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nothing works out in my life

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Hold the Line, Apr 19, 2021.

  1. Hold the Line

    Hold the Line Fapstronaut

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    this is a serious, long venting post with strong language

    everything in my shitty life is garbage, i dont have one good person in my life

    my brother is fucking stupid

    my mother is a fucking anxious retard with stupid 200 year old fixations, she doesnt take care of her worse than shitty mental health and thanks to her i became one as well, she fucking ruined my life she made me who i am my childhood was fucking garbage and same for all my teen years i have nothing but bad memories i feel like a fucking kid in the holocaust only that its a 22 year long holocause and it's ongoing and not fucking relenting my life is like a fucking nazi soldier that smashed my face with his rifle every hour or so

    my stupid mothers shitty mental health affects me as well and makes me fucking want to offer myself for adoption, i have nothing good going for me in life i want to fucking die i fucking hate my family they never help me in anything no matter how bad i feel they always know how to make it fucking worse every single time nothing help i feel shit always have been ever since i've fucking been a poor kid with no friends and 0 social skills just playing video games and jacking off to stupid internet sluts

    i sat every single day ever since i can remember untill age 18 at least 8-9 hours on the computer and my stupid ass mom is too busy having pitty on herself and giving bad advises all the time, never once i got a good advice from my 65 year old mom... i had to figure every single fucking thing in my life by myself and you know how fucking hard is that?

    you can say ''blah blah you have a computer right so you're not hungry for bread and not that miserable you make yourself miserable''

    maybe but that is how i feel and i dont want that i want to feel good, i dont enjoy feeling like shit and having a stupid family that never helps me in anything

    my fucking dumbass father who never cares about anything or anyone smoked to death and died when i was fucking 4 years old

    i fucking grew with my mother and grandfather which is now death like both of my grandmothers and other grandfather, by age 18 i had none of them left

    my entire life i was fed with cancer for my mental health and it's stuck so deep inside me i am having the shittiest time trying to change anything with no success

    i never felt real happiness in my life even when i was a kid, let alone now, i never had sex never kissed a girl and of course i never had a girlfriend because im a fucking mental mess i have so fucking shitty conditions ever since age 12 im fighting anxiety depression and weight loss, the single ounce of innocense i had left by that age was gone and my life only spiralled downwards into shittier and shittier pits, by high school all my friends just had the time of their life having fun and i stand aside dont understand how i felt miserable during school my grades were crap and my attention and ability to study anything is so poor and weak due to constant non stopping intrusive thoughts i dont want and i FUCKING NEVER ASKED FOR THEM TO COME IN THE FIRST PLACE

    god,whether exists or not is fucking savage and is a piece of garbage enjoying other's suffering, he is not merciful

    he is not good

    he is not kind

    he is a brute that only drops shit bombs at my miserable life, and every time i think im starting to feel better he is the one having the last laugh shitting on me a little more

    every day is a fight, and every hardship really feels like getting hit with a rifle stock in the face

    im tired

    im just 22 years old

    i am failing to change my life over and over

    my motivation is nearly non existent

    my life keeps going into deeper and deeper pits and i dont want that

    i cant get any happiness into my life, why was i born into this? i dont want this

    i want to be happy or at the very least stop suffering every single fucking day for the past 15 years ever since i cant fuckin remember

    most kids remember the amusement park or the park or traveling with their family, i have none of these, my entire life was spent in a room, with my trusty keyboard, mouse, and toilet paper.

    all i ever asked for is happiness, nothing more
     
    Fridaytaurus likes this.
  2. Agent

    Agent Fapstronaut

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    I know its hard bro... The struggle is real. In the end your family had struggles different to yours but still affected you, leave that behind... Now you gotta make a plan to get out of this, you might see no exit but give your baby steps and you'll get there somehow.
     
  3. silenthunter

    silenthunter Fapstronaut

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    God doesn't want you to suffer. Suffering and death are the consequences of original sin. He became man to end suffering and death. He did this through suffering himself the most. Through dying himself, he paid our price of eternal death, so that we could live. He turned pain into glory.

    No disciple is greater than his master. Jesus suffered the worst mental pain any human could ever bear. He suffered so hard that he sweat blood. He carried the burden of all human sins. Then, he began to suffer physically. He got flagellated, crowned by thorns, got beaten, mocked, despised. He carried the cross. He, who knew no sin, got crucified for our sins.

    No disciple is greater than his master. He did all this for you. Turn to him in your pain. Follow his pain in your pain. He will turn your pain into glory. He will give you the kingdom of heaven. He loves you.
     
  4. Thorson

    Thorson Fapstronaut

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    I read your entire post and I came to a conclusion the fact is don't waste your time judging your family because that is the way they are they never change I can ensure you I was kind in the same situation I can't say I am better now I didn't even have a job at my age you have just to be strong think about yourself and how can you inprove I suggest you to start working out there are body weight parks everywhere try to get a job then move on rent a house for your self and keep working out when you gonna see the results you gonna become more self confident you will make friends and get hang out more I tell you this because I was in a similar situation and this is what I did success brother .
     
  5. Philippian4:13

    Philippian4:13 Fapstronaut

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    Mate, first of all, I feel for you. Reading your post reminds me of myself a few years ago, like seeing a ghost from the past. My situation was nowhere near as bad as yours, but growing up I didn't have a good relationship with my parents either. I also had horrible social anxiety that really wore me down at school. My life was a mixture of porn, drugs, anhedonia, depression, and fear for the future. I blamed everything on my parents and my circumstances.

    Second - Just know that there is hope. I know this must be hard to hear, but this situation doesn't define you. Things will change in the future. You're at that age where you are really starting to grow from being a boy into a man. We're both young, and at this age, emotions run high. This life is all you've known, and it's tough to envision a better future. However, you need to take a step back and realize that you have your entire life ahead of you to live. The journey is going to be long and hopeless at times, but you can break this cycle. One of the best things that happened to me was finding a new faith in Jesus Christ. As a result, I quit drugs, beat depression and anhedonia, and have now almost quit porn. I am rebuilding broken relationships, starting a promising career, and am building a new life for myself.

    Third - Stop comparing yourself to others. Again this is going to be hard to hear. You mentioned that you saw other kids playing on the playground and traveling with their parents. On the surface, things seem good with them. Don't forget that they have their own demons as well. I'll never forget some of the epic fights during family vacations that tore a rift.

    Lastly - This step is the hardest. You're going to have to search for your blessings and learn to be grateful. When depression was at my worst, I was constantly scrolling social media comparing my life to others, seeing the supposed happiness that they had with their friends and family, and feeling worse about myself. Mate, you are your own unique person with your own unique set of experiences, gifts, and blessings. Count your blessings man. Someday, you can help others who experienced rough childhoods. Overcoming this difficulty is going to give you a profound strength that no one else has. I've become so much stronger from overcoming my demons. Your demons may be great, but once you defeat them, you will have a new outlook and a journey that inspires others.

    Just remember, you are not defined by your poor relationships, your addiction, what society tells you, what others think about you. None of that matters. What matters is your character, your choices, how you treat others, and how you view yourself. No one can take these things away from you. Wish you the best man. Don't hesitate to PM me if you ever need support.
     

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