after our chat last night but I know it had to be done. I know it hurt Haggis to draw up all that old stuff but if I didn't, it would have eaten me alive. We have this weekend to recharge and for the healing to continue to take place. I will be here for him, as I always will be, and he will be here for me. It's amazing to know how out relationship started out and where it is today. To be honest, I still do have feelings that he will leave me but I think that has a lot to do with my abandonment issues as a child and young adult. We are still much better off than we ever have been. It still blows my mind at how supportive and understandingly has been. I was always very questionable about the idea of "soul mates" but I've never been more sure that we were destined to be together. He is my soul mate.
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2015
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  19. I love you guys. You never cease to amaze me with your love, dedication, commitment and willingness to show each other your personal darkness so you both can shine out with light. Shine on, you crazy diamonds!
     
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  20. Haggis

    Haggis Fapstronaut

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    As you are mine, darling :)
     
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