Going insane, suicidal thoughts, severe addiction, 5-15 times a day

Don't you dare say that. You are putting up damn hard fight against an insane addiction. We're all with you. Do not spiral down into a pool of self-pity. We are all, all of us here, fucked up in our own ways. You're not alone, dude.

 

I still can't give the tips to him, but I really liked his point of view, and I'll apply too

 

Im now 4 months free from P, but have been M frequently. I see improvement but im starting to notice better what is up with me. First of all i have not ever been diagnosed with anything by adoctor, now i have read alot of things in the internet and it start to feel that i might have more or less of these disorders: AD/HD, Bipolar disorder, OCD... The way i have handled my life last 20years alcohol, sex, drugs etc, pieces come together. I have been very restless being and need for simulation all the time.

I am so tired right now i cried today because i realised how bad my anger managment is + no energy and restlessness combined together, it feels like shit... I hate it when im feeling really good and suddently the smallest negative things makes you crash down and the good vibe is gone and low energy - rage takes the place... I really dont know how to handle the situation.

 

perseverance, perseverance, perseverance and fighting spirit, you will need it a lot but with time it will get better...

 

That's awesome to hear! Key word there is "calm".

 

I've experienced that, too. It's weird, isn't it? But very cool. Enjoy the healing.

 

Good going @legolasian ! I was just going through this thread. Hang tight ..there is light at the end of the tunnel

 

Since I don't know you personally, this is all I can offer you:
You. Are. A. Man. And from your profile, a man in your prime. Embrace your battle. So you relapsed, you took a beating, now get back up and go at it again. There may be other things going on in your life that have nothing to do with PMO, these things may need to be addressed separately. Going on a no PMO journey is rough, sometimes it feels like torture, but it's an incredible journey worth taking with benefits you've already experienced. But don't make the mistake of thinking that all the problems in your life will be solved by no PMO. So maybe it's time to start taking a real close look at the things in your life that have nothing to do with your addiction; work or career issues? Medical issues? Family issues? Relationship issues? Life decisions in front of you? Take stock of all of these things. Hang tough, buddy.

 

I think maybe there's something else going on here. 5-15 times a day sounds like it takes up a lot of time. Do you have a job/social life?