I want to kill myself

Hmm, have you tried meditation, walking, stretching, learning a new skill (I like chess, there is so much to learn, it is not that productive but at least it is something that I enjoy), praying, building furniture. These are something that I enjoy and feel good about. I forget that I am alone since they give me a purpose right there on the spot. Sure it can be super annoying at times.

Have you wrote songs about how you feel, it helps for me to sing. Also learning to cook tasty food is nice. I know this sounds stupid but try to distract your mind with anything you can think of. Of course you should do it in moderation so you do not exhaust/ overwhelm yourself with everything.

A friend of mine once said: "After all, being enlightened is simple: When you feel bad - do not worry, good times are coming. If you feel happy - enjoy it, it will not last forever. Bad feelings and days will always come, it sucks but it gives meaning to the good ones. One has to just push trough the bad times. For me also trying my best to help others on this journey, helps me to feel better as well. It makes me feel like I am not alone going through bad times and that together we will all get through this. I hope this helps, God bless you!

 

Cool! DM or post link here, I am trying to learn guitar atm!

 

Don't do that. Keep fighting! Maybe you will get your big break one day

 

Act like shit; feel like shit. You have the power to change your life. Use it. We’ve got your back.

 

There's always someone out there who has you in their thoughts. Right now, it's me ^^

I hope you find good company in life.!

 

What sort of life do you want to live?

 

If you believe you are not good enough then you wont be. I also dreamed about being an artist but in the end I did not like it that much. Also I was in a bad place then and my habits were horrible - therefore I had no energy to actually put into making music etc. It was a blessing since after that I really started to get better life habits and I am way more happy now.

I dreamed about being an artist since I wanted to be seen and popular and rich and to get girls change the world etc but the motives were not there. Also the kind of music I made was about drugs and bad things so it was not going to make the world any better.

You could do the youtube videos that you talked about and help others to learn music - I think it would give your life a feeling of purpose.

Also have you thought about the reason you feel bad - break up, liking someone and getting rejected, family issues, accidents or traumas? There is always a reason why we feel bad and it wont go away by numbing it - it leaves when we face the pain and know where it comes from. It can be caused by so many things. Being alone also hurts - we are social beings. God bless you bro, stay strong!

 

Hello Gjey,

I´m sorry you feel so bad, but please try to see the things in your life that are good, we all have them if you
look closely.
Your health, your age, the beauty of nature and the cuteness of animals,...

We all have dreams ofcourse, and we can´t always get what we want, but life is worth living regardless.

Take things day by day, don't worry too much but enjoy the "now" as much as possible.
Happiness can be found in simple things we do and experience often, they are right here for us to see.

Never quit going after your dreams and the goals you want to reach, it's worth it buddy, so please, never ever give up !

-Beamer

 

I am a total loner, musician and I understand where you are at.

I have a few suggestions for you to think about.
You have probably heard all this, but I'll say it anyway.

You CAN get good enough on guitar to be awesome, but the problem with
music is that nobody can "guarantee" you a paycheck.

You can make videos, release songs, promote them, but you are never guaranteed
to succeed like that.

That is the problem with music and the arts. The effort, time and expense you
put in do not guarantee a profit.

So you should play music with the goal of enjoying it. If you want to get better,
make sure you enjoy that part, because learning scales is a grind.

I couldn't help getting better because I was obsessed to the degree of stupidity.

But if you play to enjoy it, that is a guaranteed result. You should jam with different groups, play open stages, play gigs, make recordings, jam with others,
and do it without a "big agenda". Do it without pushing your own material, in other words.

If something comes out of it, cool, maybe you can make a living.

But remember that musicians of every level usually have periods of drought.

Every famous musician, if you read up, sues their label, sues their manager, goes broke, sells their mansion, cancels a tour for low demand, has a record that flops, goes to rehab, the band breaks up, and more.

You can't build wealth on that. You can't build a future on that.

Elton and Sting did. Yes, a small minority have. That is it.

I'm writing all this crap so that you find a better way. I am in the know.

My friend played with a band on Interscope. This band sold in excess of 1m records, and released 3 or 4, I think.

The singer turned out to be a wack job. He once had a studio, drove a BMW and did arena tours. With two records that flopped back to back, he was dropped.

Now, he lives in his parents' basement, the same one where he grew up as a kid. He is addicted to a lot of drugs. He spends his days hitting up people for money, stealing, using people. He has never worked an honest day.

As a career, music is a big nowhere. Do something where you show up, are paid well, are needed and can develop expertise that is rare.

If you become an awesome guitarist, then you long for the day when you are hired by a famous band for touring. But if you break a hand on tour, for example, they make a call, and an hour later, you are headed home, and they go on. Everybody in this town is an expert-level guitarist or musician. There's a surplus, so they don't get paid much even when they do get the dream gig.

 

Many of the things you say are assumptions based on poor life experiences. I get where those kind of thoughts get from. I havent read all the replies. When someone posts something suicidal it often gets a lot of attention. I am maybe just a stranger to you but I give a shit even if I dont know you. It is good that you write it out so we can see it. All that I see here is that your depression is talking. I think you are moderatelty to deeply depressed. Clinically speaking, moderate depression is a serious mental illness. Major depression is when you not just start thinking about suicide but are about to make a decicion. In both cases, seek professional help. It is so often a downward spiral which needs to be broken. Sometimes you cant help yourself so take that phone call to someone who can offer real help. Be it the suicide hotline if you need to get started. If your life is in danger, call 911. If you are deeply depressed but not in immediate danger of hurting yourself you can call your doc and try to get him to assign you to a psychologist. Be honest with them. If they offer you a hospitalization at a place with medium security and people around to help you 24/7 then take it. Maybe you need a few weeks/months to get out of your depression.

 

Been reading a little more now and there is no doubt that you are pretty depressed. The hopelessness and pain and suffering you are going trough. Even though suicide is not at the top of your mind right now, you have mentioned it. If you mention it to a mental health professional they will probably take you quite seriously. Try to avoid the medicines if you can. Nofap gives you real emotions and those can be dealt with easier trough therapy. Not saying that I am universally against medicines but only use them if you feel like you are loosing control.

 

Look man, we've all been there. I want you to read this.

Here's what I would do if I were in your shoes, or I should say
what I should have done at your age, which is probably 1/2 of my age:

1. First do a hard mode 90 day reboot. Ghost out on people, focus on yourself.

2. Try to find something you can do for a viable career, and something you like.
But not in the arts. It should give you "meaning", more importantly than money.

3. Then do the research and figure it out.

Being on a reboot will focus your brain.
After you get through a few brutal weeks, there is freedom, clarity, and even
happiness. And it's hard to see right now, but if you just do it, by the time it's over,
you will understand. It's a game changer, ask anybody on here.

Don't get depressed about life. I spent a lot of years like that.
Just set yourself up for the future right now, while you are young.
Then in a few years, you are going to be on top. It will take work.
That's ok because everybody who is a success had to work their tails off.

Just accept it. Then reap the rewards. You can do it.

Trust me because I grew up abused and bullied, insane, unloved, and alone.
When I was 14, my Dad cold-cocked me for going to the arcade. That was not the beginning or end of it. Growing up was hard.
I couldn't do anything, I had no self-esteem. NoFap will change your attitude about that, as the 90 days goes on. About halfway through, something will change about your attitude.

You will feel like, ok, life isn't so bad. I am actually happy, things are ok.
That is a benefit of the reboot which is optimism.
Then, it starts to build momentum, with little effort.
You will go to work or school, and things fall into place. Money is there,
fears are gone. It becomes easy to smile, and you get back your sense of humor.

Then, when you think of the suffering of the reboot, you'll think it was worth it.

If you are suicidal, definitely seek help, call 911 or a psychologist, but keep in mind that your problems are temporary.

 

Well mate. I feel you, im not English as well. Im 19 so I may be considered young. Ive had some issues in my past thank I still think about to this day. I think you already know that everyone and I mean EVERYONE no matter who they are have some baggage.

Im trying to quit this. I stopped smoking in August and Ive been losing weight since two years ago, lost 30 kgs in that time. I love lifting and my career, despite that I have anxiety attacks and I think I may be depressed. I have had some suicidal thoughts as well. But I keep fighting and so should you.

I have made some friends and I was a loner. Before I couldnt even talk to girls now im able to maintain a conversaton even though im not that good at it. Im developing a chrisma I didnt know I had despite everyone telling me that I do.

Dont reject that pain, embrace it and use it to become a better you. If you keep trying to improve youll eventually improve so keep at it my man. We all go through eriods of darkness, hell im going trhough one right now, if we have to rest we rest, but we dont surrender nor retreat.

If you ever need a witness be your own.
Godspeed

 

Nothing is wrong.
Perception might be wrong though.

You just keep doing you, improving yourself and grinding.

Dont focus on the results, focus on the journey.